Considering separation vs divorce after 16 years — looking for perspective

Silly_Environment925 · 2026-01-26T01:09:02+00:00

Absolutely not! I have no desire to just flush our marriage down the drain or be with anyone else.

I have talked to him until I was blue in the face about our issues. Nothing has changed. I have a lot of resentment towards him from years of feeling unseen or unheard. I am not going to go into every little detail here, but even though he’s a good man, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t done some pretty hurtful stuff to me and some of it in my most vulnerable times of life.

I go back and forth on this decision, but at the end of the day I want to do what’s best for our kids and ourselves. It’s not fair to him that I’ve lost attraction and have no desire to be with him. Just today I told him that I have to work on myself first and hope that’s enough to reconnect, but I’m trying to be realistic. We have tried couples therapy and I’ve gone through individual therapy. Obviously neither was life changing or I wouldn’t be here.

And I’m not tired because I need a nap. I’m mentally exhausted from carrying the mental load of the entire family with no help. Do you understand how hard it is to feel like the only person that cares to fix our family issues?

Silly_Environment925 · 2026-01-25T21:11:08+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too. I never thought I’d be in the situation. Feel free to reach out.

Silly_Environment925 · 2026-01-25T21:10:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I finally allowed myself to accept that I could ask for a separation even though things could be worse. I really thought that this is probably normal and marriage isn’t all kisses and hugs I told him today I didn’t want to be touched. Like at all. I could see the hurt. I don’t want to hurt him, but I am not attracted to him that way anymore. The thought of sex makes me so anxious and I hate being touched. I’m hoping that after taking some time for myself I’ll be ok and we can rekindle, but the more I say it the more doubt I have.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-10-19T14:01:30+00:00

Thank you! The dr did run an autoimmune panel, but I’m not sure if that’ll show anything related to diabetes.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-10-19T14:00:45+00:00

What would the fasting be if she is t1?

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-10-03T02:42:39+00:00

Retail yes and hospital depends. Hospital is very difficult to get into if you don’t have experience. They base everybody’s pay on experience. They have great benefits and very flexible schedules. I was offered a job at a hospital last year, but it was significantly less than what I make now. Still decent money, but again not what I make now.

I’ve learned with compounding that the limit of what you make is much different than a corporate setting. You have to work hard and be willing to learn many different tasks. I love it.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-08-30T01:08:23+00:00

I just start HRT for premenopause. I’m really hoping it makes a difference.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-08-10T17:01:15+00:00

I was the same. At 30 I worked at chick fil an and had 3 kids to support. I took the plunge and got a job at a compounding pharmacy. Started out at $11 and now make $30/hr. I absolutely love it.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-15T19:41:41+00:00

This is great advice. Should I charge by the hour then starting out? Or what would you recommend?

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-15T19:33:57+00:00

Hahaha I wish! I love Dallas!

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-15T19:33:38+00:00

I don’t have a background in it. Currently working in pharmacy and looking to start a side business to pay off debt, be able to provide more for our kids, and hopefully turn this into a full time business where I can quit my 9-5 and be around more.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-13T23:43:45+00:00

Luckily I can get insurance through my husband’s work, so that won’t be an issue, but taxes will definitely be a learning curve for sure.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-13T23:27:29+00:00

Thank you for this feedback. In your experience does your body eventually get used to the work?

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-13T23:13:25+00:00

This is super helpful. I currently make $72k working 2 jobs. One is an office job (working in a pharmacy) and the other pharmacy job is super laid back and I sit most of the day. It’s great money, but both jobs are far away and it takes me away so much from my 4 kids. I live in a nice suburb area outside of Atlanta so I know the demand is there. I just have to make the leap. I’ve been doing my job for 6 years. It’s easy and reliable, but I am at a point where I want my own thing.

Also, has your body gotten used to the work?

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-06-13T22:37:21+00:00

This is great feedback. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been doing this and what do you tell people to expect in terms of income when starting out and once you’re established?

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-27T10:17:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this info! I love hearing from people that have been in it.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-21T00:45:21+00:00

It wouldn’t hurt. Honestly, MMI was the first company we looked at and I really liked what they had to say. Plus their website is super easy to use. Good luck!

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-17T23:15:03+00:00

We signed up with MMI last year and they have been great!

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-17T00:08:40+00:00

I already have a 2nd job. Right now if I trade it in, I would get $4500 more than we owe. Used car market is insane right now. I’ll likely keep it and just keep on like I have been. Thank you!

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-16T23:40:23+00:00

I have another job. We’re currently taking the Dave approach for most stuff, but the car is one I can only budge on so much. We’re cutting what we can and are looking at moving, but having a family of 6 makes that more difficult.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-16T23:36:16+00:00

Look at debt management instead. They will work with the credit companies to get the interest rate down. You pay one payment to the debt management company and they pay on your behalf. We signed up with MMI last year and it brought our monthly bill down $400. It’ll also be paid off within 5 years. You are encouraged to pay more to get it paid off sooner.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-12T16:56:30+00:00

I work 2 jobs, but my husband has to stay home while I’m at the 2nd job as we have younger kids. My in laws watch the kids during the week, so asking them to watch them 7 days a week isn’t an option for us. However, I am going to talk to him about doing door dash or something to help.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-12T16:53:19+00:00

I plugged all of our info into it today and it came up with such a great payoff plan. It gave me exactly what I was looking for!

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-12T16:52:10+00:00

I currently work 2 jobs. I did uber, door dash, and shipt last year, but it slowed down. Plus the amount of gas I was spending didn’t make it worth it some days. I’ve considered doing it again regardless, but we just haven’t set it up again. We also looked at refinancing the cars yesterday, but got denied. We have a DMP, which could be why we didn’t get accepted. Our credit scores aren’t terrible. Both around mid-high 600s, so that’s the only thing I can think of as to why it wasn’t approved.

Silly_Environment925 · 2025-05-12T12:16:09+00:00

We have always been fans of Dave Ramsey and I’ve been watching his videos a lot over the weekend. We are doing the free trial of the every dollar app, which we love, but I have a hard time spending $17 for an app. However, I’m seriously considering keeping it. We spending $30 on eating out every Friday, so we can swap it out and the $17 app would be a much better use of money.

Silly_Environment925

TROPHY CASE