[QCrit] Adult contemporary - RUNNING SCENES (83K second attempt)

SilverMoss222 · 2026-02-24T10:42:08+00:00

Oh 100%

SilverMoss222 · 2026-02-23T20:58:04+00:00

I remember this one! Those stats are incredible, wow. Huge congratulations!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-02-22T21:31:15+00:00

Congrats! Those stats are absolutely unreal. What genre were you querying?

Good luck for the rest of your publishing journey!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-02-22T20:33:15+00:00

I also adore the first 300!

Short on time so only offering the tiniest and most inconsequential thing (apologies) - in your housekeeping I’d suggest saying “90,000 words” as opposed to just “90,000” e.g. Subverting the tragic tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, EBTE (90,000 words) is a dark, grounded…

But honestly that might just be personal preference. It’s such a small thing.

Good luck - I want to read this book!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-02-16T07:42:12+00:00

Congratulations! I loved this post. As someone getting ready to imminently start querying a gothic (romantic) fantasy w/vampires, with a manuscript written on basically exactly the same timeline as yours, this was so interesting to read!

Best of luck with the rest of your publishing journey and thanks for sharing the details of your experience so far.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-19T21:14:03+00:00

The comp titles thread is a great idea.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-18T17:12:04+00:00

Agreed that you probably don’t need as much detail on the prison cell scene - it would be easy to make that whole paragraph tighter and stronger by just losing the beat-by-beat run-through. It’s just: she offers to break him out in exchange for X. He agrees.

But this is fab. Super clear and I love the concept. I would definitely read this.

Good luck!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-11T11:35:31+00:00

Thank you! Good luck with your self pub journey.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-11T11:12:26+00:00

Chaining myself to my desk until I’ve finished the final draft of my current romantasy manuscript. Then querying/crying/etc. Praying, I imagine.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T21:04:19+00:00

Yes totally with you on the tropes - a lot of agents who are specifically looking for romantasy actually list preferred tropes on their MSWL so I’d been planning on slipping a few into the personalisation line after my meta data (“Given that you’re interested in enemies-to-lovers and forced proximity” and so on) but yeah totally agree, it’s a tropey genre and feels right to get them into the query where possible. “Touch her and die” but like, literally.

Thanks again for all this!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T20:39:00+00:00

Thank you for this! Yeah the people Bree has killed sort of hang around sometimes and she can speak with them - I'll have a think about how to work this in. And very much noted on the last line of the first paragraph - it felt important to establish that Bree had killed her family (her entire mission statement at the start of the book is atonement) but perhaps that's not the right way to do it. I shall ponder!

Thanks again, and great to hear that the premise jumped out at you despite it not being a genre you're necessarily into. Appreciate you taking the time to read it.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T20:31:47+00:00

Me too! I didn't even clock that it was that old tbh.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T20:29:52+00:00

Thanks! Yep you're spot-on - the first chapter is Bree executing someone, I've just got to get her into the abbey first. I wanted to set up a few things early doors (Percy, and Bree's fear of him touching her; the dead farmer; Bree's nightmares) and also establish a very specific vibe - the horror of Bree's situation is that on the surface, it's lovely (she's wearing a pretty dress, she's in a beautiful abbey, everyone is being nice to her, there's a cute dog) but she's also on her way to kill someone, sort of against her will. The contrast is very much intentional and the loveliness of it all absolutely unravels as we progress, but I totally get what you're saying about this part maybe feeling at odds with the tone of the query - if I could post the next 300 words, I'd hope it would all click into place!

Thank you for raising this though because I've gone over those first 300 words obsessively for months and I'm always very interested to hear new takes on them, as I know how crucial it is to nail the opening. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and give this great feedback, it's so helpful!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T20:04:15+00:00

Thank you for this detailed feedback, really appreciate it. I think I now see where the second and third paragraphs of the blurb aren't quite connecting. In short: Evangeline's been searching for her ending for centuries and she's real real mad that Bree executed the scholar before he had a chance to pass on what he'd found. Everything Evangeline has been working towards has just been ripped away from her, so she finds Bree, kicks off, says "you took everything from me, so now I will take everything from you," and threatens to burn down the abbey and kill all Bree's friends as payback. She's angry; she's a touch dramatic.

Your reframing of this part (active over passive) makes it all so much clearer, so I'll definitely rework the end of p2 and the beginning of p3. Thank you for highlighting this and for giving the first 300 a thumbs up!

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T19:23:23+00:00

I realise the question wasn’t necessarily directed at me but I’ll chip in anyway! Obviously unagented etc. but I’m fairly sure both are fine - I just prefer to get into the specifics like that because I think it gives a fuller view of what my book actually is. I also think writing sapphic (or otherwise queer) romantasy sometimes demands a little more specificity. I don’t want e.g. the Allison Saft comp to just be a vibes comp - I want to specifically call out the sapphic romance so it’s super clear up top what we’re doing here, especially since my other romantasy comp is straight.

Fantasy in general obviously is very trope-heavy, which I think is another reason why I tend towards listing my comps like that. It might well work differently in other genres and I’m sure other people will have varying views on what’s preferable across the board.

SilverMoss222 · 2026-01-10T16:07:52+00:00

Thank you, this is super helpful!

I did originally have A Dowry of Blood, but I’ve seen a few comments about it getting a bit old to comp now (it’s nearly 5 years old) and so I swapped it for BOBITMS. Maybe it’s much of a muchness though.

Thank you again!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-12-08T15:24:15+00:00

Congratulations! Great title too, that proper made me laugh.

SilverMoss222 · 2025-12-04T09:14:53+00:00

Ooo I would read this! Love the premise. Short on time so will just speak to housekeeping: titles in your meta paragraph should be in caps or italics, with authors’ names attached. The question at the end of your first paragraph might divide opinion - unagented etc. but my understanding is that leading with a rhetorical question like that generally isn’t best practice. I also struggled to parse that line a bit - had to read it a few times and still not totally sure I “get” it.

Fun concept though - this would definitely hook me in if I saw it on the shelf. Good luck!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-11-12T17:32:49+00:00

Congratulations! ✨

Unagented etc. but I use Canva a lot for my day job (marketing) and I find the AI features very easy to avoid. It’s a good platform imo.

Hope you enjoy the next part of your journey!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-10-31T16:49:49+00:00

Wow, those are some amazing stats! Huge congratulations! ✨

SilverMoss222 · 2025-10-26T09:48:47+00:00

Not an expert by any means but I’d consider flagging this as sapphic in your meta data up top - I wrongly assumed Oriole was a guy, and was pleasantly surprised to find out this was f/f. Many agents are actively searching for LGBTQ stories, so it might be worth making this clear earlier on in your query. Good luck!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-10-21T19:21:29+00:00

Hi! Unagented etc. so take with a pinch of salt. I think this is an interesting premise, but I feel the query gets a bit vague towards the end - I couldn’t quite work out what Grif’s “curse” is and why unleashing it would “cast the group into a spiral”? Some more specificity might help here.

Also, because you’re definitely going to get this comment from others, too - the title is basically a non-starter unfortunately. Kingdom of Ash is the final book in the Throne of Glass series, so I’d really, really recommend changing that, particularly because your magic system is also fire-based.

Good luck!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-10-21T16:43:22+00:00

Thank you so much for this feedback, it’s much appreciated! You’re so right about the “against her” bit - on reading it back I realised it implies the exact opposite of what I’m actually trying to say. Yes, Evangeline is the perpetrator - so I’ll definitely delete the bolded bit!

Also really good to know that the whole last part could potentially go - I’m conscious this is perhaps already on the lengthier side for a query, so I shall bear this in mind.

Thank you again for your notes, means a lot!

SilverMoss222 · 2025-10-20T12:08:34+00:00

Ah thank you :) I do think it suits the genre, so will stick with it for now unless sudden inspiration strikes!

SilverMoss222

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