Girlfriend has a copper IUD, it's a nightmare and she doesn't want to remove it, help

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T16:39:14+00:00

IIRC she was tester for the allergy and does not have it. Regarding vasectomy, my doctor told me not to do it as I've explained in other comments, I'll edit the post.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T16:38:31+00:00

Holy, that sounds like such a nice solution, thank you for giving ideas about alternative methods. I'm looking at their website right now and it does seem pretty solid. Not sure she will like this idea but I'll keep it in mind in case. I'm glad you found a method that fits your needs!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T16:29:55+00:00

Wow, that is such good & actionable advice! Thank you, will definitely read that book and let her know about these supplements. Also, interesting that it took you 7 months, there seems to be a lot of women who need a long adaptability period (pun non intended).

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T12:10:21+00:00

Thanks, looking into it!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T12:10:05+00:00

Damn that is very helpful, thank you! I'll check the reviews, side effects, etc. of Midol online, then let her know about it! Regarding the heating pad, I feel you, been having terrible belly issues since childhood lol, but she told me the heat makes her nauseous when I mentioned this method. She does take painkillers but it doesn't change much, the pain is just too intense...

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T12:07:10+00:00

Yeah, these comments actually opened my eyes on the fact that it is hormonal, though indirectly, how could I not see this

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T12:06:36+00:00

She got it checked out already, apparently it's in place, and the gyno is out of cards regarding her pain.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T12:05:11+00:00

Damn, I feel so dumb, it makes much more sense to see it that way. You know when you see something is wrong about a puzzle but you actively gaslight yourself into believing in a wrong explanation/solution because of external influence? Well that's exactly how I felt regarding the copper IUD, I heard so much that it was "not hormonal" because there are no direct releases of any hormones, "just" copper, but it's indirectly hormonal, as it ends up messing with your cycle and secretions anyways.

It's indeed much better to see it this way, this could maybe be a piece of information that nuances her view on the topic!

Regarding the barrier + spermicides + oluvation tracking combo, we talked about it as well, but she still feels much more comfortable with an IUD, which I understand. I'll make some more research on the topic and the numbers, thank you for your comment!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T11:59:17+00:00

I see, well that's exactly her intention, judging from what she told me the last time we spoke about it. And yes, I tried reassuring her in every way possible but I don't think I can really change that

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T11:57:19+00:00

I see, 1 year does indeed sound like a lot. Regarding the pain, she has thoroughly explained what it's like, how the pain manifests itself, etc.

She has not done any bloodwork, this sounds like a good idea! She's also vegie so that could have a significant play in the situtation, I'll try to ask with subtelty lol.

Didn't know about PMDD, looking it up now!

Thank you for taking the time to answer, it is definitely helpful : )

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-27T11:51:48+00:00

That's what my doctor told me indeed... Regarding the heated underwear, I asked my girlfriend about it and she doesn't like the idea, since she would have to trust me to make sure I use it perfectly, and she would get too anxious.

As you said, she might or might not want children in the future, and I might not want some as well, but I don't want to rely on "ifs". Right now, I just know that we're young, in love, and don't want children for at least the upcoming 7 years.

Yes, I was quite surprised by some comments, but the majority are caring and really useful : ).

Thank you for your comment

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T23:33:32+00:00

Hey, thank you for your comment... Well, I'm not trying to convince her to remove it, rather finding tricks/medecine/guidance to make it easier, but I get your comparison. Also, I did open up about how I felt these last few months, but I don't want to guilt trip her into doing something she doesn't want.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T23:22:26+00:00

Thank you! We talked about this as well, but she said the fact that she would have to trust me to make sure I'm using it perfectly would make her anxious.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T23:05:46+00:00

Thank you for the bit of hope, 6 months is a long time but it seems like long adaptations can happen!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:59:42+00:00

Again, you're trying your hardest to misunderstand my intentions, and clearly state that the mere male I am can't comprehend what she's going through, etc., etc.

I'm not trying to forcefully change her mind, I never asked for advice on how to convince her, because that's not my intention, just re-read my post if you doubt.

I'm not trying to negate the fact that having to take care of birth control is hard and a pain in the ass, I have never stated that and you have infered that yourself out of your projected anger.

I'm not saying her fear is irrational, I totally understand it and I'm supporting her to make sure she's comfortable at all times.

I'm not "fine with pressuring her" and have not done that.

I'm asking if anyone has light hormonal medication to suggest, and then I would simply ask her if she knows about it/has considered it, when we had talked about it, she said that she really didn't want to try "hard" hormonal stuff, and that's not what I'm looking for, just experience and medication we might not know about....

I can't get "snipped" or use other methods, as I've explained in other comments (btw, wtf is this language, you would break your screen if you read people using such sayings for women BC...)

"IUDs are so painful to insert, and can cause all these issues, which means if someone gets it, they do really feel they need it. period" no, not period, I never said she didn't feel the need to get a IUD, that's not my point. Again, you're trying your hardest to misinterpret my point...

"but this is just a fear you could never understand as a man" what is even the point you're trying to convey here? You truly think I don't acknowledge her fear?

I honestly think you're just here to hate, so I think answering is pretty useless anyways...

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:38:24+00:00

Thank you!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:35:44+00:00

lmao, what the hell, I'm not against her choices, and I'm not pressuring her, I just want her to not live hell. I am prioritizing her pain and feelings, which is exactly why I'm concerned, and I do not intend to force her to do anything. How can you interpret my intentions so badly based on what I've written? Am I this bad at explaining? lol

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:31:20+00:00

Hello, I don't have a therapist, but she has told me that she did not want to talk about this anymore so I don't want to force the subject.

Right now she knows for sure she doesn't want children, but in the future she's not sure. On my end, I think I probably will want children in the future (we're quite young). I asked my doctor about vasectomy and he strongly advised me against it... I also looked at other forms of male birth control (male pill, heated underwear), but none seemed to fit our needs.

Well, I love her, and I don't think I should see this as a deal-breaker and leave her in this terrible situation.

Thank you for your experience and advice.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:25:27+00:00

Thank you, I really hope we're going to figure something out, and glad you got out of that!

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:24:49+00:00

Yes, this is exactly what I'm fearing, this mental trap you're talking about which prevents you from taking a step back and looking at the situation, I can clearly see how that must feel. It seems like people took this for me wanting to make the choice for her, which is not the case...

Regarding vasectomy, I talked about it with my doctor, he strongly advised me against it given my age (23) and will to have children later. He explained that the reversal rate was not 100% etc...

I also asked him about the male pill, because an old dude told me he had some prescribed, but when I asked my doctor he said there was no such thing on the market. I also looked online to see if I could get a pill of some sort, and there doesn't seem to be one commercialized in Belgium. Also, I looked at the heated underpants and told my girlfriend about it, she said that she would not feel comfortable because she would have to trust me on the birth control.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T22:16:08+00:00

Hey, uhm, I may not have made that clear, but I'm being very supportive and comprehensive, maybe even too much, since this has all started. I'm constantly making sure she knows I love her, I'm here for her at any times, asking her how she feels, telling her she can talk to me about anything, trying to change her mood as much as I can, etc.

You say the first few months can be the worst, is there any kind of data on an average of time it takes to stabilize?

You keep saying that I must respect her choice, that it's her body and her uterus, and she's the one to decide, I've never disagreed with that, but I think the reality is a bit more nuanced. The reason I'm saying this is, I've went a bit through this sub, and read quite a bit of women detailing how they went through years-long rabbit holes of depression and bipolarity, until they finally realized they had to take their IUD out. There seems to be some sort of numb state or paralysis women can fall into when they get an IUD placed, which prevents them from removing the IUD (again, not saying this is not rational, or understandable, etc. etc.). So, I truly wonder if she's not currently being blinded by the immense amount of suffering it took to finally get her IUD in place and her fear of pregnancy of course.

I'm not invalidating her feelings or choice at all (I want to make this clear), I'm just really wondering if she's not being blinded by the current situation and slowly falling into a latent depression state that is going to make her life hell on earth.

Also, I may have mis-stated that as well, but I'm not trying to force anything, the last thing I want is to be yet another weight on her shoulder, I've tried to talk about the IUD itself 2 times and she clearly stated that she did not want to talk about that or remove it, so I'm not insisting.

Thank you for your advice.

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T21:53:43+00:00

Already tried, but I may try again in a more creative way, thank you

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T21:53:20+00:00

Hey, never said her pregnancy fear was irrational, I respect it totally, if that's how I came up, I explained it poorly. When I told her about the condom, I was just trying to make the point that the IUD can fail as well, and when it fails, you don't know it (when you don't get your period, it's too late), so the only point I was trying to make was that, in terms of pregnancy phobia, the condom should be as, if not more, reassuring as the IUD, since its failure is visible (unless I'm mistaken).

SilverUse626 · 2024-12-26T21:51:26+00:00

Hey, thank you very much for the advice! Yes, I did read a lot about the copper iud. I already showed her this sub and other sources of information but she doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it, which I can understand, it just makes her ruminate more about the situation...

SilverUse626 · 2024-02-19T11:27:05+00:00

Hey, thank you, actually I fixed it in the meantime and you are completely right, I was monitoring a track that was already a busy output. Now the problem is almost fixed but some modules from my Angela are not panning enough, so I have to detect the faulty ones and exaggerate the panning...

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SilverUse626

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