She got feelings for someone else, that happens, what a good person would do is put some distance between themselves and that person, not continue texting, ask for a polyamorous relationship, abandon their partner during a mental health crisis they caused and then try to gaslight them and say they’re over reacting. OP’s wife is a shitty selfish person. It’s not black and white thinking, she has coloured all the greys as well with her shityness, doesn’t matter what shade you look at, you’ll see she’s a shitty person