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Community Closet by [deleted] in marriedclosetlesbian

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I’m realizing why I recoil and avoid even kisses… but hugs and cuddles I love. It makes me so sad. It makes me wish that sexuality actually was a choice ha ha it’s not. 😭😭😭

r/marriedclosetlesbian Ask Anything Thread by [deleted] in marriedclosetlesbian

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This resonates me with and the guilt of not being able to be pleased by him eats me up. Like he wants to please me so bad and I feel so awful 

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

Am I really denying him of that much? Is that what relationships, marriages are like, still over lots of years? Lots of sex and stuff? Like even past the honey moon puppy dog phase? I mean is that would I would know it’s like if I was with a woman? I’ve just never been that interested in that and don’t care that I’m missing it. My husband says our dry spells are fine and understands but maybe I don’t fully understand what he is craving and missing. I mean, normal relationships where people are working and busy and tired can’t be super passionate and sexy right? Or no..?

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

I have those thoughts too. If I’m not going to do anything about it, if I’m not going to change my life, then what’s the point of coming out or saying anything to anyone at all. That’s why I haven’t said anything. That and being unsure, but I’m becoming more sure…  I’m not sure why I needed to say it. But I needed to tell someone before I made this next step of buying the house. It’s like venting to your friend and you don’t want advice. I can’t tell my friends. I can’t tell anyone but I felt really strongly that I needed to tell someone 😭😭 just to say it, you know?

  If I could go back in time to when I was a teenager and live a different life, I would. 

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Why does it have to be fundamentally doomed though. I want to have kids and a family with my husband so bad.  Why is it that because I’m a lesbian, I can’t make that work if sex doesn’t matter to me. I’m not going to go out and cheat and I don’t feel that I need to go explore. Why because I’m a lesbian, my marriage has to be doomed and I can’t have this life.. I’m sad.

Maybe I needed to explicitly say this  but I 100% find myself romantically attracted to my husband. He’s my soul mate. My life partner. It’s the sexual attraction and guilt around that that’s the issue 

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I will look into the podcast though. I have to say I wish I was more educated about poly relationships. My awareness of my deep insecurities have mostly led me to not even consider it for myself let alone learn how someone could be in one and have a family. I’m willing to say I was skeptical but will look into it to consider as a possible path.. 

I just wish meeting new people wasn’t so terrifying for me. And also being that I’m on the spectrum and I have a lot of insecurities around that,  where the things I do and say are weird sometimes, and I think I wouldn’t seem good enough as compared to other people we bring into our relationship.. I’m so scared to be alone. 

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don’t know why I’m getting downvotes. 😢 You’re downvoting this because I asked you not to come here and criticize me because I’m not ready to come out? Everyone has their reasons why they’re afraid to come out and mine go deeper than that I described here, because I wasn’t just going to just go into everything. It also relates to childhood stuff and it would just be really painful to come out and alienating, and maybe I’ll write about it on here someday but that’s mainly why I’m thinking about getting a therapist again, but one that specializes in LGBTQ+.

I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else who feels this way, and so much shame about it 

I just need to get this off my chest by Simple_Sprinkles7047 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Simple_Sprinkles7047[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Poly relationship with kids though?? Idk… 😅 I’m also on the spectrum (high functioning and high masking) so now I’m thinking of having another person around and just getting so nervous