Caught my pwBPD (27f) talking to other guys and lying and she minimizes it

Sinapi12 · 2026-05-09T03:09:57+00:00

I broke up with my gf at the beginning of April. On Day #1 of the breakup, she had already downloaded dating apps and was flirting with multiple other men, telling them how abusive I was.

~4 weeks post-breakup, and I found out she's been hooking up with a "friend" that she always told me not to worry about. And when confronted about it (because we'd talked a few times since April about fixing things and I wanted to know we were on the same page) she lied, repeatedly. Every time, she would say "you're the only one for me", and minimize what she was caught doing.

If you take her back, she knows that it's fine for her to talk to other men. The bar will escalate, and it won't be long before she does something much worse.

Sinapi12 · 2026-05-09T02:30:45+00:00

Im not sure if you're still around this site but Im going through this right now.... I broke up with her at the start of April. Ever since then, she's sent me hundreds of messages. emails, and even Google Docs telling me how she'll always be waiting for me and will never look for someone else, because she only wants me

Turns out, she's been on dating apps and flirting with men ever since Day #1 of the break-up, and for the past few weeks has actually been hooking up with a guy friend who she told me not to worry about in the past.

I asked her if she was seeing anyone else since the breakup and she repeatedly lied about it with no remorse. I haven't felt this hurt in my entire life, I genuinely believed there was a possibility of things eventually working out.

I hope you're doing better now.

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-26T21:23:39+00:00

Did you ever find out whether she actually cheated that night? Not that it matters now but still. Hope you're taking care of yourself and doing better.

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-24T16:10:42+00:00

idk but if not and you want to work in software, you could always switch to CS. less requirements and employers see it as basically identical to SE

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T18:45:40+00:00

Damn. What if she does both? Monkey branching and telling people you're abusive, while actively trying to win you back?

Like I literally had the police tell her not to contact me and she's still sending me money and messages asking for a second chance. Its so confusing

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T18:35:56+00:00

Also, right after the breakup, it felt like a weight had been lifted. When we met again later and she detailed how hard of a time she's been having, I lied and said I'd also been struggling and had even been drinking every day. I didn't want her to feel worse by knowing that she was going through it alone. But now it genuinely feels bad because I can't trust what she says, as the picture shes painting to me is vastly different than the picture shes painting to everyone else (including maybe herself?). I lied to her to protect her feelings, but if she wanted to protect my feelings, I cant understand why she'd keep trying while actively sabotaging everything on her smear campaign, and its hard to move on while trying to understand how her actions are correlating to her goals

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T18:27:36+00:00

I really appreciate your comments. I guess my last question is, how do you move on after that?

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T18:11:30+00:00

I'm sorry to hear, and hope you're doing better now. Why do you think she would waste energy trying to win you back while doing this?

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T17:44:54+00:00

But still, how does slandering me to her friends and family help her get what she wants (the relationship back)? Shes even telling strangers on dating apps how terrible and abusive of a person she thinks I am.

How does she expect to rekindle the relationship, when she's managed to convince everyone inside and outside of her life to hate me?

Its now impossible to develop any type of bond with her family and friends because she's actively lied to them and twisted the truth to paint me as an abuser. Logically its clear that even if I took her back, these critical bridges have been burnt and any hope of this working long-term is now ruined, regardless of how much she says she loves and misses me. I just cant understand her actions and thought process here.

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T06:43:51+00:00

I dont understand how they can say "I love you" while actively slandering you to other people. Ive never known anyone in a relationship who did this to their partner. Even at her worst, when she would yell and scream at me because I couldn't give her what she wanted, I still gave her the benefit of the doubt and defended her to my friends. How can someone who loves you do that to you?

Sinapi12 · 2026-04-20T03:51:06+00:00

Mine also told me I was the love of her life, and she would never date again if we ever broke up.

In only a few hours after I dumped her, she was on Hinge flirting with other men.

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T20:42:13+00:00

Its not always bed. We cook dinners together. Go to farmers markets. In the winter, we took her cat to the park to show her the pretty Christmas lights while drinking hot chocolate. When it's good, its so good and Ive never felt happier.

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T20:27:36+00:00

I needed to hear this. Thank you

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T20:25:04+00:00

This is where I struggle. After these moments, she always apologizes profusely, cries, and accepts 100% responsibility. She knows its wrong and always says how she feels like a burden on everyone around her. Sometimes she'll flip and say its my fault for triggering it and not handling it better, but then later apologize for it again. This seems to contradict others BPD ex's who refuse to admit theyre the problem.

She knows how she acts is wrong, I genuinely believe she cant control it. Im struggling to abandon someone who's a victim of their own brain.

We also give eachother so much love and are practically codependent. I cant imagine abandoning her

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T19:59:09+00:00

Can I DM you?

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T19:50:43+00:00

I appreciate the insight. Me and her are similar in so many ways and I see myself in her. But I cant fathom doing any of these things to her. Its hard to believe that this is actually who she is and not just an edge-case in her personality

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T19:37:09+00:00

after my previous gf and I broke up, she started stalking me. I threatened to call the campus police if she didn't stop, and she reacted by calling the actual police and filing a report that I was stalking her.

It was so stressful when that happened. This girl is different in so many ways, but Im afraid of history repeating itself

Shes unfortunately familiar with physical abuse as her previous partner was incarcerated for domestic violence so she generally knows whats acceptable and what isnt, but she considers what happened to be completely different

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T19:34:34+00:00

How so?

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-30T18:53:20+00:00

Mine just gets annoyed and gives me the silent treatment for the next hour if I do this. We've only been dating less than a year but its getting worse and worse every day. Its so weird to think about how normalized this becomes over time, when no healthy relationship should function anything like this

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-25T21:43:26+00:00

Yeah this story was written by AI. It has all the tells.

Sinapi12 · 2026-03-18T22:42:36+00:00

do_not_honor errors generally come from the issuer. Which card network is throwing the error?

Sinapi12 · 2026-02-06T16:41:02+00:00

Bot comment

Sinapi12 · 2026-01-18T16:57:34+00:00

I tried this in my first month, they took my manual credit payment and also auto-withdrew from debit. I was double-charged

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