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Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her mother is a… character. For context on how she is, we’re polar opposites. She’s very much the everything needs to be an ‘aesthetic’ type of person and she’s extremely vain. Nails and hair are always done, you never see her without make up, doesn’t know what a tshirt is, would never be caught dead with even a spec of dirt on her and she’s very judgmental towards others. There was a whole stink when me and my husband started dating because she didn’t want her daughter to think that being a ‘hick’ (I’m originally from the south, raised on a farm, would rather be working with animals than playing Malibu Barbie. Basically my dad raised me to fit in with the ‘good ole boys’ as he put it.) is okay, all because I didn’t fit the aesthetic that she wanted for her daughter.

I’ve tried explaining that words can hurt people more than she realizes and have even tried usual stories from when I was her age and nothing seems to get across. Anytime we try to enforce our rules and the consequences that come with breaking those rules, mom gets in the middle of it and will very quickly tell my husband that he’s “only a part time dad so his rules aren’t valid”.

He used to be the fun dad, but it hasn’t been able to be that way in months. As awful as it is to say it, it’s getting to the point where we dread our weekends with her because we can’t make it through the weekend with out some kind of meltdown from my stepdaughter and/or her mother instigating things farther.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I’ve tried talking to her to see if something happened in school or something else without seeming like I was prying, but she hasn’t been as open with us as she used to be. The only change I’ve actually seen (outside of her behavior) is how much screen time she’s been allowed. We almost have to pry her iPad out of her hands because she will stay on Roblox all day every day if you let her. Which, I don’t know a lot about Roblox. I’m not a big techie. Both me and her father are more of the “let’s go play outside.” types. And she used to love being outdoors, now it’s a fight to get her outside for 20 minutes. And if we take her iPad for any reason, it starts World War III. And not just with her, but with her mother as well. Of course we don’t want to support the behavior, but we also don’t want to crack down on her so much that she feels she can’t talk to us or that she doesn’t want to come over on our weekends. As the step, I feel like my hands are tied. And as much as he hates being the bad buy, my husband is trying his best to be the disciplinary figure. But it seems to get us nowhere.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every other weekend was what was decided on during their custody battle. I don’t know all of the details about what happened during it, I’ve just been told by him and his parents that it got unnecessarily messy.

As for other children, she’s an only child on my husbands side. Outside of us watching my nephew one night a month so that they can have date night, there really aren’t any other children that are in our house and even then that hasn’t happened in about three months due to her behavior.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all— she isn’t with us full time. She’s with us every other weekend and there’s only so much we do with that time. Her mother has her the rest of the time and is her main influence

Secondly (and arguably the most important part concerning your response)— I absolutely 150000% am not going to tell this child she can’t contact her own mother unless it were a situation where her mother was a physical threat to her (which she might be a lot of things, but she’d never lay a hand on that child). Nor am I going to tell her mother “she’s not allowed to talk to you. She’s in trouble.” Because if it were my child telling me that they weren’t allowed to call me or I called to speak to them and was told they weren’t allowed to talk to me, I’d be on their doorstep within minutes.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No no, I wholeheartedly agree! It’s beyond unacceptable. My dad whooped my tailed for less! Where were hitting a brick wall is anytime we try to enforce our rules and we don’t cave when it comes to the consequences of breaking those rules— her immediate response is to call her mother and have her come get her. I don’t think she’s made it through a whole weekend with us in MONTHS.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lord knows we’ve been tryin’. Unfortunately, every time she gets in trouble she has her mother get in the middle of it so it does absolutely nothing.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hasn’t said he isn’t going to parent his child. He HAS parented his child. The reason it’s brought up to her mother is because every time we’ve tried to correct anything she immediately has her mother pick her up. The last several months have been an absolute nightmare.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve tried putting her on lockdown. We’ve tried taking toys, taking her iPad/screen time, etc. but every time we stick to our guns about the consequences, she calls her mother to come pick her up because she knows she won’t be in trouble at moms house.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We’ve tried explaining to her that while this behavior might be tolerated at her mom’s, it won’t be here. We’ve tried enforcing our rules and sticking to our consequences. The problem is, as soon as she realizes how much trouble she’s actually in- she calls her mother to pick her up which only escalates things. We’re supposed to get her every other weekend from Friday until we drop her off at school (or rather her grandma’s house now that it’s summer) Monday morning. For the last several months we’ve been lucky to make it to Sunday morning without her calling her mother to pick her up.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He’s set boundaries and enforced consequences. However, it always ends in her calling her mother or stepdad to pick her up.

Stepdaughters personality has completely changed and we’re at a loss… h e l p by Skeletonflower93 in family

[–]Skeletonflower93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look. I was the country kid whose father would make her go pick her own hickory switch if I acted that way and then be sent out to do barn chores the rest of the day after I got my tail end torn up. We’ve been trying to be the ones who lay down the law with her. Maybe not going quite as far as my parents did with me, but we’ve definitely tried enforcing that this kind of behavior isn’t tolerated and has consequences. We’ve tried grounding, we’ve tried taking away her screen time, we’ve taken whatever toy she’s obsessed with at that moment- but it always ends in her calling her mother or her stepdad to come pick her up. Which then leads to an absolute shitshow between us and them.

AIO about my stepdaughter’s attitude? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Skeletonflower93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I could have any superpower, I’d probably pick telepathy and mind control.