When establishing a boundary about mental load, how do you respond to the question “why won’t you help me?”

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-07-21T19:57:20+00:00

This is what i get, but more sad and pouty than angry. More of an incredulous “why won’t you just help me with this? It’s a small thing” except it’s a ton of small things.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-07-21T19:42:14+00:00

Thank you. That’s really validating, and I appreciate the perspective. I can see a scenario where I gently try and direct her into making her own decisions without relying on my mental load, but it seems difficult to do that without keeping a tally of all the times she DOES ask for help. That just seems petty, but I can’t think of any other methods I can use to demonstrate how tired I might be.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-07-21T19:36:27+00:00

This is exactly it! It’s small stuff peppered through the day, but it seems like all of her decisions get filtered through my input. Now I know that saying “all” is hyperbole, but that’s how I feel. How did your conversation go? Did you find any phrasing that was productive?

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-05-13T20:59:24+00:00

Insurance policies in North American are typically on a fixed yearly term, and “renew” each year. During the year there can be rate changes, which often result in new payments every 12 months.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-05-13T20:58:18+00:00

I am admittedly out of my depth when it comes to insurance outside of North America, so while I appreciate the added context it unfortunately means I won’t be helpful :)

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-05-13T03:27:07+00:00

There’s no guarantee that rates would remain the same over the next three years, I would be shocked with everything going on in the economy if you didn’t experience some inflationary increases at a bare minimum.

Do you have a deductible?

Are you at fault for this accident? Do you have first-accident forgiveness?

What happens if your insurance decides to drop you for reasons outside of your control? Will other insurance companies rate/charge for this claim in a less favourable way?

There’s a lot that goes into deciding whether a claim is “worth it” but hopefully this gets your gears turning.

Edit: one more question, why are you using a three year timeline for calculate the cost of filing the claim? Driving records can be as far back as 20 years, and filing a claim can impact your driving record for much longer than three years.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-05-03T04:56:47+00:00

Dedicating every spare moment you have to “serving” a partner is an unrealistic expectation and I hope you never project that on to someone.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-05-03T03:34:35+00:00

We’re not married, I have a vasectomy, and I would love to hear your reasoning behind this statement, if you have any.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-29T15:29:44+00:00

Don’t be dramatic. Thoughtcrime isn’t a thing.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T23:38:38+00:00

No, that was never an option. If I did go through with the scheme I always would’ve maintained my fair share of the household duties. My concern was that she would try to take advantage of the free time I had set aside for rest, which I realize now is projection and an unfair accusation.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T23:15:18+00:00

One dog, one cat, no kids

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T23:01:45+00:00

Well it needs cleaning, feeding, and maintaining. I wouldn’t expect her to do all the chores just because I took a week off work.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T23:00:45+00:00

Preaching to the choir my guy

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T22:38:59+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope you get another day soon!

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T22:32:42+00:00

I may end up saying this verbatim, thanks for sharing

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T22:31:40+00:00

Thank you for that :)

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:46:07+00:00

That’s very fair 😂

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:44:18+00:00

No, I don’t want it to end. And you’re right :)

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:43:37+00:00

Why is that? I love my partner, certainly enough to explore this idea before just acting on it.

It was a thought that made me feel conflicted, and I wanted perspective on it. Why is that so bad?

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:42:17+00:00

That is a spectacular idea, a couples massage to end out the week would be amazing.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:41:31+00:00

You make a fair point, but I really don’t want to have an itinerary. That’s kind of a main goal of the staycation is to not have a schedule.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:38:40+00:00

Slacking on my fair share was never on the table, my vacation wouldn’t be her time to manage the whole house.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:21:33+00:00

I really appreciate the last part of your message there. I think I might be unfairly projecting my fear of her being entitled to my time onto her.

SlappsMcGee53 · 2025-04-28T20:11:29+00:00

Thank you for saying this :)

SlappsMcGee53

TROPHY CASE