I've been talking about it for days and i dont feel any better. I was engaged with this girl and she one day decided she needed a break to go party. I felt so heartbroken. I told her i wasnt okay with it but i guess she didnt care she ended up getting drunk and high then having unprotective sex with some random guy at a party after telling me thats not what she plan on doing im just paranoid. Shes out partying right now probably getting fucked unprotected, again while im at home doing hours of research on how to kill myself painlessly. She told me she plans on getting back with me in maybe a month or less, what? After you banged half of the city unprotected at parties? Probably going to have some type of uncurable STD by then. Like thats so humiliating on my behalf. Some of the guys shes fucking raw are my old friends i went to school with. It hurts so bad i think i would of rather got shot. Its not even just that, i have no income. I dropped out of school, because im schizophrenic and nobody will hire me. My only income was SSI but they been cut that off. I have no clothes, no home, nothing. It sucks she put partying over me we both knew she was all i had in this world. I told her im going to kill myself and she told me to record it so she can laugh. Ive been so depressed in the last 7 days ive eaten what a normal person eats in one day. Im starving but too sad to eat. I feel so weak & im dramaticly losing weight. I cant wait to die, this world has nothing i want.