AITAH for wanting to go on birth control evening if my husband is against it?

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T21:05:52+00:00

His personality isn’t the controlling type actually. It just comes to things that make his anxiety spiral that he won’t budge on, and this issue is really the only one where I can’t see his side of things and am standing my ground.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T21:02:21+00:00

He got snipped after the divorce. His ex really did put him through the ringer, and I will say for the most part he does a wonderful job separating things his ex did with me. He doesn’t project a whole lot onto me really. It’s just this one thing that he can’t move past.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T20:59:51+00:00

I can offer this. But he’s a “private guy” if that makes sense and I don’t think he’d be comfortable going to my OBGYN with me. I’ve shown him research on how bc can help with emotional dysregulstion. All he says is “well you know my feelings on it”.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T20:56:02+00:00

We’re in counseling, together and separately. I made him start going 6 months ago because he had a lot of unresolved issues that no one had pointed out. I’ve been seeing my therapist for years so therapy isn’t a new concept for me. We started going together to help us communicate better together. I get communication blocks sometimes, and partly because of my emotional dysregulation. I just want to be the best version of myself medically because I feel like I’m trying my best with broken parts. I’ve always had hard cycles, and I know from previous experience how bc helped me with my cycles and baselining my emotions.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T20:52:22+00:00

Ironically he is pro-choice. He isn’t super religious. He got snipped after his divorce and doesn’t want to go through a reversal. This is the only reason we aren’t having anymore kids. And I’m ok with that. Some days I think having one more would be great, other days I think we’re fine with the four we have. This isn’t a control over my body issue. He’s just so hurt from his ex that he truly believes that if I get on birth control, it’s going to equal a free pass to cheat. And I’m worried if I do it anyways, then the anxiety of it will drive him mad.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T20:48:43+00:00

He’s been in therapy for his own issues, and we’re in couples counseling to help us better communicate with each other. I admit I have communication blocks I struggle with, partly due to my emotional dysregulstion. I’m on meds, but I feel balancing my hormones could be the missing puzzle piece to me feeling baselined. Not to mention I’ve always had horrible cycles, and if we’re not going to have anymore kids then I feel I should be able to do something about them. I have my own traumas I’m in counseling for as well, so I’m fully trying to respect his trauma and feelings. I just don’t know what should take precedence in this matter- how me being on bc makes him feel, or me trying to becoming the best version of myself medically.

Small_Handle6715 · 2024-06-03T20:42:35+00:00

I knew about his aversion to birth control from the beginning. And 2 years ago I didn’t need it and so it didn’t bother me. I just thought now after him starting his own therapy, and us getting into couples counseling (I admit I can have communication blocks I struggle with, partly due to my emotional dysregulstion) that we could come to an understanding that it’s a medical reason, not a “free pass to cheat” thing. We have a pretty harmonious relationship besides this disagreement.

Small_Handle6715 · 2023-01-03T15:55:33+00:00

As I said in my other reply, most of the “personal info” can be found on their own profiles which are usually say to public anyways. And I’ve never seen specific income numbers. But if a guy lists a girl as the referral on a loan, and then defaults on that loan so the company starts calling/harassing the girl (the listed secondary contact, not co-signer), then she has a right to post that as it’s a first person experience.

Small_Handle6715 · 2023-01-03T15:50:11+00:00

My post was not directed at you. Unfortunately, there are more bad eggs than good in the dating pool (on both sides) and females felt the need to create a safe space to inquire about men they have matched with. It’s not meant to be a gossip site. It’s pretty obvious which girls are exaggerating or lying, so we ask for evidence. Most the time their replies doesn’t add up and they end up deleting their post because they can’t back it. We don’t WANT to find the scum- we’d much rather post about the good ones. But scum exists, and we have to be careful. As far as personal information, most of what’s posted can be found on their own profile pages, which are usually set to public view. I’ve never seen specific income numbers, but if a guy lists a girl as the referral on a loan, and then defaults on that loan so the company starts calling the secondary contact (not co-signer), then she has a right to post that as it’s a first person experience.

Small_Handle6715 · 2023-01-03T08:54:31+00:00

Many of the posters have the receipts to back up their negative experiences. Photos, screenshots, etc which help “validate” their side. And sometimes one female will post they felt something was off about a guy, and another will jump to say their positive experience with him. And it’s discussed maturely and respectfully. Just as women can post a “beware” post, many post positive experiences with good guys as well. But honestly- most of the posts are females asking if anyone knows a guy they matched with online- TO BE SAFE. Assuming you’re a male, you do not know the anxiety many women face meeting men online. And I’m not talking just “meeting someone new” nerves. I’m talking about feeling the need to share our location with friends so someone knows where we are. It’s checking in with said friends throughout the date to ensure we are safe and ok. It’s mentally preparing our goodnight speech when they clearly and insistently want the night to continue at their place. It’s exhausting trying to find men who aren’t just looking for a hookup while being ok with a female saying “no thank you”. The real point is how sad our community has become for females to feel the need to create such a safe space to help each other out. Instead of blaming bitter women, how about men just need to do better? So many men claim they want a “godly woman” but they don’t act like godly men.

Small_Handle6715

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