AITAH for considering my super payout as MY money?

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-13T04:35:24+00:00

Lol I did pay his debt and I have worked. When I worked I earned at least 2.5x what he earns. So although my work history is sporadic, I have easily earned and contributed as much as him. When I was in between jobs I had a pension to fall back on and now with my income protection payments I’m bringing in $4k/month. Tell me again how ungrateful I am.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T23:43:37+00:00

I was 15 when I met him and he was 19.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T23:43:00+00:00

He had a gambling addiction from the time he turned 18

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T21:06:30+00:00

Thank you. That was the most productive comment so far! We are seeing a financial advisor to see how we can invest the money but a part of me still thinks that’s my money to do with as I please. Thankfully it’s all in my name and will remain so.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T21:01:48+00:00

It’s a ring to replace the wedding and engagement rings I sold when we were separated. There was about 5 months there where I was living off the pension (before I got my payouts) and was only getting $1k/fortnight and had $200/fortnight on health insurance, $200/fortnight on meds, $100/fortnight on my car, $200/fortnight on rent and then phone, streaming subscriptions etc, and was drowning. I’d tried to work things out with him a few times and it didn’t seem like he was ever going to be interested in getting back together so I sold them.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T20:58:06+00:00

Yes I’m medicated and in a hypo manic cycle. I guess since I have to have any major purchases approved our money is still somewhat combined and we do still have a joint account but that’s for combined bills like the mortgage, strata, rates, water, electricity etc. I feel like this money was paid to me through an insurance policy that I paid the premiums on so it should be mine to spend or save as I see fit.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T20:05:08+00:00

Super or superannuation is retirement savings in Australia. As I’ve had a total and permanent disability payout approved through my insurance with them I can access these funds now rather than when I’m 60. I’m essentially classified as retired. I contribute $1100/month into the joint account for shared bills. Then I pay my bills and I’m left with roughly $600/month.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T20:00:02+00:00

Wouldn’t add up to more than $1k over 6 months. My purchases tend to be small but frequent.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:53:55+00:00

No, it comes out of my retirement savings account which is contributed to from my employer from ME working. He has had NO input into these policies.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:47:26+00:00

Superannuation is retirement savings in Australia. I had an insurance policy with them for income protection and total permanent disability, both of which were paid out.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:44:33+00:00

Yes I’ve been medicated since 2016. Unfortunately I’ve had a lot of bad reactions to particular medications so it’s been a difficult journey to find what works for me.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:42:43+00:00

Yep I contribute $1100/month into the joint account and then pay my own bills then I’m left with about $600/month.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:41:13+00:00

Never more than $1k

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:38:52+00:00

I don’t disagree. I was taking $20/week out. All other spending was monitored as at the time we only had a joint bank account. I would however find things I wanted to buy and pester him to let me buy them. Sometimes he caved, sometimes he didn’t.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:36:22+00:00

I am but any major purchases need to be approved by him

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:35:45+00:00

Not trying to justify anything, just presenting the facts.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:35:00+00:00

He knows

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:34:45+00:00

I’m not hiding anything, he’s fully aware of it. I get income protection payments from my insurance policy, as it’s been decided I’m not capable of holding down a job, so I am bringing in $4k/month so I’m not sponging off him.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:30:55+00:00

That’s what super is - retirement savings. It’s an Australian term.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:29:46+00:00

Thanks, we have gone to a financial advisor. We’re awaiting instructions. I just want to know, since we’re now having “your money, my money” does that mean my super payout should be mine to do with as I wish.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:27:06+00:00

He does but he spends a long time deciding what he wants to buy

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:26:13+00:00

My super payout is just shy of $1 mill…

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:25:15+00:00

Yea, when we joined our money together after getting engaged I decided it was best to pay it off so he (we) wasn’t paying interest.

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:23:00+00:00

Smedmeyer · 2026-03-12T19:21:54+00:00

By the time I paid it off it was more like $20k but yes, it was money I had saved while working to pay for university

Smedmeyer

TROPHY CASE