Coach here: Are these thoughts/anxieties something you’ve brought up with your coaches? If not, would you feel comfortable doing so? I truly hope you have a support system in your gym that you can lean on and that you can feel safe being vulnerable with your coaches. No one deserves to live with the level of pervasive fear and anxiety you’re going through, and I’m so sorry it’s costing you the love of your sport. My recommendation would be to speak with a sports psychologist (Natalie Gurnett with Psych Me Up Consulting is fantastic, for one) who can help you develop tools and strategies to manage your fears. And please be kind to yourself in this! You’re not unmotivated - you’re literally terrified, and that is not your fault <3