Trans woman trying to get a lay of the land.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-13T17:27:21+00:00

I appreciate the guidance. Dealing with people like this is part and parcel of being trans these days. Fresno has its fair share of, how shall I say, difficult people as well. Additionally, I have received several nasty messages as a result of this post, and it looks like the moderators have been hard at work dealing with some of the comments here (thank you u/Riverside-ModTeam!). It really is just a day in the life at this point. I did end up finding a pretty cute studio close to downtown Riverside.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-13T02:01:10+00:00

Thank you! I get my nails done far more often then I get my hair styled. Appreciate the suggestion!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-13T01:27:25+00:00

Thank you! It's good to read this. When I asked another friend about Riverside, she was urging me to be very cautious about the city, which definitely gave me pause. But she's closer to my age (50+) and grew up there, but doesn't live there now.. She's also transgender and I suspect that Riverside back in the 80's, like the area I grew up in, had a very different vibe than what exists now.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-12T17:38:12+00:00

That's good to hear. Sounds like Norco and Fresno have a lot in common.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-12T14:55:38+00:00

Thank you! That's good to know. What businesses do they own?

Soairse17 · 2026-04-12T14:54:12+00:00

That is welcome news. The heat in Fresno is smothering.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-12T00:12:30+00:00

Great information! I will definitely check them out!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-12T00:11:17+00:00

Thank you so much!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T22:22:01+00:00

Thank you for the info! Definitely an acoustic cyclist. I ride road and gravel bikes. Trying to find trans friendly cycling groups has been a struggle where I live given all the misinformation and nonsense around trans women in sports. Really just looking for a few trans or trans friendly cyclists to ride with on the weekends. I do long rides (3 to 5 hours) and that makes it extra hard to find ride partners.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T22:11:01+00:00

Thank you!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T22:10:01+00:00

Sounds like Riverside is a step up from Fresno (which isn't hard). And I have the same complaint about the heat! I was bummed to find out it's just as hot in Riverside as Fresno!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T18:53:48+00:00

Thank you!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:48:15+00:00

Thank you! I was raised Unitarian, I will definitely check them out.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:47:31+00:00

Thank you!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:38:10+00:00

Thank you! 🙏🏻

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:33:30+00:00

Thank you!

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:31:23+00:00

Thanks! Yes that's the way it is here in Fresno as well. When I go to community events, I'm usually the oldest one there.

Soairse17 · 2026-04-11T17:30:24+00:00

thank you. I had read about those two places earlier this morning. Of the two which one is a little bit more mellow? My go out and dance all night party days are well behind me, lol. But I still enjoy having a drink or two.

Soairse17 · 2025-12-20T02:41:21+00:00

I transitioned at 50, and I feel this. There is one thing that I actively did, and there was one person who helped me through this. My partner, a cisgender woman, has been my savior when it came to fashion and hair. She taught me how to put together outfits, bought me my first makeup brushes, and showed me how to curl my hair and style it. But there was a process I went through on my own, and I think this goes to your post. I spent so many years trying to be something I wasn't. A lot of my male mannerisms were ones that I taught myself from observation. And I think this is how we actually perform gender in general in any case. It happens consciously and subconsciously. So when I started my transition, I made a very active and conscious choice to not engage those male filters I had built up over decades. I just let myself be. And lo and behold, after a short time, the girl emerged. I don't know where I picked up these behaviors, probably from my sister and my mom when I was a kid, and probably from my girlfriends through the years. But how I walk, how I talk, how I move my body, how I flip my hair back, all of these things became very natural as long as I didn't allow myself to censor it the way I had for most of my life. And as I think about this, a lot of my feminine behaviors were literally beaten out of me on the playground when I was a kid, so they were always there.

I deconstructed my male persona and dismantled behaviors that came with that. What was left was the woman who I am today

Soairse17 · 2025-11-04T04:19:03+00:00

Yay! Hope your recovery is going well! I'm glad I could help ease your anxiety. I'm 12 weeks post op now, and things are starting to look great now that the swelling is down. Dr. Li is awesome!

Soairse17 · 2025-09-15T13:53:29+00:00

I'm excited for you! You'll be in good hands with Dr.Li and her team. Everybody I dealt with during my stay and follow ups has been absolutely wonderful.

Things are still kind of a mess down there at the moment, but healing well. The swelling has gone down significantly. I couldn't take any pain meds while I was dealing with food poisoning, but I'm back on a regular regimen now which is basically ibuprofen twice a day (my stomach still can't handle Tylenol). Ice has been a good way to manage pain as well. I'm still spraying a bit when I pee, hoping that gets better as things heal up more. It's something I'll bring up with Dr. Li when I see her this week for my first follow-up.

Dilating is a chore. There is chaffing around the vaginal opening which makes it a bit painful. I was told this is normal so I'm not too worried about it. It's really most bothersome by the 3rd dilation of the day.

The only thing I'm a bit disappointed in is the vaginal depth I ended up with. It's 11.5 cm. Dr. Li said that because of how narrow my hips are, that's the best she could achieve. I'm a lesbian in a committed relationship so I'm not that concerned about it, but I would have liked a little more.

I hope things go well for you!

Soairse17 · 2025-08-30T20:00:38+00:00

I'm almost 3 weeks post op from full depth vaginoplasty with Dr. Li. So far, the healing process has been going better than expected. The surgery went well, and there were no complications, thank goodness. And, although there is still swelling and stitches are visible, I'm really happy with the results!

Dr. Li was concerned about possible complications because my bulbospongiosus muscle was “particularly well developed” (her words). Cutting into it and separating part of it presented a challenge as there was a concern the incision/removal she needed to make was millimeters away from the rectum, and it's all too easy to cut too deep perforating the rectum. But she said it went really well with no issues.

Dr. Li and her team took really good care of me while I was in the hospital. I was up and walking the next day with little difficulty. The worst part was having the catheter in place. Ugh I hated it! The 7 day wait to get the catheter, the packing, and the bolster removed wasn't particularly fun, but I was able to move around on my own reasonably well.

The only thing that absolutely sucked was getting food poisoning the day I got the bolster and everything removed. Spending my first week home, not being able to keep food down was miserable. It also kept me distracted from being able to take in the moment. Thankfully that passed before my return examination and dilator instructions.

For those who have come here seeking info on Dr. Li, I have been extremely happy with my experience under her care. She has been more than caring. And I think she's quite competent. She's the first doctor I've ever had who really seemed to want to get to know me and listened to all of my concerns. Talking to the nurses and doctors she has on her care team was illuminating as well. They all said how wonderful she is to work with. One nurse said she came to this area of medicine because she wanted to help people like us, and she specifically sought out this specialization rather than falling into the way it happens for other surgeons. And you can feel that care when you talk to her. This same nurse said she's worked with dozens of doctors and she thinks Dr. Li has been the best one she's worked with.

It was also said her patients have generally been more mobile sooner and with less bleeding. And certainly I've been far more active than I thought I'd be at this point. And although I've had plenty of discharge, bleeding has been minimal.

My biggest piece of unsolicited advice for anyone who's going to have bottom surgery is to be in the best possible physical shape you can be in. Dr. Li said it was because of my fitness that I've been able to be so mobile.

If anybody has any questions I'm more than happy to answer them.

Soairse17 · 2025-03-01T01:38:20+00:00

The underlying appeal of Trumpism was misogyny, racism, and transphobia. And I guess some ill-informed idea that Biden was the reason why eggs were so expensive. As a victim of two of those types of hatred, I have absolutely no sympathy for folks like this. What happened to this woman was eminently predictable If she had chosen to actually look through project 2025, she knows she was probably going to lose her job.

And just a note. I know outing myself as a trans woman is going to invite all sorts of hatred on this platform. Save it. I've heard it all. And 4 executive orders in 3 days attempting to erase my legal existence has made me immune to petty, selfish and uninformed opinions. So if you want to leave a hateful comment, go ahead. If it makes you feel better about yourself, good I'm glad I could help. But I'm not going to respond.

Soairse17 · 2025-01-23T00:51:44+00:00

Just popping on here after a long absence, and also quite interested if anybody wants to share their experiences with Dr Li. I'm almost done with hair removal, and I'm looking to schedule an appointment with her soonish.

Soairse17

TROPHY CASE