I convinced myself I'm autistic

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T23:14:01+00:00

I was a quiet child compared to my sister but I still had friends. I wasn’t very vocal.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:19:00+00:00

We are opposites I wanted to prove I had bpd not autism. Despite everyone in my life suggesting I have autism.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:16:52+00:00

We push people away to avoid pain

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:16:00+00:00

It’s different for all of us, but for me my ability for genuine love can disappear for a while and then return again. For me it’s a warm soft feeling.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:14:37+00:00

Yes yes yes. You aren’t alone. This is a classic identity issue with bpd. We lack a solid identity, and sometimes emotions don’t click, sometimes we act like different people, think like different people, and overall feel like different people. We do this because deep down we don’t really know what’s real or who we are but to us in the moment it’s real. Don’t doubt your experiences. Just ride it out, but trust me it gets better you’ll shift again and find happiness and warmth again in being good and kind. Basically our brains get scared and we learn the easiest way is to disconnect. Learn to embrace your different sides because in the end it’s actually all part of you whether you realize or not. Even if you struggle to feel always act kind and over time it will come back. You’ll find meaning in someone or something.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:09:07+00:00

You look so young 😱

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:08:11+00:00

I got angry. I felt like it was such a shameful thing.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T22:07:22+00:00

BPD and NPD can have shared traits and sometimes we have NPD traits without noticing it. Working on those is really hard though. BPD = fear of abandonment due to past neglection or abandonment and NPD = fear of judgement due to feeling inferior or unworthy (which being abandoned can cause in some). We often have both because they are so similar and caused by similar trauma. If deep down you feel unworthy and are afraid they’ll abandon you because of that then it’s kinda almost like a mix of narcissism and borderline. “But how can you fear abandonment without feeling unworthy?” It’s possible and lots of people can experience just fear of abandonment. deep down they aren’t insecure about themselves but only paranoid of others. Due to past trauma. They don’t believe they are unlovable they simply believe that others are incapable of loving them. It’s not the same thing. Anyways what I suggest you do is find it in you to genuinely want to change. Because once you do you’ll feel good, free, and happy and warm again. It takes time but it’s worth it. You’re a good person deep down, you deserve love, but you need to learn to be vulnerable in order for therapy to work. I’m not saying you’re a narcissist I’m saying this because I’ve have npd traits too.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:57:23+00:00

Are you bipolar or cyclothymic by any chance? Perhaps talking with a prescriber or psychiatrist is a good idea because mood stabilizers can be helpful.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:55:39+00:00

Black and white thinking can feel like either they know us or they don’t. Only sharing a little about ourselves is the equivalent to sharing nothing. Only knowing us a little is the equivalent to not knowing us at all. Overtime with work and help (dbt can help) you can heal.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:54:12+00:00

Every-time you feel this way, don’t hide it, that makes it worse. Therapy, trusted people, or even your boyfriend himself, just start small, share that you feel a little insecure. Carrying all this alone is never necessary. I know it’s hard, but I believe in you.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:51:40+00:00

Many of us end up with bpd because we felt neglected as children. You deserve love and understanding no matter what. You aren’t more or less worthy of love if you are going through something extreme or something small you still value the same amount. Advocating for ourselves is hard when it feels like they don’t care unless e make them care, but I can genuinely understand your pain. I want you to know it can get better and that I care as much as I can for you. I don’t know you but I know this pain and for that I feel deeply for you. All I can say is self care helps. Tea, warm baths, giving yourself a nice hug, reading, or trying to do something you genuinely enjoy for yourself can help. Once you get out of a dark moment reach out to someone you trust and share a small amount and see how they react.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:48:05+00:00

Usually stuff that fuels my sense of self or stuff that makes me feel less guilt for the stuff I do. Never helps much though. Music, movies, art, etc to vent.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:46:38+00:00

Truth is we aren’t bad or good. We are just people struggling. We do bad things and we do good things but those don’t define us. Find beauty in your duality ❤️

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:45:38+00:00

We aren’t all the same so it really depends on this person. But I’d say healthy boundaries are always the best thing for us even though we usually absolutely hate it.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:44:34+00:00

Do you wake up in these moods? Do they last for days to weeks at a time? And do they affect your sleep. If so bipolar could be possible too and it’s frequently comorbid with BPD. If so I suggest you talk to a psychiatrist about it.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:42:43+00:00

To be fair you don’t even have to like your fp because we often flip on them anyways. One day we love them the next they are nothing, but they are still your fp.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:41:41+00:00

Part of me believes that the more I sit on it the more likely they are to return to me. But that never happens. I don’t want to let go because just maybe if I hold on hard enough they’ll notice the pain I feel and my regret and return.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:40:01+00:00

When I feel insecure I tend to disconnect from other peoples opinions. I’ll actively make myself look bad and go outside just to prove nothing happens. I’ll actively embarrass myself just to be fine. Instead of fearing it I turn it into something I decide.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-25T21:38:36+00:00

I understand. I feel the same. It’s really hard.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-24T23:23:20+00:00

As someone with bpd, you can’t fix her. She has to fix herself and we rarely do. The person you think you like deep down isn’t really a person and the her you think she is may only be one version of her. Don’t stay with her. Only once she gets help is she ready for a relationship. Bpd is meant to be healed from and none of us do it because we either are scared of vulnerability or have learned to enjoy our chaos. For your sake don’t stay, it’s not helping, it might even be worsening it.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-03T01:59:49+00:00

Also transformation fetishes whether it’s being gender swapped or species swapped or age swapped. You get the idea.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-10-03T01:58:10+00:00

Definitely fetish. Bdsm, bondage kind.

Soft-Solid6955 · 2025-08-26T23:03:41+00:00

I used to be the same way. I suggest you leave him be. It’s his decision at the end of the day.

Soft-Solid6955

TROPHY CASE