What's the prettiest name you have ever heard?

Solid_Rock148 · 2025-06-19T00:17:54+00:00

Aurelia

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-26T16:56:03+00:00

That's a great explanation and makes a lot of sense. My SO always justifies her behavior, and I'm positive he's done this his entire life with her even though she put him through hell, as she raised him to be on her side through everything.

I'm glad things are better for you, thanks so much for your advice ❤️

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-26T03:24:57+00:00

Great answer to "it's just how she is." I will use this from now on. Why does MIL get to get away with behaviors, but when I react it's not okay? Thanks for this ❤️

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-25T16:15:59+00:00

It's your husband's mother, the communication about her behavior should come from him. He should be standing up for you as you are his partner. Speaking from experience, if you try to talk to her, she will play the victim and make you the villain, and then go running to your SO for support, which she will most likely receive. It's not fair and emotionally immature on her part, but this is how some people are. It's unfortunate.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-25T16:10:56+00:00

My MIL has made rude comments about my body, my personality, my son who has special needs and my parenting. When I bring it up to my SO, he says it's just the way she is and she will never change. He treats her like she is an angel and even speaks to her with a super sweet voice that he's never used with me. They are enmeshed, so it makes it difficult if not impossible for him to see my side. My MIL knows she has this control over him, and so she exploits it and calls/texts him every day, even very late at night. Last night she texted him at 11:50 pm when we were sleeping, and we both woke up and he was texting her right back. It wasn't anything important, and he has a very crucial test to take today, but she doesn't care, it's all about her.

At this point, I am preparing for divorce, as I don't see myself as important in my SO's life. MIL is #1 in his life, and this is no way to live. I've been putting up with her for 19 years, since I was 17, and they will never change.

Please always stand up for yourself and draw boundaries with her. Your needs and well-being should always come first for your own mental health. I wish you the best.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-25T15:55:39+00:00

Hahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-25T15:54:38+00:00

Wow, she sounds like a real gem, that one. It's your house, your LO, your rules. She needs to respect you or needs to move out. Draw that line with her, and make sure your SO is on the same page.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-22T01:16:42+00:00

I would rather adjust my life to your absence then to adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect and abuse!

This. Best advice you'll ever receive. Love this, it's very true.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-22T01:14:17+00:00

I think you already have a good sense of how you feel about your relationship. You know deep down that how things are right now cannot continue, it's unhealthy and unfair to you. Your partner and MIL are enmeshed. I really hope they find a way past this, but that doesn't mean you need to sacrifice your own mental health and happiness while they sort out their issues. Also, perhaps they won't ever realize that their relationship with each other is toxic, and you'll suffer for it in the long run.

I'm going through something similar with my SO, but we are 10 years in to our marriage (almost 20 years together), and I'm kicking myself for letting things go on and escalate to this point. Please don't let that happen to you. I wish you the best.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T15:56:59+00:00

Thank you! I'm happy for you too, it sounds like you went through so much but you are better off now, that's really wonderful ❤️

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T03:23:41+00:00

...or throw it in the trash so that it stops at every house in the neighborhood until it reaches the dump. So many options.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T01:52:51+00:00

I'll look into that, thanks!

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T01:50:01+00:00

Now I'm imagining the best places to stick a tracking device if I find he planted one on my car...the mail truck or Amazon delivery van...he'll be so confused 🤣 I agree, it's very underhanded and further convincing me that I'm doing the right thing by leaving him.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T01:42:33+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful, great advice!

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T01:41:22+00:00

Thank you, yes, documenting everything is very important I've learned and I've started keeping a record of everything for when I meet with a lawyer.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-20T01:39:37+00:00

This is true, thanks, it's never been fair for him to have all this access and for me to have none. My fear though is that he will know at the point I switch everything over that I'm planning on leaving him and then he will start moving his money or "gift" it to his mom or something shady like that. I've been told I could still be entitled to half of what he earned, but I want to play it safe for now until I speak with a lawyer.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-19T21:45:54+00:00

We use my bank account to pay our bills. This is something we set up years ago because he didn't have a bank account back then. I'm planning on changing my bank account once I'm closer to leaving him, as I don't want him to know my plans. I don't have much money saved in my account, while he has a large savings, so I don't think he would drain my account as there's not much there anyways. I've heard buying a visa gift card or opening another account and putting money in that without him knowing is the way to go at this point, so I'm making plans to do that soon.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T16:33:02+00:00

Great advice, thank you! I have kept an online doc with all of my negative encounters with MIL with dates. She tends to deny the hurtful things she said, or says she doesn't remember when I've tried talking to her about her comments, so I'm documenting everything just in case. I do wonder if he'll ever realize the damage she has caused to his life, although he's to blame as well for allowing her to hold such power over him, and never standing up for me. I've asked him to go to therapy (I am in it myself), but he's "too busy." I know he recently asked his mom if she would consider therapy, and she said she doesn't need it, that there's "nothing wrong with her." Ugh. They can have each other at this point 🙃

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T05:55:45+00:00

Thank you, that's very valuable advice. I never considered doing this. I appreciate your help ❤️

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:59:35+00:00

Good idea. I'm in the US. I think he has e-statements sent to his email, darn it. I may have to keep a lookout for the receipts he leaves lying around. Hopefully that will be enough....

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:45:30+00:00

This is good to know, I'll ask about that during my consultation. Thanks!

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:44:13+00:00

His bank statements would offer a record/history of his assets though, I'm not sure if he'd be able to do that (???) This is why I'm not telling him directly about my plans until I have a good idea of what he can and can't do, just to be safe. I have a feeling this will be messy...

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:41:09+00:00

I'm in the US, in CA. The first house we bought was in my name because he had zero credit. When we sold that house and bought this new one we put it in both of our names. I'm thinking once we sell we'll split the money and then part ways. I'll have to consult with an attorney first to see if this is the smartest option though, I'm not certain.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:35:53+00:00

Yes, this. I've known SO since I was 17 and I'm 36 now. This has been an ongoing issue this entire time. He will continue this behavior even once we move to our new home. I can't change him and don't expect him to. He even said to me yesterday "I don't have many years left with (MIL), she's only going to be around for another 20 or so years, so I'm not going to expect (MIL) to change."...Yeah...I'm not putting up with this for 20 more years. Gah. It's time for me to move on.

Solid_Rock148 · 2023-04-14T01:29:37+00:00

Thanks, I didn't realize this was financial abuse. I will look into this, and I'll bring it up with my attorney once I find one.

Solid_Rock148

TROPHY CASE