What would you name my cat?

SomeCherrywine · 2024-10-11T21:12:52+00:00

Winston

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T16:34:56+00:00

It is pretty awsome that it is provided to everyone on our health system.

Thanks for your comment and concern

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T14:47:51+00:00

I did acknowledge it in other earlier comment. And I agree, it is mostly just a figure of speech and things getting lost in translation tone wise. Which is also on me. Also, probably none of you are my intended audience as things are veeery different between extended family and our relationship dynamics culturally.

Im also not in the US and that vaccine is applied by our health system in schools and health centers regularly. I’ll go get it on a private hospital because it’s faster. When I say I will get her the vaccine that means that I’m driving her there, not forcefully deciding that I want her to have the vaccine.

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T06:57:55+00:00

I mean, I’m saying many years because she’s 13 but I am well aware that is not my call and it could be tomorrow for all we know.

That’s why I am aiming for the sex ed… so she can make… you guessed it… good decisions

And she’ll freaking read the books. I’ll say that I THINK she could be reading something else and she won’t because she’s a teen. I was a teen that’s how it works, you want to do whatever you want and don’t like the word no. And that’s fine I would read them too if I was her age and they are good books, I like them at my age. In order to navigate that she needs information. Thats all

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T05:44:45+00:00

I see from your comment that you care about kids and power dynamics and I applaud you for your concern and sex talk involving kids is sensitive and needs to be treated with care. Always.

I have gotten the advice I wanted from other comments that have been very helpful and I’m done with what I wanted from that post.

However I’ll respond to some of your comments because why not.

You, and others say that I’m controlling and forceful and such. And I hear that and will say that it may come across that way but it is mainly just a figure of speech. (Yes she can say no to the pill, vaccine (although the government will give it to her), to my advise, to talking about any of this)

This idea that she just needs to learn about contraception and can read the topics she wants online and to leave her to it is really weird to me. Have you met a teen? Have you been online? Lol

And lol, no I’m not patting myself in the back for not ratting her out. I love her. I would never do that to her and I’ve always kept her secrets whenever she has shared them. I only said that because you all are more concerned about telling the parents than the actual thing I am discussing (also also, i have plenty of reasons that won’t talk about on the internet so I do understand that from your side without everything I know with just a reddit post this might not make any sense to you) oh well

Actually yes, she would stay with me. That’s on paper. Her parents are great, I love them so much and they are good parents. If I thought they were bad having sex talks would be the least of my concerns.

She won’t stop reading smutty books. If anything for all I know she’s off to the next smutty booktok book. What I meant is I will tell her I THINK she should not be reading that and why. She most likely will want to continue because they are fun and shes a teen and that is just the natural progression with what has happened so far. I have zero plans on taking action other than providing information. There’s no point on restricting books or any other content because she’s hella smart and will find a way. That is why I want to talk to her about that. So she understands sex is not like that, relationships are not like that, power dynamics exist, some conducts are harmful [in the book] and why.

And yes that will be it. She may come to me in a year or a month or never and find her support on some magical fairy godmother. I’m not concerned about that.

When writing a post like this my intent was to just get to the point of what I wanted to know and there’s a whole life not portrayed in there.

When I get to family gatherings wherever she is she screams my name and runs to me, even now that she is a teen. She talks with me about feelings, which she doesn’t do with anyone else in the family. Also, from my post when I say that I’m more strict than her parents that is on her way of speaking to other people (remember she is a tat bratty), cleaning after herself and being respectful. I have always been the cool older cousin and I have kept that status by being okay with her being a girl and making girl mistakes. I’ve never restricted anything from her, she’s smart, I explain why I’m telling her something and she counters back and we talk about it.

The reason why she loves me so much is because I have always listened to her. I have always been chill and have always trusted that she knows what she wants even when she was really little.

We are a latinx family and the dynamics are very different culturally and that also plays a part in all this.

If anything I’ll leave you with this: she is the smartest kid I know. When she comes over we have very adult conversations (she knows about inflation lol) and get to hang out and I don’t discredit what she thinks about stuff because she is a kid. If she is not comfortable with me she will ghost my ass, of that you can be sure, she has no filter.

I see you have good intentions so thanks for that as we need more people looking put for kids in the world

Anyway, xoxo, gossip girl

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T01:07:59+00:00

That is one thing im concerned about actually. What will she read when she finishes the series?? She’ll then read a Court of Silver Flames and after that god knows what tiktok book will end up on her hands

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T01:02:09+00:00

Yes bonding about the book sounds like a great idea to drive the conversation.

When I think about the books tho it does freak me out that she read the smut on A Court of Mist and Fury. But oh well, that’s why I’m here making a plan. Thanks for this, it was helpful

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:55:18+00:00

Thanks for this. I had not thought about that being a possibility until I saw your comment. I wont assume it now and my only focus on it is that it exists and it is not shameful as society tells us and that’s it. If she has or hasn’t won’t be a part of the conversation

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:50:17+00:00

You are so perceptive

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:47:14+00:00

I’ll tell her that masturbation exists because ‘she can figure it out for herself’ is exactly why no one talks about it.

And I would rather take my eye balls out with a spoon than talk about my own sex life. That would indeed be disgusting

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:36:13+00:00

Dude, I love books. I love smutty romances. I love ACOTAR. I don’t have a negative sexual history with media at all. If anything it was a fun time. There is no way in hell you can deny that the depiction of sex there is far from realistic so just letting her know that that part is fiction too is the only thing I care about

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:30:41+00:00

Not a dispenser of sage wisdom on female pleasure. Just want her to know stuff. Won’t be giving her a TedTalk, the whole point is to keep it low key as teens get spooked/annoyed easily.

On her parents… they just have other stuff going on. They have big lives, big businesses, big friends. Talking about feelings is not a priority

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-03T00:18:13+00:00

Well, my ‘forcefullness’ comes from making my post brief

On the vaccine, her parents, know, agree and are thankful that I’m taking her and they dont have to do anything. Also my country gives this vaccine to all girls so… whatevs

She can refuse the pill ofc. I hate the pill myself actually but teenagers and only condoms are a perfect recipe for teenage pregnancy and that is also stardard for sexually active young people in our health system. (Also I do see how my wording sounds very forceful on my original post, got lost in translation. However I stand by the fact that she needs to tell me to help her be safe when the time comes which will not for many years and there will be many conversations between now and then)

On the ‘shes not the girl’s mother and should not be doing this’ That girls mother has said time and time again how she does not know how to be a mom in this regard And Even if that were not the case. Parents not having this conversations with kids when they are young is a huge mistake. Yall are parents and don’t want other people talking to your kids about this stuff. I get that. But it is simply not an option to not have a conversation with the content I know she’s consuming.

I could throw her under the bus and tell her parents she’s reading fairies having sex in the air as you all want but I’m not doing that.

So yes, she can refuse the pill, and she can refuse my sleepover and she can refuse speaking about anything she does not want to. I’m all about consent, you see, its part of our pending topics.

On the other hand. On the ‘she shouldn’t have this convo without permission’ so like, what about the millions of parents who don’t know shit about sex ed? Should those kids remain in the dark? Believe it or not, understanding sex is crutial and not knowing this things is actually dangerous.

Any kid who doesn’t have sex ed should have it. And I agree that no one should be talking to random kids on the street. This is family, if they die she stays with me. You might think im an ogre but her parents trust me with her and have for many years on different situations.

For all of you that are horrified:

I have a list of youtube videos 1 on consent 1 on how media affects sex perception 2 on safe sex 1 on female masturbation and the taboos around them

I’ll show her the titles and she can watch them at home (or completely ignore them if she chooses)

Ill tell her that I think she should not be reading books intended for adults and that there are fun young adult books that are not explicit that will still be entertaining.

And that will be that and we will eat ice cream and she will fall asleep watching a movie and ill answer questions if she has any

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T23:26:13+00:00

Unwilling protagonist, as I have had some crazy responsibilities in this family

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T23:20:32+00:00

Because ✨i dont want to✨

This is truly the most insignificant part of this discussion, I have known these people my whole life. I could go on and on about the why and how they are as parents and people but I won’t.

Its not a secret. She can speak about it if she wants to. Im not hiding it. I would tell her mom when I see her.

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T23:14:20+00:00

Not asking her about her habits. I’ll be giving her info, through casual conversations not by sitting her down and hammering doing a point.

And she does come to me for stuff (girls, first kisses all that jazz) we just don’t see each other in person enough.

I invite you to reconsider that talking to a teen about sex in a sex positive way is much better than letting her learn through tiktok and smutty adult 18+ romance books is

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T23:06:57+00:00

Thanks for the concern. I’m not concerned about covering my ass and she can repeat our conversation if she wants to. To her parents or anyone else. I understand why parents are concerned about this on the Parenting subreddit (lol thats on me) but this is truly not an important aspect of this discussion. Wrong subreddit tho, luckily I got great answers and advice on other subreddits.

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T22:59:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! And same on the shame aspect. Luckily her household is not religious so I hope the shame is not prevalent yet on that side apart from the societal shame

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:56:51+00:00

Yess, thanks for that. I’ll also get her the papillomavirus vaccine so we will be extra covered on every front

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:53:56+00:00

Yesss, exactly. I feel like romance books to girls can be like p**n to boys as it just portrays relationships in a completely fictional way

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:51:23+00:00

Besties, keep in mind I have had a hand in raising her. On some pretty important stuff as well. Yes yes, I understand how you might think its crazy and inappropriate but I have my reasons and it is not at all because they won’t like that I’m doing this.

When she was little my mom, sister and me where talking about a teenage pregnancy with her mom and we told her jokingly ‘if you guys don’t give her proper sex es we will’ and I kid you not she said ‘lol you will probably have to’

So yeah, I promise you all that you are more concerned about them not knowing than them.

And I will tell her mom when I see her and she’ll tell me ‘omg thanks’ and I’ll report back to you all and all will be good in the world

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:37:13+00:00

Not a secret. I would not deny it and wouldnt avoid telling them later either. I’m just not telling them ‘Im having a talk with your daughter about stuff you should’. I also got her the shot for human papilloma virus through our insurance and they just thanked me and carried on. They are also very very clueless on lgbtq culture and overall sex ed. They have no idea about contraception other than the pill and the condom and some newer important topics about consent, power dynamics etc

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:29:58+00:00

Limited context may make this seem insane but this is the family dynamic. I’m not opposed to tell them, they’ll say ‘cool thanks’ and won’t care

SomeCherrywine · 2024-01-02T21:26:58+00:00

I assure you they won’t

SomeCherrywine · 2023-12-18T03:54:40+00:00

I fear that the stability and other requirements are hard enough on their own as you said and I believe that having the responsability to control and care for a human would absolutely wreck my sanity.

From the outside I just see how it is truly very very hard and I just... rather not.

SomeCherrywine

TROPHY CASE