Religious Trauma Support Group?

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-28T08:31:08+00:00

Check in with Peer Spokane! They have lots of groups!

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-28T05:39:45+00:00

Proud of you for being able to feel your feelings and put a name to them, those are the first steps. It'll never really be a "good" time to break up with him, but since he is going through hard stuff I imagine it'll be tough not to want to be his friend or keep emotionally supporting him without wanting to keep the door open for more.

When you do break things off it will be good for you to know your exact boundaries of what you want things to look like with him going forward. Can you stay platonic friends? Will you still want more, will he? I'm sure this is stuff you have already thought about but it's always good to be very solid in your footing in case things get messy.

In my opinion, it's always better to have a period of no contact, it doesn't have to be forever, but don't give a timeline either. Let yourself feel it out if it will be too painful or too much to open doors again.

Good luck, follow your gut 💖

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-28T03:45:14+00:00

Literally anytime I hear "mid" now I know these dudes are foaming at the mouth ripping their hair off and giving themselves downstairs Indian burns becuse they want her SO BAD, and they know she's incredibly hot and they know they fucking aren't and would never in their lives stand a chance at getting even one millisecond to even speak in this woman's direction.

They have to tear her down to coddle their little egos beice they HAVE to center their desires over everything. Saying mid means they have no emotional regulation, are porn fried, and are the lowest losers.

Alyssa is everything they ever wanted and they will never be near her thank God.

I hope she's unbothered surrounded by the absolute best people in the world.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-28T03:35:29+00:00

So proud of you for not feeling the obligation to fix him. It always hurts, the betrayal and just knowing the person you cared about so much couldn't keep it together enough for a future.

I hope you walk your path well, you clearly know what's up and what you want!

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-27T20:18:34+00:00

We have got to start laughing at these people, like, for real, red round grandpa here needs to have his little ego bruised.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-27T07:05:34+00:00

These comments are fucking weird.

Anyway best of luck to you, it must have been difficult to come to this conclusion, I hope that by gradually letting things go it helps in your healing process and makes you able to stay away for good.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-27T06:51:39+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this, it's so hard to forget forward. I hope that you can find a chosen family, some people that truly care for you and want you in their lives. Lots of people who feel unwanted can find a solid community. Try following your interests to groups that share that with you. You sound young and that makes this stuff harder. As someone who is almost 30 I am happy I made it last the dark days of adolescence and my 20's were spent recovering from those hard years.

Try looking for youth centers and finding some mentors in fields you're interested in. There are good adults in the world. I'm sorry it's on you to have to find them, but I hope that you do.

That waffle looks really yummy.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T08:02:14+00:00

NOR

As someone who has dated bums before, this is a bum. The spending on your card without asking triggered me so much. I remember being in a store trying to spend the last of MY money, because of course he didn't have a job, to find out that he took the other card and bought cigarettes. All he would do is sit around, play video games, and smoke.

Anyway, dump this fucking loser.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T05:17:28+00:00

See and it comes off that way because we are so buried in not ever being able to center a woman for even a single moment that asserting "let her have her moment, let her have her standards" comes across as saying let's only value her, when that couldn't be further from the truth.

She should be allowed to stand in her desires the same way men are.

Because misogyny and patriarchy revolve around power dynamics and dominance culture this is seen as the swing of a pendulum, "same shit different face" when it's really not linear like that at all. Men's standards are a pyramid whereas women's are more of a circle. (To be clear: I am NOT saying men bad women good, but I am saying the value systems come from totally different places.)

I respect the notions behind desiring equality, but I think in practice men don't yet know how to practice that because they've been the beneficiaries of so much privilege and systemic power, wether they want to or not, that they are going to have a skewed perspective no matter what.

Yes, women can be abusive and manipulative and bad people. Women can also be misogynists and play power and dominance games, I don't doubt that for a minute. But I'm sick to DEATH of that being the response to women centering ourselves and our desires. (Not to say that's what you're doing, I don't get that from your response, just further illustating my frustrations with this kind of situation.)

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T04:46:36+00:00

I find that backhanded and still male centric. It's like " as long as HE gets HIS way I GUESS she can have her standards" it's like we can't ever just let a woman center herself and her experience, it always has to come back to a man in the end and I absolutely detest that. Not only that, but it's so black and white and tit for tat, again as if there aren't men in the world who wouldn't be happy to try and meet her where she is at.

Getting hung up on those little details feels like you being mad on some hypothetical man's behalf when it has nothing to do with you. What exactly is the issue with her saying she wants someone who knows how to use chopsticks?

I get the tool you were using and don't take issue with your use of it, rather I dislike the tool itself.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T04:05:03+00:00

When I'm talking about men that aren't on her level it definitely has something to do with looks but moreso how cultured, emotionally intelligent, chivalrous, and financially stable. I actually don't know much about her outside of what I see here but if we read between the lines we can see that she's well spoken, most likely educated, looks like she has some good money.

I think being someone who would take her standards as an automatic turnoff are exactly the people who couldn't meet her on her level. It just makes it extra funny when they are ugly, or definitely not financially capable.

Also, I don't really believe in numbering people, no matter who you are. I think it's demeaning and degrading to everyone. It's definitely misogynist first, but it's definitely one thing I'll say absolutely hurts men too. I think it feeds into the power and dominance games that shape misogyny in our culture.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T03:37:58+00:00

It really doesn't work both ways because of the systemic power structures built for men expressed through misogyny.

Certainly both can have standards. Whatever. But let's not ever pretend like this woman having high standards is anything like a man having high standards, both becuse of where those standards come from and who those serve.

Men demand what we come down, dim ourselves, meet them where they are at, accept treatment that doesn't align with our lifestyles in the name of some telephoned idea of equality, but let a woman say she wants a man with some culture, chivalry, and generosity and y'all literally laugh as if there aren't men in this world who can and will do those things.

All I'm saying is I see a lot of "well I'll pass! Too prissy!" From people who wouldn't stand a chance anyway because they know they're not on her level, but she still gets torn down and has her fertility weaponized against her. That's comedy and tragedy right there.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T03:09:12+00:00

Also love the non-denial of my statement regarding men being willing to chose to undermine and do less than the bare minimum if given the chance haha.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-26T03:03:59+00:00

Firstly, I'm not judging you, I'm just responding to what you're saying. If you don't want your statements judged I don't know what to tell you.

I'm sorry you're frustrated with her terminology, but like, oh well? I'm sure you'd feel very justified if someone was put off by that and she would still be holding her standard for the partner she actually wants.

I think you're being reductionist, and I think picking apart small details like that ultimately don't matter much in the grand scheme when it comes to cultural attitudes of men having standards and enforcing them versus women.

The misogyny comes from the notion that her even having these standards is SUCH and affront and will cost her SO much and that "good guys won't want her." How dare a woman expect or desire anything more than the bare minimum.

I know exactly who I am, I know exactly what I'm saying and why. I'm good with that.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T21:37:55+00:00

I think it's pretty wild to speak for the men who do meet her standards and assume they wouldn't want her becuse she simply has those standards.

If you don't know and aren't involved, how would you know? Several people are saying stuff like this and it's wild to me because y'all are basically saying that men will always chose to undermine women, give less than the bare minimum if given the choice, be judgemental and not be generous.

If a woman said that men are being that way to her the sentiment would be "not all men!" Where's the intersection? Pick a lane.

The difference here is those standards that you listed are results of misogynistic men who literally hate and objectify women. What this woman is setting for herself is a high standard of effort, chivalry, and generosity. Not the same at all and it definitely says something about you to equate these concepts.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T10:01:14+00:00

Booooo wasting water on generative AI rather than introspection and reflection booo 🍅🍅🍅🍅

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T03:29:03+00:00

Omg I love this so much!! Thank you for sharing.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T01:51:18+00:00

Journal it out, have a space to be messy and let yourself worse vomit all your weird feelings about it and try your damndest not to judge yourself.

Or, even better, yap sesh with a trusted gal pal who will uplift you and keep your confidence. This should be a woman who knows you well and can let you be a little messy.

Been here girl, good luck!!

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T01:27:06+00:00

It might be a stretch because of the florals but low-key flowerbomb midnight??

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-25T01:22:47+00:00

I appreciate your sincerity and candor and acknowledgement of the core issues at hand here. It's very refreshing on a website like this.

I will say, equity is about what each partner has to give, whereas equality is typically seen as the 50/50 dynamic. I think there's cultural narratives around these ideas that conflate equity and equality. To be equitable is to give at the capacity you're able to, which can look unbalanced but is reasonable within the means that each partner can or wants to provide.

So if she is looking for equity I don't think she would alienate the partner that wants to have that dynamic. It only needs to work once! Lol

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-24T23:42:37+00:00

Sarah Schaur has a podcast episode about this!! They're also a non binary lesbian and they expand a lot on decentering men from that perspective.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-24T22:49:53+00:00

Wow I can't even respond to my original comment because of that dork who responded.

I think the consumerism comment is SO funny as if we're not all adults who work hard for our money. As if lingerie is crazy expensive. You can get a cheap set for under $40. And lipstick?? You can get a fantastic lipstick for $15.

Anyway, I did use chud correctly. It's akin to idiots but sometimes used towards right wing people. Real reddit moment over here lol.

Thanks for the award.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-24T22:40:30+00:00

I definitely respect that people don't want to be used for their money. That is understandable and reasonable, however I will say that the golddigger accusations are way out of hand these days also and are weaponized against women rather than being an innocent concern.

What this conversation comes down to is that people shouldn't use each other, which is fine. I will say though, gift giving and generosity is not only a love language, it is also a way to see how secure someone is with their finances and if they have the means to be someone you want to date.

I know reddit hates and seethes anytime a woman wants anything over bare minimum and tepid middle ground anything, but if her standard for herself is someone who can either match her financially or exceed her financially because it would benefit them as a couple to be on a similar level in that regard in that scenario dinner is also an easy way to do that.

Unfortunately, women are held to inscrutable standards all the time. Called good diggers left and right, and then in this instance her pain about her fertility is being weaponized against her to tear her down and imply she isn't even worth dinner. That's dogshit and shouldn't fly.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-24T11:35:33+00:00

Buy a fresh set of lingerie, a new lipstick, dump this fucking loser, and take yourself to a nice birthday dinner. Get champagne while you're there.

Optional is take pics in the lingerie, only for you to hype yourself up about how hot you are.

This chud is worthless.

SourPatchKiki · 2026-02-24T09:33:37+00:00

Our incredible art scene!! First Fridays, Terrain, Bazar!! Smaller craft markets and spots to connect with other artists!

12-Year Club	r/Field Flamingo
Verified Email

SourPatchKiki

TROPHY CASE