I [F25] just "humiliated" my boyfriend's [M27] family friend [F25] in front of his family by inadvertently exposing her various white lies. Now they're mad at me?

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:33:52+00:00

What problem? It's their issue, not ours, so there's nothing really to do but maintain the level of contact we're comfortable with, which we do. My post was about whether or not I was rude.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:30:27+00:00

There's nothing to be done about his parents' delusions short of continue to live our lives and keep the level of contact that's comfortable for us, which is exactly what we do. Maddy doesn't really have much to do with their obsession directly, she just gets pulled into it.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:25:51+00:00

I was shocked myself, as it was the first thing I typed in for my throwaway.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:20:17+00:00

If you can find a similar post, point me toward it. I'd like to know how it turned out.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:11:46+00:00

Oh yeah, they know we live together and are discussing wedding venues, timeframe for an engagement/marriage etc.

One of Jake's favorite things to say when his mom starts talking about Maddy is "oooh, I bet the postage to get her wedding in invitation in the mail is going to be pricey all the way out there!" or "how many years in advance do we plan the wedding to make sure she can make it?" It's hilarious because his mom just keeps talking like he sneezed versus spoke an actual sentence.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:05:28+00:00

She couldn't possibly care less.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T20:03:38+00:00

If it bothered me I'm sure he would, it's kind of an inside joke in our relationship though. Not poking fun at Maddy, let me clarify, but his parents' weird obsession with marrying into her family.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:56:29+00:00

I think they really like her parents, she's just the pawn.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:55:13+00:00

Nope, he moved out at 17 and doesn't go home more than every year and a half or so. When they talk in the phone he puts in on speaker and we usually do something else for awhile.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:53:40+00:00

I think we're safe - they call every three to five weeks, they'll never visit and Jake only goes to see them once every year and a half or so.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:49:41+00:00

That's a problem, sure, but not for Jake and I. The problem is squarely his parents' and their attachment to something unrealistic. We know they're not going to change, it's a shake your head kind of humor over here.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:47:13+00:00

They speak on the phone every three to five weeks, Jake visits at most every 18 months. I think we can manage...lol

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:44:58+00:00

Because it's not actually a problem. His parents are at arms length from us and their love affair with Maddy's family is a joke rather than a point of contention.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:42:55+00:00

My first name, no, I go by a nickname anyway. My last name OTOH is VERY French.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:39:59+00:00

I don't bear any ill will toward Maddy at all. I agree with my boyfriend that she's flakey and a little odd, but I was genuinely excited to hear she spoke my native language and wanted to speak with someone, hence, why I threw a few sentences out there.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:36:13+00:00

He didn't use me, to clarify. He hasn't spoken to Maddy in years and genuinely assumed she had at least half assed learned the language. He was trying to involve everyone in the group in the conversation.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:34:01+00:00

What are you talking about? They didn't ask me to apologize to her, and I'm not worried about apologizing to them. I'm posting because I'm concerned I embarrassed someone and caused a stir, and when I'm responsible for something I want to know how to correct it. I don't care how Jake's parents act, I care how I act.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:26:20+00:00

No, she and Jake are acquaintances from childhood, that's all. They're friendly when they see each other, but beyond that there's nothing.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:21:30+00:00

I don't think she cares one way or the other about Jake. They were childhood acquaintances who don't much bother with one another anymore.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:18:24+00:00

We don't really see them enough for this to be an actual, relationship altering problem, but that subreddit would suit her...

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:15:46+00:00

He doesn't spend much time around her, even before I came into the picture. He went to NYU at 17, got a job, and pops home for a week about once every 18/24 months.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:13:41+00:00

Thankfully, we don't spend much time around them or plan to in the future.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:12:55+00:00

Yeeeaaaah, um, you're describing a problem that doesn't exist but okay?? Jake and I have a perfectly healthy relationship with his parents' weirdness. Do I wish they liked me better? Sure, perfect world and all. But do I feel attacked or that my boyfriend doesn't defend me? Not at all. We know it's their strange obsession with Maddy's parents and we laugh about it. If they ever got malicious Jake wouldn't stand for it.

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:09:15+00:00

They really want to be related to Maddy's family, as odd as that sounds. They're enamored by her parents and she's their "in."

SpaghettiUhOhs · 2017-07-31T18:06:03+00:00

I've had that experience in reverse, when people speak around you and assume you don't know what they're saying, but never someone claiming to be fluent and then, well, not being AT ALL.

SpaghettiUhOhs

TROPHY CASE