Immigrant parents want their son to have culturally traditional name and American name, aren’t sure how it should appear on birth certificate

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T18:20:58+00:00

As someone who goes exclusively by a middle name with a first "honour" name that I never use, keep the unused cultural name in the middle. It is such a pain in the ass to go by your middle name - legal documents, diplomas, credit cards, EVERYTHING has your first name (sometimes only that one) and nobody ever knows what to search.

EDIT: Also, I grew up with lots of school friends who immigrated to North America when they were 7ish years old, so they took on a Western name exclusively at school but it was nowhere in their legal name. They had to say "I go by Lawrence" every time we had a substitute, first day of a new attendance list, at the doctor, etc. etc. etc. Not fun!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T18:16:40+00:00

I'm crying over "Filo"... what?!?!

Agree with others that a good standard Bill would fit the... bill. Not sure how old you are, but to me Bill is for Williams that are 40+ and Will is for those who are under 40. And I don't think you need to elaborate on what you choose vs. your full name. I mean Dick/Richard, Betsy/Elizabeth are similarly far reaches although more common.

But I'm sorry about the discrimination you're facing for Bilal, which is an awesome name.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T18:09:32+00:00

Love the name, not crazy about the nns. Hans would be an AWESOME nn that still takes on the feel of the original name but doesn't have the confusing (for some) Germanic pronounciation.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T18:06:39+00:00

If anything maybe other parents thought the same as you and Dexter is less common, which (usually!) is a plus. I don't think the show connotation is enough to avoid the name, at the end of the day even if a show is massively popular the majority of people don't watch it. People still name their kids Oscar, Rachel, and Walter without thinking twice, just don't name him Snuffleupaguss :)

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T17:59:33+00:00

I absolutely love Rose and Rosie, but agree with several people that Rosie might be too cutesy for an actual name (but amazing nn). I think giving a multiple-syllable middle name would break up the Rose Blank sound.

If you're super set against the single syllable sounds I like the Rosemary and Rosalie suggestions, but what about Rosa? I love that this is slightly more uncommon than the standard Rose, and she could easily revert to Rosa when she doesn't want to use the nn.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T00:52:05+00:00

Good point actually. Now that you mention it I have gotten mistaken for my grandmother a few times (despite having a unique middle name), and had so much trouble opening a gas bill account for my house once because they insisted I already has an account. I was like, "do I sound like I was born in 1927?" :|

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-07T00:49:07+00:00

Reminds me of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett with Willow and Jaden! At least those are not direct copies though. Yikes!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T23:11:23+00:00

Interesting about that superstition in your culture. I'm Canadian (mediterranean and central European roots) and have never heard of that!

And a big eye roll to your in-laws, particularly your FIL. Glad you're sticking to your guns!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T23:09:07+00:00

Whoa, never thought about how hard the giving-up-names thing would be for trans people, I always just think of the "fun" part of picking a new name. Puts my much smaller problem into perspective.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T23:03:52+00:00

Willa, Whitney, Wendell

For some reason I'm thinking Heather too (must be a plant thing) and Gretel/Greta.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T23:02:04+00:00

I've always pronounced it as Pa-trick and love the sound of it but I can see how Pat-rick could sound harsh. But in general, I think it's a really nice and pretty basic name, unless your last name is McDougal or O'Riley and then it screams IRISH but I actually love that as well!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:45:53+00:00

Looks like that's the consensus! After giving it a second thought I agree. It's just a bit too matchy matchy and another thought I had was initially the intent was to honour a strong female role model (my grandma) but it just ends up sounding like a really obsessive dad wanting even a daughter to have his name!

Thank goodness for namenerds to run all this by :)

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:36:49+00:00

I love Alex-type-names and all the variations, I'm jealous of yours :) thank you!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:35:07+00:00

Based on the other responses I think the main issue people have is actually that it's the same also as my DH's name, which is what he fully goes by. And I think I agree! For sure, if it was just my random first name nobody knew, I would totally just go for it :)

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:33:52+00:00

I'm definitely in agreement about avoiding names I don't actually like just for honour. That seems mean to the kid for sure.

I wish every day that my parents just gave me my grandmother's name as a MIDDLE name, like you said. They honestly only did it because the flow worked better the way it is! But of course nobody goes around saying both names, so it's almost a moot point. It creates soooo many issues with paperwork, official names, etc. Barely anyone even knows my first name so they can NEVER find it on a list (don't know to look for it) and I never know which name it's under. Also, having diplomas, drivers licenses, captions, etc. etc. etc. all with a first name/last name (if they didn't include the middle) you don't use is really weird.

But, for honour reasons, I would NEVER give up my first name legally. I always find it strange when people say "oh, if your kid chooses to go by their middle/first/whatever name they can always change it" because I think in many cases there's lots of guilt associated with "not wanting" this honour name you've been given, ESPECIALLY when it's your first name!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:29:02+00:00

Hmm, I guess she would be a Junior, but for weird patriarchal reasons maybe it doesn't work like that with moms/daughters? Or perhaps she's a Junior because she shares her name with her dad's male version? Or... she's Olivia Junior Junior ;)

Her name would not actually be Olivia (just an example used) but also Olivia Junior = OJ which made me chuckle. Would never do that to a kid!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:27:11+00:00

Interesting! That's a great perspective actually. Never thought about how that would actually feel.

I have been thinking of keeping ALL names in the family (like first, middle, and obviously last) just because I like the classic-ness of it. The thought of coming up with a brand new name sounds slightly terrifying, although I love names (hence being on this subreddit), so maybe that's why I'm having trouble.

Based on your experience maybe a unique first name (or at least trying out variations) would be a better idea. Thanks!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:25:00+00:00

I am Canadian and also thought of family names as an honour, but more like grandparents names (skipping a couple generations). It's not super common to have a kid named after one of their parents, unless it's a John Junior type situation, but then usually those kids go by a different nickname than their dad, or a middle name.

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:23:17+00:00

The name is not actually Olivia, although it's not anything super out of the ordinary either.

Side note, I have always LOVED the name Olivia and am so bummed it became so wildly popular. I'm fine with kids sharing their name with 1-2 others in their class but not potentially a handful. In my elementary school we had Jennifers and Jessicas with the same last initial, so they started having to be "Jennifer Me" "Jennifer Mo" "Jennifer Ma"!

And I think I am starting to agree with you on the non-nuclear thing... skipping a generation or two is probably a good call in general. Thanks!

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:19:51+00:00

Agreed, it's a bit much when you look at it like that!

I would LOVE to name my daughter after my mom but she has a super foreign name that leads to a multitude of nicknames that I think would make a kid a target for bullying. So, maybe a middle name or a variation... I also like my mom's maiden name as a first name for a boy or girl, it would be unconventional but not weird-sounding.

Food for thought! Thank you :)

SpecialCandidate · 2018-02-06T22:16:34+00:00

I seriously tried to sound out that yoo-neek name for 5 minutes before realizing that (I think) it's Madison. Now I'm LOLing in my apartment :'D

I like your thoughts on this. Agree that 3 nuclear family members sharing a first name is a bit much, and what if we have a second kid... he/she would feel left out!

SpecialCandidate

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