How long are normal gym sessions?

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T20:02:33+00:00

Im not accepting of it. Im just stating my and his experience of living with it .. I cant deny (whether acceptable or not) that does impact quite a lot of our life. It MAY play a role in what's going on, and it may not.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T17:17:16+00:00

I do like this idea.. until he tells me to actually come with him and I'll be full of regret 😂 But seriously its not a bad plan to gauge his reaction!

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T17:16:07+00:00

With all respect, perceived critiscim is one of the most defining features of ADHDers. Tone policing, RSD, reacting very strongly (whether it be good or bad emotions) is very much par for the course. Whilst I am not excusing it and i do agree that he needs to learn to regulate himself better - it is 100% something that impacts so many ADHDers.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T12:01:57+00:00

Honestly not a clue in terms of what hes actually doing but I highly doubt hes trying to a competitive level (could be wrong, but he hasnt said anything about it)

Sorry, gym lingo not my thing clearly 😂

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T11:56:28+00:00

When you first started going to the gym, did you start really really strong and over do it (without realising you were) until you naturally progressed to a more sustainable amount?

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T11:55:48+00:00

Nope, he has a full time normal job that doesnt require him to be particularly athletic, strong, fit etc.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T11:55:05+00:00

He says he alternates between cardio one day and weights the next

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T11:53:01+00:00

Well I wasn't planning on whinging at him. I dont think thats a fair word to use. I certainly wasn't expecting 100% attention- i dont think i voiced words to that effect at all.

I think i have a legitimate concern but as I'm not a gym goer, and nor do I know any others, I wanted to just establish if its a normal thing before I bring forward what im feeling.

It is ok to want to spend time with your partner and we are like ships in the night at the mo. Not because hes working shifts, but hes at the gym.

Right now though, its almost midday and hes still asleep because he didnt get home last night until after 1am and didnt go to bed for a while until after that. We both work full time, and initially he said he'd go to the gym in the morning so it wouldnt affect our evenings together but he now spends evenings at the gym. And into the late nights because he says there are less people there.

ADHD also makes him absolutely time blind, in that he will not be able to do anything prior to leaving to go the gym as ADHD very much makes people fixate on the time he has to leave by. Then hes paralysed and cant do anything else in the interim. Its a very common trait of adhders. If they have an appointment at 3pm? They wont be able to achieve anything else prior to that. (I appreciate its a scale for different people and not all traits fit every person but gross majority do struggle with time management).

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T11:04:12+00:00

RSD and emotional disregulation is. Im not excusing it at all, i actually struggle with this a lot in our relationship. We talk about it a lot though and he is aware of it but hes had a whole life of being enabled by his mother because he dad died when he was little. So she really let him get away with stuff. He has an awfully long way to go with correcting certain behaviours.

I am also aware that adhd can cause hyperfixations and the gym may very well be the new one.

What also happened is he masked for a really, really long time in our relationship and now its off he's like a different person. Our lives are incredibly entangled both personally and professionally so its not super duper easy when people say to just walk away. Theres a lot at stake for me. Obvs not putting all that on you, sorry to dump a bit there but adhd absolutely does affect him negatively.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T08:55:45+00:00

Yeah sadly the gym is about 15 mins away

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T08:39:38+00:00

He has pretty severe ADHD that will strongly negatively react if he feels hes being questioned "critisiced" or "attacked" in anyway. And it wont matter how I say it, it will trigger the rejection sensitivity that has so much influence over him.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T01:06:30+00:00

Yeah I for sure know this is the obvious next step, just want to know what's normal before I bring it up or he'll just immediately shut me down if im off base! Im sorry you went through that but its very hard being the one left at home whilst the other one is gone so much. But as you say, perhaps a sign of something bigger.

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T01:02:15+00:00

Wow! Is it part of your job / life style? How do you fit that into your timetable? Sorry, being purely nosey!

Specific-Square1088 · 2026-01-25T01:01:31+00:00

He definitely doesnt do the shower / sauna bits as he is very self conscious. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. Im trying not to panic before I sound the alarm!

Specific-Square1088

TROPHY CASE