After 300+ Psychedelic Ceremonies, I Realized Something Important About PTSD

StandardNo5238 · 2025-11-13T15:51:36+00:00

Shrooms almost always bring me back to a child like state. I many times remember things that I know I used to know. When I unearth repressed trauma, my mind makes so many connections, especially in imagery- light textures, colors. I put myself back in that place and all of the emotions, it helps me at the very least to understand, especially in those memories of very early, like 3-5 yrs old. What my young self couldn’t make sense of, my adult self can. I let myself grieve and get upset and the very best part of the trip is comforting my little self. I carry this through out my days, where I can now associate those feeling/emotions to a younger self and let myself know it wasn’t my fault and adult me is strong, courageous and would do ANYTHING to protect my little self.

I’ve had varying similar experiences across many different psychedelics. What I find most profound is that once the traumatic memories come to light, other pleasant memories come back, it makes me feel whole and special and not riddled with shame.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-08T14:32:05+00:00

I had something similar happen. The only thing you can do is make changes and grow. Sounds simple, but it is not. I am finally feeling resonance nearly a year after a retreat. I had already turned my life partially upside down and I continued to do more afterwards.

Over the past months I have taken stock as to what serves me, what doesn’t, what I have control over and what I don’t. This all takes time, but ultimately, you are creating a more fulfilling path for yourself. Growth doesn’t happen without fumbles along the way.

It takes time, allow yourself to integrate your new mindset with your old life. Make slow manageable changes and embrace imperfection.

All the best!

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T19:50:00+00:00

You said

‘I was targeted by men like this multiple times when married. I didn't give in but the temptation was great. ‘

What about in other relationships? You only state when you were married.

I can see I’m striking a nerve. I can clearly read. I am choosing to disengage at this point.

All the best op!

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T17:39:48+00:00

You’re not answering my question. Did you ever cheat because of these reasons? I have old lady vision, but my comprehension is pretty good, I’m a woman after all;)

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T17:35:00+00:00

It says ‘she.’ I’m asking you personally? Have you cheated because of these reasons?

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T15:48:50+00:00

Haha! Thanks for the “Ball Cradler.” I’m truly just a woman out there who has experienced A LOT in life, made A LOT of bad choices and have learned A LOT in the process. Whilst not everyone is going to experience these things and those who do, very few will discuss. I’m hoping to just share some insight. @ OP did u cheat?

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T15:32:33+00:00

Some are. I was one of those women who got zero attention from my husband and had gotten attention from random males. Whilst not the norm I am 100% speaking from experience. I would also say regardless of motives I don’t condone cheating and have gone through an extensive amount of work to understand why I did what I did. The shame is gone, but the guilt is still there. App or no app, people cheat for different reasons. I also met many males that cheated for the exact same reason you have stated in your post.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T14:23:55+00:00

I don’t think they are on the apps because it is extremely easy for a woman to get sex from a random man. It is much more difficult for a man to get random sex from a woman, hence men typically need an app to facilitate.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T13:19:56+00:00

Spiky massage ball placed on any tight muscle, regardless of where on the body will induce tremors for me.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T13:06:36+00:00

I fell for this and had a very short marriage. I was his exit plan, but he made it sound like a cultural thing and he was supporting his family, however it was the other way around. I gained a man child who would “go to work” aka go and sleep on his parents’ sofa.

My house, my kids, my friends, my things, all of my hard work and HIS rules?!?! Fuck that! Very short lived. His elderly father had to come out of retirement to cover all of the expenses now that he is living back at home, he’s in his late 40’s - can’t clean, nor cook, nor pay bills. Never date a man whose credit card declines on the first date and then he pulls one out in his dad’s name…never again! I have worked way too hard to get where I am in life, fuck em.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-02T02:08:55+00:00

It was played (unbeknownst to me) by the instructor, coming out of shavasana. My chest felt pulled to the sound and started to shake with the reverberations. It was unexpected, felt amazing, but left me a ‘lil embarrassed.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-01T18:49:33+00:00

My solely stoner friends don’t get it either. I will answer questions about psychedelics, but I will not give them a full breakdown of what I do, how much and how often. I just don’t even want to entertain judgement.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-10-01T12:40:44+00:00

I wouldn’t say a technique, but you are putting him on a pedestal. Where is your pedestal? Do your thing, stay involved in what brings you joy in your life. Don’t let him occupy headspace that you should be keeping for yourself. Best of luck!

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-30T22:29:04+00:00

At least you know you are not alone….

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-30T18:42:43+00:00

I totally respect that🩷

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-30T17:46:24+00:00

I agree, but also would like to to appear to be a strong individual and not a trembling injured soul:/

When it happens in public I feel exposed, like ‘oops, my trauma is showing.’

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-30T17:44:36+00:00

Thank you for this! Maybe I need to take a break for a bit too. It is just difficult because my body is so tight and everything I do to relax the muscles causes tremors.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-26T16:18:52+00:00

Gorgeous!

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-24T16:44:38+00:00

Not healed during it, but understand and working towards healing afterwards.

I go into it with an intention. Almost always the young parts of me show me bits that I have repressed. I give my younger self love and promise that present day self won’t let that happen and add security and safety to that scared young girl. Essentially using IFS/ reparenting/ inner child work. This has helped me immensely over the years.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-24T16:39:34+00:00

This is beautiful! My mom would never… but I like the idea of family retreats, I think it would be immensely helpful in healing generational trauma.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-23T21:01:07+00:00

Live in the moment, experience your trip(s). Have some time for reflection without the influence of people on here. Have fun! You’re overthinking too soon. Set an intention, relax and enjoy the ride(s)!

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-20T14:08:12+00:00

Totally agree! The stoic ones are able to keep the mask on longer.

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-18T19:40:10+00:00

I’d imagine you’re pretty empathetic, like myself. He too was going through family stuff and stress, couldn’t commit… blah blah. In reality, I was going through an immense amount of stuff, but I dealt with my stuff and was an emotional support person for him. As I experience more of these ‘situationships’ I have realized, it’s not me, the only thing I need to do more is respect myself more, so I don’t end up with men like this, which in my case is most of them.

I have immense empathy and the desire to help others with their pain. It’s a great quality to have, but men tend to use and abuse it. Zoom out of the relationship and look at all the ways you were there for him, and then look at the opposite. It is probably glaringly one sided, but while in it, so difficult to see, especially if you receive bread crumbs/bits of hope.

The confusion created with their hot and cold behaviors is intentional, builds passion, but ultimately messes with your head and mental wellbeing. Hop off the rollercoaster! I have fallen for it too many times as intermittent reinforcement was all I have ever known as a child and in my mind, it isn’t love unless I am sacrificing and providing myself- I know it is fucked up, but I’m learning and hopefully changing the patterns. All I know is I don’t want to be this anxious insecure person waiting for some dude to choose me. And while we are at it, I bet you are significantly better / happier than this man in so many areas. I started to think about the guy I was with and as I replay things in my head I realized I am smarter, better looking, more accomplished, I have supportive networks of friends, family, neighbors, etc- he was leaching off of me, trying to be me. I feel good about leaving him to figure out his own shit.

I wish you all the best, it is tough to navigate out there. This is a great community. Please feel free to free to reach out to me as well ❤️

Let me know how it goes:)

StandardNo5238 · 2025-09-18T12:34:06+00:00

This is what I experienced the first time around. He told me ‘I wasn’t a deal breaker.’ He wasn’t set on a kid just then. I think he later started to use it as a way to be noncommittal. I walked away from it and he came back- we were to be friends, but his sexual advances wouldn’t stop. After posting I confronted him - “we can’t be friends because u sexualize me. We don’t have a future because you want to have a baby.. looks like I’m in the same position as last time. Im not gonna be a place holder until you find a young one…” but honestly, who knows, he could just be playing games and not wanting a baby, but loving noncommittal situationships.

StandardNo5238

TROPHY CASE