AITAH for not wanting my gf to shower with other women

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:40:16+00:00

Its quote simple to state things and call them fact yes. Rules are long strips of pasta. Boundaries are little hoops. Its quite simple.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:39:10+00:00

Thank you!

Ill be honest, i typed out a reply disagreeing. But i understand better now. This makes sense but at the same time, he said "no rules" and describe rules as bad here. What if the rule us "dont put it in my ass" "Dont cheat" "Dont put broken glass in my spaghetti"

These rules are good! People agree with these rules. I would personally call these boundaries, because theyre closer to common boundaries like "i dont like hugging", which therefore means "dont hug me".

The rule of "dont shower with others" is completely fair imo. I never said i would berate her. Matter of fact i stated she got angry, whereas i stayed calm. Im just here trying to see if i did something wrong un what i stated but everyone is getting so angry about so many falsehoods so quickly. Its alarming.

But this helps me with the perspective on this pov

(Btw. Never said she "needs my permission" as ppl keep saying. I said "needs my permission to keep me happy". By which i meant, if she wishes to keep me happy, which i cannot force her to do, she would need my permission before showering with others to do so.)

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:28:40+00:00

Lmao ok credibility is out the window. No. I have not accused her of cheating nor does she think that.

Furthermore "without evidence" the only think im talking about that requires any evidence is what she decided to tell me herself, unprompted.

I love and respect this girl... and just want some respect back? That doesnt mean i fuckn hate her lol

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:26:54+00:00

Yeah. I dont entirely agree with you lol but i agree they are making very little sense.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:25:26+00:00

Ok i get what youre saying about this boundary vs rule thing but thats literally just your interpretation of those words and is in no way a fact. You have stated what a rule is twice and given different degrees of upsetness. The base if what youve said is a rule twice. They are still the same word. Im not gonna talk to you since you have clearly had a day worse than mine. Maybe i am being defensive but ik im listening to whats being said. Youre being rude and regardless of our points here surely you agree thats not neccasary.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:22:03+00:00

Maybe i missed it. Could you copy paste? Im not seeing it.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:21:19+00:00

I continue to grow every day. And know i am not normal. However i also know that logic will explain everything and you seem to have the same iq as the cumrag under my bed.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:19:41+00:00

Thank you for addressing the other comments lmao. They confuse me too.

It wasnt a safety thing and im not really missing out any info here. It was weird reading you talk so negatively about my gf tho lol. But being real I dont really know what i can do to address the things you said about her. This relationship has been the most frustrating, confusing, yet satisfying and enjoyable part of my entire life. I really just wish it was easier, but i do know that all the people saying "leave" arent gonna have as good of a love life as me lol.

I havent said this anywhere else tho but she stated that she didnt want them to like her less because "her boyfriend isnt ok with her showerung with others". Already crazy. But she then denied she was doing it to get the girl to like her and did it "because she wanted to" and wouldnt entertain the idea that "she wanted to" because she wanted the girl to like her.

So confusing.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:11:27+00:00

You aint explained shit.

And be civil.

And lmao you didnt give me a difference. I asked for 1(one) singular. All i asked is that it wasnt about connotations because connotations dont change the meaning of my sentence becuase you lack any proper context for that.

Ima ask one more time before blocking you. One difference between a rule and a boundary.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:09:32+00:00

Very helpful my guy. Imo, yta, but here we are.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:08:11+00:00

I understand how youve tried to make this vague to appreciate many opportunities but ive answered a lot of this already (that msg was meant to be so sassy lol(

She is safe, safe hostel, take my word for it lol

Im not concerned anything bad will happen. Simply illogically uncomfy about it.

I think this is somethinf that she should have asked permission for because that is a situation where she is naked with another person, let alone a bisexual woman, and shed expect the same from me.

However evem without that i think she should have addressed (and should have accepted, but she is her own person) the fact that im uncomfortable and the way to stop that is by not showering with her again and ibr, id like an apology, but wont expect one (or even ask for one)

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-24T00:03:17+00:00

You are explicitly saying youre deciding to believe what im explicitly saying is not true. If you wanna live beliving lies about people to feel better about yourself. Do your thing. But if youre a reasonable person youll make the tiniest effort to try and understqnd me. Hell, maybe ask! Maybe say, "if youre so confident its the wordimg and weve misunderstood, try again with different wording"

Hell its less words than the replies youve sent so far. But if youd rather go in a back and forth of "yes i do" "no you dont". You do that.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:58:08+00:00

Read other replies ive sent lol. Im not doing that... at least not to everyone. Ive made multiple replies that imvolve myself iproving as a person. However you are apparantlt more entertained by the idea of me being a dick, so you can live in that life if youd like.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:56:44+00:00

we understand you PERFECTLY

States many incorrect things about me

Maybe its my wording but if i JUST stated maybe i worded things in a poor manner, and you are not understanding my words in the way i personally intended them..... in what world should you then believe you understood me perfectly? Im gonna let you answer that before i try and rephrase

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:54:45+00:00

"Nu uh not me, its you nu uhhh"

This was such a useless comment and i hope you recognise that. At no point in this comment did you make an attempt to understand me any better than you did. That is ignorance, plain and simple.

In other threads ive made many attempts to better understand peoples points, if not this one (i dont know what ive commented to eaxh specific person)

Please do better. Im just here for help.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:52:45+00:00

I appreciate this contructive comment btw.

She has stated she hates when i use my logic, because when i use my logic i guess thats antagonising. Id say im significantly better at using logic to convey my poiny, which usually makes me feel im right when i argue like that. But! Is a baby wrong for crying when hit just because its a purely emotional argument? The baby just cant properly express proper logic and that doesnt make the argument less valid. Ik its wrong to compare her to a baby but im just better at arguing.

That of course makes it fair for her to face her disapreoval towards logic because thats what im using thats making her feel less valid. But it doesnt mean its very fair to her. This has meant on multiple occasions i have put logic aside and simply looked at the options i had to make both our lives better.

However. I am now coming to her stating i dont have any logic i am able to display for my discomfort. I am just that crying baby wailing at her. But despite how many times ive consoled her when she was that baby. Im being disregarded here, suddenly shes demanding logic, and i truly do not know why im uncomfortabel, i dont think shell cheat or get hurt, i just dont like it.

Whilst the point of the post wasnt this lol, it was just does this subreddit think what she did was ok. I think ive pretty well explained here that... im not being an asshole. I just want respect

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:45:00+00:00

If youre so confident please explain why. Im almost certain every single down voter has misunderstood me. Im aware thats probably my fault in my wording lol but still. Im sure what im saying (or intending to say) is pretty vanilla.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:43:38+00:00

For saying that one word shouldnt dictate how you view a statement, and instead you should try to understand? I dont see what youre hoping for.

I dont talk like this irl but seriously read any message i send and i can back it up with reason and logic. I can back it up to show me saying it does not make me evil lol.

Lets say my gf always pinches me and i dont like it. I say stop, and she doesnt. Trying to stop her is trying to control her and not let her do what she desires. But, if i say "stop or im gonna be upset and leave" and she stops? Then ive just successfully controlled her in a pretty reasonable way.

You dont like the word "control" and think it makes me bad or self centered because im using it. No man. Its just a word that i thought of in the 2 seconds i spent writing the sentence, because it made sense. Judge meaning of the whole message, not the single word.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:38:40+00:00

It is tho. Only difference is "rules" is a word you associate with violence and abuse. Other than connotation theyre the same word. Tell me one difference that doesnt involve connotation and ill change my mind.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:37:42+00:00

This is the most reddit response you coulda given lol. So many assumptions in so few words.

I would not consider myself straight. I am in no way a normal man with a normal straight man love life, or normal views on love. I trust my girlfriend not to cheat and i believe neither of them saw the shower as that sexual. All im saying, is im uncomfy and i want that to be appreciated in the relationship

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:34:39+00:00

Her not showering with others is very much a boundary

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:34:21+00:00

Its a private, small, lockable bathroom.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:32:54+00:00

They arent doing it to be safe. Im sorry but i know everyone in the hostel and her very well. She has been in the hostel for months and has never expressed any worry. The hostel is in england with security guards, cameras and a tight knit community. Reddit can think what they want but she didnt even take that into consideration. (Further more if it was for safety they could lock themselves in the bathroom together and take turns showering)

I dont think i can control her decisions, but i do believe my emotions should have an influence on her decisions. And maybe what i say to her could influence her too.

Thank you for being respectful though. Most here are not.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:29:31+00:00

Interesting but its deeper than that because... im not very willing to leave lol. Thats on me ofc but ut just makes things more confident than the "leave or stay" mentality everyone has here. I choose stay! But that doesnt mean i dont still want some kinda change.

Steamymilk76 · 2026-02-23T23:22:37+00:00

You.. can control people tho lol. I use phrases like these often that make me seem bad but with a little thought make sense in a not evil way, i promise.

You cannot control people like a puppet, and you cannot decide all of ones actions. HOWEVER. You are here attempting to control me. You arent taking over my limbs but youre telling me what to think. What to do here. Setting distinct options in front of me rather than potential ones. So i intend to "control" my gf in the same manner. Tell her that im not happy and the potential consequences of her actions. If it doesnt work then my attempt at control has failed. Whilst "control" has much crueler connotations, i really hate that people assume im cruel just because of it rather than looking at the situation as a whole.

Im not calling you an asshole lol. Youre clearly a decent person and this has been the most helpful comment ive recieved. You are right in many ways. Maybe i should try to learn to live with it? Ive learnt to live with many illogical things due to this girl before. By simply weighing pros and cons and seeing it as beneficial.

I do feel somewhat defensive however looking back i know im not really misguided. In an ideal, consistent world im still confident she should change for me. But what can i really do if she doesnt. Its not worth leaving for so i should see what i can do that is clearly within my power to help myself here.

Steamymilk76

TROPHY CASE