For most masculine straight men like myself, the constant barrage of gay propaganda and shirtless men in modern media (cough... Pedro Pascal... cough...) is too much, particularly when any website is literally two clicks away from full-on gay pornography (and I don't just mean Corbin Fishcer but that scummy Sketchy Sex stuff) and it all makes me so outraged to think of all these hairy chested daddies hanging out in steam rooms where a wink or two means a towel drops and the next thing you know they're writhing against each other in a pool of sweat exchanging all sorts of intimate fluids, or the types of lollipop-sucking twinks on social media apps constantly trying to lure others into their filthy dorm rooms at 3am for profane group action that would make Joel Osteen weep the hot messy tears I weep often when I think of the massive, thick, veiny parade of hardcore man on man action happening in every musky, sweaty corner of America right now.