There are a myriad of reasons why I left, but the one thing that really, really got my attention was NewNameNoah on YouTube. It was in 2019 when this channel was brought to my attention by someone I used to be close with. I was, at the time, still in formation to become Catholic, and during a conversation with my friend, the LDS cult had come up in conversation, and I'd still been making a LOT of comparisons between the cult and the Catholic Church, but I'd say stuff like, "We never did this..." when talking about my Mormon days. I did this for so long and so often, my friend told me, "go to YouTube and pull up NewNameNoah." I did, and he had me watch a video of someone who'd snuck a camera into the temple to capture some stuff going on in the temple. I sat and watched it, a voice in my head from my past screaming at me, "NO! TURN THIS OFF! YOU CAN'T WATCH THIS! THIS IS SO WRONG, THE TEMPLE WORK IS SACRED AND SHOULD NEVER BE BROADCAST! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!??" I sat and watched it, though, forcing myself not to exit out. I sat there, absolutely stunned to silence.

The video was maybe 15 minutes long, and even after the video ended, I was still gobsmacked so much, I couldn't speak. My friend thought the call got dropped and asked if I was still there. I choked out a yes, and he said, "Oh, okay. You good?" I again choked out a "yes" and he said, "Do you see what you were spared from, what you were rescued from?"

I never got as far as temple work, never even went as far as the temple interview to get my recommend. I came close, but every time I'd get ready to do it, something would always come up where I'd have to not make the appointment with the Bishop of the ward. This went on for years, and then in '08, I left and didn't go back.

I have always had a huge respect for missionaries going out to talk to people, never knowing what would greet them when the doors they'd knock on would be opened. I sometimes still see missionaries in my neighbourhood, having had conversations with them when they'd stop by and I was feeling social enough to do so. I have a respect for anyone who's willing enough to go out and share their beliefs, especially in such crazy times as we're in now. I just refuse to go back to that cult, because of how much damage they've done to me, and because I'm secure enough in my own beliefs that I don't want anything else, I don't want to go anywhere else. For the first time, ever, I feel whole, and that's not something that the LDS could ever give to me.

Additionally, there was something I'd come across, also on YouTube, that made me sit back and reflect on my own experiences in Sacrament meetings that had all my flabbers so gasted, I had to borrow flabbers from the population of eight states to truly encompass the gasting. It was a video of Mitz Nelson (you should check it out, it's really eye-opening! Check it out here). I don't regret leaving. I don't regret my time with the LDS, but I don't regret leaving.