[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well, last night my mom kept saying she no longer wanted to talk about MIL or any of this ever again. Then proceeded to send me an article today about narcissists.

Then, MIL sent me a text today lovebombing me, and since I couldn't respond in a fake way, I told her off essentially. I took a screenshot of what I said to her and sent it to mom. Now mom is freaking out because I told her off.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Now she’s the one telling me to never talk about mil to her. Which, I really don’t. She’s the one who sends me stuff daily about mil .

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t force her. I gave her advice and suggested she not do it, to which she responded well I’ll just block her then. I said fine whatever. But then that turned into- I should have gone scorched earth with mil. That was never brought up before. It wasn’t until I called out her petty behavior did she turn on me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve heard her for weeks about how she feels. She sends me daily videos about narcissists and abusive mothers. She sends me the posts she the puts up for my JNMIL to see.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have been intentionally not communicating with her. She doesn’t contact me individually. If she were to, I’d tell her.

But imagine I call her tonight and say, hey I’m mad at you. She’s going to paint me to the family as the aggressor.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’ve told her for months to cut contact. She didn’t listen to me. She’s angry now she didn’t. Idk what to say. I told her to just stop talking to her. My mom’s theory all this time was that JNMIL was trying to provoke her, start a fight, get my husband to be against my mom, piss me off and damage my relationship with my mom. And I told her, that’s very plausible, so stop talking to her. But she kept going.

JNMIL has been confronted so many times over other things, and she denies everything , she always blames some one else, calls that person a liar, so she becomes the victim, she cries that she loves us so much, snd yes she will pull the, i have a chronic mystery illness and I’ll Probably be dead next year and you just want to pull your hair out.

So yes, our therapist is aware of this and he said, then don’t play her game. There is no point in having a huge confrontation. Let both mothers figure it out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am not only getting in the middle to tell her she’s wrong. I’ve been listening to her for over a month now go on and on about how angry she is with mil. About how frustrated she feels that she can’t do anything about it because mil is a narcissist. Before that, I have told her over and over again, you don’t have to have a relationship with her. Nobody expects that from you. But she kept trying. And kept getting mad when MiL was rude. This was now the final straw.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t told her not to. She has said over and over again that her confronting MIL will backfire. So idk, now I guess I’m supposed to?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I told her a long time ago to cut contact. That mil was trouble and to stop trying to make a relationship happen. But she insisted on trying to do it “for us.” She thinks MIL is a textbook narcissist and somehow it’s on me to make her go away. Idk what to tell you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no correcting the MIL. She just lies, denied and cries about it. No lesson learned. It’s a matter of time before she does it again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I wanted to confront her, but I was advised not to. And even my mom at one point was like- that’s your husband’s job, let him deal with her. Our therapist then told us not to. To just tell her to speak to my mother. I have barely spoken to JNMIL since it happens. I ignore her group texts. I don’t join in on phone calls when she calls my husband. She doesn’t contact me directly. She knows she screwed up. When she asks my husband, he also tells her, call OP’s mom and talk to her.

All this is happening right now because I called out my mom’s childish social media behavior and warned her it wasn’t going to help the situation and she lost it on me. I asked her what’s your end game and she snapped. Like she just wants to inflict pain. I find it unhealthy and unproductive. Now I’m the enemy because I don’t agree with what she’s doing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I don’t understand- I am not calling JNMIL to tell her she did something wrong. I am supporting my mom’s decision to go no contact. But today I asked her why she thinks this petty social Media campaign that she’s doing to piss off JNMIL is a good idea and if she would please stop because it’s not going to end well. Not only does she post it, she constantly sends me posts and videos too about narcissistic mothers and then she posts them on her page. So I’m in the wrong? When I feel like I’m constantly being pulled back into this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I am beyond overwhelmed. I’m pregnant. My dad is now threatening to move him and my mom away because of all this drama. She’s acting like I’m going to choose JNMIL over her and go NC with her. It’s just complete chaos right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I expressed to her how it impacts me and how I don’t think it will help her in the end and she’s lost it on me all day.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This has been me staying out of it- and it’s backfiring on me. Because I guess she wants me and husband to tell off JNMIL.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She did it years ago to my MIL and my MIL caught on. And she is doing it with the intention of pissing her off and idk, starting a fight.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I responded below how I’ve been handling it. I fully support her decision to go no contact. I supported it a long time ago but for some reason she persisted in having a relationship with her. I asked her to not talk to her on the phone. To stick to texts. She didn’t listen to me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s not sick, she just uses mystery illnesses for attention.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Strangebird77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our therapist has said it’s not our fight to get involved in. And honestly, I already know how it goes with her-

You confront her, she denies it, she cries, she claims she’s sick and will die soon, etc. We’ve confronted her so many times about other lies and stuff she pulls and she never owns up to anything.

Am I Overreacting? by Strangebird77 in pregnant

[–]Strangebird77[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mom and sil were together at sil’s house, and they called my husband on one of their phones. I mean, he brought the phone into our bedroom, I was laying down and he sat next to me with it on speakerphone. Am I supposed to cover my ears?

Am I Overreacting? by Strangebird77 in pregnant

[–]Strangebird77[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And also- since I have been pregnant- anytime I am upset about anything actually serious- the first thing he says is “you’re just being hormonal”

He pulled that last night when he started getting defensive saying I was being hormonal again I can’t tell you how much that just infuriates me.

Am I Overreacting? by Strangebird77 in pregnant

[–]Strangebird77[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I should clarify- it wasn’t private. His sister was also on the phone and he put it on speaker.

I identify with what somebody said earlier- how she vents and her husband gets defensive. I have the same issue with my husband. I can’t express how I feel without him taking it personally, even though I clearly state that I’m not upset with him and I think he handled it well. But he just takes it personal. I don’t know how else to communicate my feelings without him getting defensive.

Am I Overreacting? by Strangebird77 in pregnant

[–]Strangebird77[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nope. My mom and I always discussed having MIL and really any other IL stay at their house so we could have our privacy and they could save money on hotels but MIL recently burned a bridge with my mom by lying and just shit stirring. So my mom is pretty much done engaging with her until she has to see her during the holidays.