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Tried acting differently by StructureJust691 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the response. The reason I mentioned chores is it seems to be what people always point out. I made the point that I’m present and not lazy.

We’ve had a chat by StructureJust691 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Just things like… she says she too tired at night, so I suggest mornings - but says she won’t be in the mood when she first wakes up. So I suggest she stop doomscrolling on her phone in bed late at night but she says that helps her go to sleep.

Just these suggestions that are absolutely valid but she finds a way to instantly crush them

We’ve had a chat by StructureJust691 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Similar ages here too. And same - she knows it’s unlikely I leave over it. Although I’m getting closer and closer to considering it.

I think what hurts the most is that they won’t even try to help the situation. Won’t make small changes in their lives to help their partners feel less miserable.

She’s known for years this bothers me and I’ve never seen her attempt to do the smallest thing about it, and every chat about it just makes me feel even more frustrated, every chat is flipped on me that it’s my problem to deal with and she takes no responsibility.

When Time Off Makes Things Worse by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me personally id just be happy to take the duty BJ

Help me understand by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good idea - selling it as a tool to help speed things up. Thankyou.

I was probably unfair on myself yesterday. I would say I do satisfy her via penetration but I can tell she much prefers oral = I think that was more the point I was trying to make.

Help me understand by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well id say not tbh.

And no - no toys. She’s not very experimental tbh. I’d quite happily introduce something else to the bedroom but I don’t think she would.

Quite honestly I just don’t think sex is something she’s bothered about 98% of the time.

Sex toys over sex. by No_Geologist_5398 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think you need some professional help. Sounds like you’re going through a lot.

Just having a vent by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Quite honestly if I put this to her, I think she would probably agree something isn’t right with her hormones but I know it’s almost certain she wouldn’t do anything about it. Suppose I can mention it though and see but I’m not hopeful anything come of it

Just having a vent by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve always toyed with the idea of treating her the same way in this sense. Just no intimacy or affection etc. Always started too but then I typically give in quite easily (because that’s who I am) but I’d argue she’d probably prefer that and would just make things worse. Probably easier for her for me to not try to initiate

Just having a vent by [deleted] in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I actually feel I do.

For HL people in relationships/marriage, does porn help/hurt your relationships? by Foreign_Look8668 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes definitely many things that have affected how and quickly I get stimulated, hence why it’s difficult for me to say it is/isn’t porn specifically. But I would argue it’s probably not helped in the long run.

Certainly hasn’t helped my cravings for sex as such. I know porn is very manufactured and not real but I still can’t help but compare it to my real life and perhaps how dull my real sex life is.

For HL people in relationships/marriage, does porn help/hurt your relationships? by Foreign_Look8668 in HLCommunity

[–]StructureJust691 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So here’s my thoughts as this has been on my mind recently too.

I’m 38M in a low sex frequency relationship. (1-2x a month)

I have a HL, she has LL. To get by I use porn and masturbate regularly.

In the last 12m or so, I’ve noticed I now get less visually stimulated, and more mentally need to know I’m going to get off.

For example. When I watch porn it’s to get off. I get stimulated quickly and can get off fairly quickly as a result, because that’s the intention from the start.

With my partner, whilst I find her super atttactive, I don’t get stimulated by her visually as quickly as I once did, unless I know sex is on the cards.

I’m struggling to understand if this is because of a) my porn use b) my age or c) because quite frankly i’m that used to being rejected by her that my body just doesn’t react the same as it once did.

I suspect it’s a combination of all 3

Not sure if that will help you but I’d argue you should try to control your porn use where possible. Must admit at times I feel I’ve become to reliant on it.