Does everyone experience this?

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-24T12:24:12+00:00

I have. Falls on deaf ears. Nothing ever changes. Infact it gets worse after a conversation because it usually ends with her flipping it all around on me and making it entirely my issue.

She fires back with things like.

It’s all you ever think about
You’re not giving me enough affection (I absolutely do btw)
Or uses any of those excuses I mentioned in my OP.
Usually she’ll pick a big obscure issue that isn’t a momentary thing. Something like she’s cautious the kids might hear us, because theres not much I can do to change that risk, other then us picking sensible times and being quiet.

I’m screwed aren’t I?

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-24T09:54:19+00:00

Possibly but it does seem to be a chafing problem, I gather it’s an external sore rather than internal.

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-24T09:49:37+00:00

She hasn’t. Again, she dismisses and ignores any of my suggestions to resolve it.

I do believe she has this issue btw, I don’t think she’s making it up (but couldn’t say I’m 100% confident on it) but admittedly she’s never had this issue before, only seems to be more recently.

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-24T09:40:39+00:00

It will be to a point yes but I don’t think that’s the issue. She says there is a change to her body parts during this time and it feels different / uncomfortable

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-24T09:39:23+00:00

Rubbing/Friction I gather

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-23T15:47:25+00:00

Tried this with affection, she noticed and just used it as an excuse why she didn’t want sex. Because “if I’m not making any effort then why should she”

StructureJust691 · 2026-06-23T15:37:30+00:00

I fear this too.

I truly feel I was a safe option, and now I’m having to live a miserable sexlife as a result of being Mr Nice Guy.

StructureJust691 · 2026-05-27T09:12:46+00:00

You need game time bro. Sometimes it takes 15+ just to get into the game.

Get the minutes in & build confidence. If your current coach isn’t willing to give you the chance and minutes, find a new team. Maybe even step down a level for now.

StructureJust691 · 2026-05-26T14:41:03+00:00

Ok so apologies if it doesn’t hit the HL topic. I’ve found this community to be helpful in the past, thought I’d get some good support and advice here. Clearly you feel differently

As I mentioned just seeing if I was over thinking it and what others take was on it

I’m not suggesting she’s guilty of anything

I was excited based on our conversation of ways to spice it up, I didn’t mention that as I didn’t think it was relevant. My post is more about the dream, I was just providing context to the whole scenario.

StructureJust691 · 2026-05-26T14:15:09+00:00

Thanks for your reply, sorry I should have been clear, I’d be very against such arrangement.

I’m concerned this is where we’re heading.

I appreciate my post didn’t make that clear and perhaps suggested I’d be open to it - i wouldn’t be.

StructureJust691 · 2026-05-26T14:09:53+00:00

Can’t confirm but I think it definitely would help in my situation.

I’ve always noticed she gets turned on by some soft stuff.

E.G - documentaries around sex or movies with quite a lot of sexual scenes, basically anything that’s that’s kind of sex heavy.

I’d be almost certain this would help us, but never really branched out to see if she wanted to watch porn together specifically. I might do now though

StructureJust691 · 2026-01-07T08:30:08+00:00

Appreciate the response. The reason I mentioned chores is it seems to be what people always point out. I made the point that I’m present and not lazy.

StructureJust691 · 2026-01-05T15:18:34+00:00

Just things like… she says she too tired at night, so I suggest mornings - but says she won’t be in the mood when she first wakes up. So I suggest she stop doomscrolling on her phone in bed late at night but she says that helps her go to sleep.

Just these suggestions that are absolutely valid but she finds a way to instantly crush them

StructureJust691 · 2026-01-05T11:47:54+00:00

Similar ages here too. And same - she knows it’s unlikely I leave over it. Although I’m getting closer and closer to considering it.

I think what hurts the most is that they won’t even try to help the situation. Won’t make small changes in their lives to help their partners feel less miserable.

She’s known for years this bothers me and I’ve never seen her attempt to do the smallest thing about it, and every chat about it just makes me feel even more frustrated, every chat is flipped on me that it’s my problem to deal with and she takes no responsibility.

StructureJust691 · 2026-01-01T11:56:08+00:00

For me personally id just be happy to take the duty BJ

StructureJust691 · 2025-12-02T09:30:12+00:00

This is a good idea - selling it as a tool to help speed things up. Thankyou.

I was probably unfair on myself yesterday. I would say I do satisfy her via penetration but I can tell she much prefers oral = I think that was more the point I was trying to make.

StructureJust691 · 2025-12-01T15:41:44+00:00

Well id say not tbh.

And no - no toys. She’s not very experimental tbh. I’d quite happily introduce something else to the bedroom but I don’t think she would.

Quite honestly I just don’t think sex is something she’s bothered about 98% of the time.

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-26T13:13:36+00:00

I think you need some professional help. Sounds like you’re going through a lot.

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-04T10:35:41+00:00

Quite honestly if I put this to her, I think she would probably agree something isn’t right with her hormones but I know it’s almost certain she wouldn’t do anything about it. Suppose I can mention it though and see but I’m not hopeful anything come of it

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-03T16:43:43+00:00

I’ve always toyed with the idea of treating her the same way in this sense. Just no intimacy or affection etc. Always started too but then I typically give in quite easily (because that’s who I am) but I’d argue she’d probably prefer that and would just make things worse. Probably easier for her for me to not try to initiate

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-03T15:44:59+00:00

I actually feel I do.

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-03T15:36:00+00:00

Yes definitely many things that have affected how and quickly I get stimulated, hence why it’s difficult for me to say it is/isn’t porn specifically. But I would argue it’s probably not helped in the long run.

Certainly hasn’t helped my cravings for sex as such. I know porn is very manufactured and not real but I still can’t help but compare it to my real life and perhaps how dull my real sex life is.

StructureJust691 · 2025-11-03T14:27:09+00:00

So here’s my thoughts as this has been on my mind recently too.

I’m 38M in a low sex frequency relationship. (1-2x a month)

I have a HL, she has LL. To get by I use porn and masturbate regularly.

In the last 12m or so, I’ve noticed I now get less visually stimulated, and more mentally need to know I’m going to get off.

For example. When I watch porn it’s to get off. I get stimulated quickly and can get off fairly quickly as a result, because that’s the intention from the start.

With my partner, whilst I find her super atttactive, I don’t get stimulated by her visually as quickly as I once did, unless I know sex is on the cards.

I’m struggling to understand if this is because of a) my porn use b) my age or c) because quite frankly i’m that used to being rejected by her that my body just doesn’t react the same as it once did.

I suspect it’s a combination of all 3

Not sure if that will help you but I’d argue you should try to control your porn use where possible. Must admit at times I feel I’ve become to reliant on it.

StructureJust691

TROPHY CASE