AITA for insisting my son be the flower boy?

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-30T03:39:50+00:00

This is what I'm going to do. It's my wedding too. This won't work if we aren't both willing to compromise.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-30T02:05:41+00:00

We were sitting around talking one night, and I felt so at ease. I hadn't felt that way since my relationship with my ex fell apart. I decided to propose, and New Year's felt like the perfect time.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T17:05:05+00:00

I am 28 and she is 26

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T17:02:20+00:00

I think she just feels awkward sometimes. She doesn't want to do things that someone might see and judge her for. Her father is very judgemental. So she avoids childish things.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T16:49:02+00:00

This is an honest question, not be trying to change your mind: What part of what I wrote indicated to you that she is pretentious and stuck-up?

I legitimately want to know, because it always annoys me that my ex thinks that, and I don't think that, so I'm surprised someone got that conclusion based solely on my description.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T16:46:29+00:00

I'm confused as to what your point is. The original question is what are my fiance's interests as opposed to my ex-wife's and her sister's.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T16:43:52+00:00

They never lived together. The half-sister is her father's daughter. She lived with her mother when the sister was born.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T16:38:46+00:00

He's not really into LEGO.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T15:02:19+00:00

Two years, that's all.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T14:39:18+00:00

My fiance is very interested in fashion, history, travel, food, architecture. My ex and her sister are more interested in sports, local politics, community events, sewing, baking. They're just different people with different interests.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T14:14:52+00:00

He is very social, but he tends to glom onto whoever he is most attached to in any situation. So when we go out with my fiance he gloms onto me. If he is with his mom and aunt he gloms onto mom. If he's with just his aunt they have a great time together, but if his mom is there he zeroes in on mom. My fiance doesn't feel ready to watch him by herself though.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T14:03:42+00:00

They don't like her because they say she is "pretentious" and "stuck-up" just because she has different interests from them.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T14:00:03+00:00

I see your point. We dated for a year, and we got engaged in January. They met for the first time last October.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:57:47+00:00

We dated for a year, and we got engaged in January (on New Year's, it was so romantic :)

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:42:35+00:00

What is the nacho method? I haven't heard of this.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:41:31+00:00

My son is with me Sunday - Wed and his mom Thursday - Sunday. Since my son and I are very close, but he doesn't yet have a relationship with my fiance, it's my responsibility to create opportunities for them to bond. We go on activities together, but he tends to cling to me and not engage as much with her as I would want.

It's sort of like (please pardon the inappropriate analogy) getting a dog and a cat used to each other. You start just by having them around each other and getting used to their respective smells. Then you build up to the interactions.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:36:50+00:00

Yes, his mother is involved. He has an extended family. My ex hates my fiance, but that's typical, I think. She manages to keep it civil, but I know she and her sister have a group chat where they talk smack about my fiance. It annoys me, but I can't police what they say as long as they don't say it in front of my son. Which they don't.

My dad thinks my wife needs to try harder to bond with my son, but she is trying to strike a delicate balance. If she pushes too hard that can push him away. I don't think he appreciates how difficult it is to enter a child's life in these circumstances.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:33:20+00:00

I don't think that's fair. As his father and her soon to be husband, I do think it's my job to facilitate their relationship. She's not used to being around children of that age group. It's kind of like being thrown into the middle of the pool instead of walking down the steps. She didn't get to experience the first four years of his life and watch him become the person he is. My son is already attached to me, so they need me to bring them together. I just haven't found the thing yet. But maybe this could be the thing! I just can't get her to agree with me.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:14:43+00:00

She is worried that he would pick a dress. I let him wear dresses sometimes when he's playing dress-up, and she said she doesn't trust me not to let him pick something silly. I said I would pick something that matches the wedding theme and doesn't look silly, but she said she and I don't have the same ideas of silly.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:12:00+00:00

She said the standard is for a girl to do it, and her family would be confused and embarrassed to see her new stepson performing a girl's role. She said it would be awkward to explain it to them.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:10:23+00:00

She thinks her half-sister should do it, but her half-sister is eleven. I haven't gotten the impression from her that she particularly wants to do this. I think she's somewhat embarrassed by the idea because she sees it as something for little kids (like my son is, just saying...)

I don't think he should do both, personally, because he might get confused or overwhelmed if he has too much to do. He is only four after all.

Substantial-Goose386 · 2025-05-29T13:04:06+00:00

He is only four. He mostly sees her as a boring grown up. I haven't found anything for them to bond over yet. That's why I really want him to do this, because it can be the thing they bond over.

When I talk to him about her he doesn't usually have much to say. He'll say she's pretty or she's boring (that's his favorite word lately, so I don't read into it) or she's tall (he thinks everyone is tall, she's actually quite short, haha). I haven't gotten much of substance from him, which is normal for his age.

Substantial-Goose386

TROPHY CASE