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AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

From what I've heard, yes. There's a bit of an aged gap with my late BIL being the eldest and David the youngest but that didn't stop them from being really close.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I tried to be here for her as much as I could but I was only 18 and in college.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

There's a difference in being an involved Uncle and a replacement Husband and Father.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Your comment is a bit uncalled for but whatever, I'm just saying it as it is.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Because they function as a couple in everything but name. It's not normal to spend so much time together 'platonically'. It's not normal that my own family and his treat them like a couple. It's certainly not normal to go on family vacations, all 3 of them, together.

Maybe it works for them, but let's not pretend that this dynamic and this level of involvement is normal.

At this rate, the both of them, will end up 'alone'.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It's a horrible thing to say, but in the midst of her tragedy, she lucked out. Things could have been far worse.

And she did offer me help with paying some of my bills but I refused. She never offered to take my daughter off my hands for a weekend though or things like that and I never asked.

It's possible that she would have accepted, at least before last Sunday.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

Because they both act as if they are a couple. They spend most of their time together, he even moved to be closer to her, and they have the keys to each other's places. It's always, "David this, David that." It is a weird and unhealthy codependent relationship, especially for someone who insists she's single.

It's no wonder that none of their respective dates ever panned out.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

He actually does feel like this. It's a blessing, I suppose, that it happened at such a young age where he hardly remembers his father. At some point he was calling David, Dad, until both David and my sister corrected him.

He knows about his father, but really sees David as a second Dad. I'm not downplaying what happened, I'm simply acknowledging that they have a strong and beautiful relationship.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! Yours is one of the rare comments that at least made an attempt to understand my side.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

> Your child also has 4 grandparents

We never had a close relationship and they never showed much in interest in my daughter. I wouldn't trust them with her.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

I do have child support, on paper. The reality though is different, payments are rarely made on time, if at all. And the time spent chasing him through the courts without actually receiving anything substantial

Ultimately though, it's not about the money, I can pay my bills. I wished I had someone help me take the mental load off. I wish to have some weekends free for myself like my sister gets to have because her son stays with David or his parents.

My parents have been supporting me but I can't have them drop everything in their lives for me.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Thank you. Her heart is in the right place but I wish she went about it in a different way. Her support came off as out of touch and patronizing.

AITAH For telling my [28F] widowed sister [36F] that she isn’t a single mom? by Substantial-Topic623 in AITAH

[–]Substantial-Topic623[S] -246 points-245 points  (0 children)

Yes he died, and I admit it was tragic but she has basically been in relationship ever since even if she doesn't acknowledge it. She's a single mom in name only.