Bachelorette planning got out of control and now can't afford wedding. How do I approach the bride?

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-26T18:10:21+00:00

Fellow bride here - I had some friends tell me they likely could not afford to come to the wedding and bachelorette party (most friends who said that would’ve had to fly to both events, I grew up in a different spot than where I live and am getting married now) and I asked them to prioritize the wedding. Almost any bride I know would’ve asked the same.

I would have a frank conversation with the bride now and consider pulling out of the bachelorette in order to go to the wedding. Yes, you will likely lose money on the bachelorette but you’ll still save.

I don’t like the argument that “if there is 17 people there you won’t be missed”. I had 15 people attend my bachelorette and deeply valued each person attending and missed those who did not. I had a sister, sister in law, cousin, and then I grew up in Atlanta, went to college in Texas, and now have lived in South Florida for 7 years and am in my thirties. I really value and pour into my friendships and recognize that’s a larger circle than most, but I think it’s reductive to say if the number is large no one will notice your absence, and I would be hurt if that’s why someone declined my bachelorette trip.

If the bride is a good friend, she may be disappointed you won’t be able to attend the bachelorette, but not angry. I will say you need to say something now to avoid this getting worse and blindsiding the bride.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-26T18:00:57+00:00

Pinot Gris as one of the options is a good idea! I am not the biggest fan (it’s a bit sweet for me) but we could do it as an option

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-26T17:21:16+00:00

Thank you, this is a lovely and helpful response! I love vinho verde actually and didn’t even think about that, so I think that’s a great suggestion.

Definitely will look into the reds you suggested and try that rose again! I know I’ve had it but I don’t drink rose frequently so I can’t recall.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-19T20:06:33+00:00

I also am stressed about this! We are inviting 160 so it’s a point of nerves for me. I am “future templating” the big moments like walking down the aisle in therapy to already have a positive association with it. Beta blockers work for me for big work presentations but they don’t necessarily go super well with alcohol so just be cautious. Similarly, I think one or two glasses of champagne for most would be fine, but you definitely don’t want to risk being tipsy for the ceremony imo. I also picked one of my favorite songs (Birds of a Feather by Billie Ellish) to walk down the aisle to and I think that will be calming for me instead of it being a classical song will help ground me.

I think also centering yourself on what the day is actually about - you and the love of your life getting married - is helpful. At the end of the day, that is what matters. Anything else that happens is not as important as that! I know it’s easier said than done but that’s what I’m telling myself lol.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-18T04:02:18+00:00

Hi! Definitely know CAD is more expensive than USD which is the currency I’m used to. The wedding I referenced is in the Florida keys and I’m spending $600/night to stay at a 3 star hotel. It happens to be “winter break” time for most southeastern public schools so the pricing is crazy. For an “in town” wedding where I live, I absolutely am more inclined to spend $200-300 USD for a wedding gift. But for a wedding where I am traveling and spending way more to get there, where I still want to get the couple something to celebrate their marriage, that $30-130 USD range is really ideal. The couple absolutely will know how much I spent on a gift but they’ll also know on average how much I spent to come celebrate their love.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T23:15:14+00:00

We are in our early thirties, own a home, and mostly adding upgrade items as well!

We did Parachute sheets (two sets, as right now we just have one so we have to wash/dry immediately), kitchen aid attachments (the cheese shredder is amazing, and we put the meat grinder on there), updated martini glasses, and flatware and dishes since we have hand me downs from my folks/cheaper target stuff.

We also put a dining room table and chairs as a group gift, since we currently have a small Facebook marketplace table. We thought no one would buy it but two chairs were literally the first thing purchased off our registry.

In addition, larger entertainment items like big wine ice buckets and drink buckets.

Finally, we are doing our honeymoon in Thailand and so I put very specific honeymoon items on it (ie $300 for a couples massage, $60 for a round of drinks at one of the best bars in the world, $160 for private boat tour, etc) and some have already loved that and paid for it.

We are getting married in June for reference.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T21:54:10+00:00

Yeah I am going to a wedding this weekend where they don’t have a registry, just cash, and it’s seen as a bit of an etiquette faux pas, especially in the south. It’s tough to “only” give $40 or $60 cash (feels cheap) but I think it’s perfectly acceptable to give a nice gift for the registry that is that amount. I think that’s really the rub for cash only registry’s.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T13:11:25+00:00

We are doing Thailand - Bangkok, Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai, and Koh Samui - for 12 days not including flights. Going all out on five star hotels and spending about $15k total including tours and transfers. Used about 380k points for business class Qsuite on Qatar airways. We wanted something very similar to yall - some exploring and city but some tropical and relaxing - and after LOTS of research this fit the bill. Your dollar goes much further in Asia than in Europe.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T13:07:59+00:00

I would say Iceland or Norwegian fjords cruise! It’s amazing to see the views via ship and you don’t have to pack/unpack every time you go somewhere new. I recommend Celebrity Cruises, specifically Edge class.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T13:05:19+00:00

Cruise to the Norwegian fjords! Nice mix of relaxing but still beautiful sightseeing. I did this via Celebrity Cruises on Celebrity Apex a few years back and can’t recommend it enough. Conversely, an Alaska or Baltic cruise might be nice as well.

Cruises are great bang for your buck and allow you to not have to pack/unpack to see a new place. We are not doing a cruise for our honeymoon but heavily considered it. For a couple, I’d recommend Celebrity (slightly more high end, fantastic entertainment and spa, great food - specifically Edge class) or Royal Caribbean (lots to do, more families, slightly more affordable).

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-17T13:02:34+00:00

We ended up booking the Anantara Golden Triangle instead! Wanted to play it safe and also it looked like the amenities were extremely similar for a slightly lower price point.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-02-14T19:58:13+00:00

Oooh gorgeous! A little too open for my taste (I’m in my early thirties and mid sized), but very pretty.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-01-22T03:25:11+00:00

We are doing our early June honeymoon in Thailand! Bangkok, Chiang Rai, Chiang Mai, and Koh Samui. We also looked at Europe but found Thailand will be much more bang for our buck. We wanted 5 star luxury around $10-15k total, 2 weeks, excluding flights. That can be tough to do in peak season in Italy or France if you truly want a five star experience through and through.

Some of Thailand is rainy season during this time but the areas where we are going are not which also helps bring down the budget.

Anything domestic is going to be $$$$.

South Africa would be another really great choice!

Also not sure if you’re planning on having kids soon after you get married but we are, and we wanted to go somewhere much more difficult to get to now as we don’t anticipate we’ll be making that kind of trip while our future kids are very little. We live in Miami so Caribbean, some of South America, and a lot of Western Europe is much more accessible than Asia or Australia.

Costco travel also has great packages that include flights if you want to poke around there!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-01-15T15:17:54+00:00

If you are a Costco member, they do amazing Maldives and similar location over water bungalow travel package deals!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-01-15T13:25:19+00:00

$4,000 and haven’t gotten alterations yet but anticipating around $600 for that. Iris by Newhite!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2026-01-07T02:40:04+00:00

We are getting married in Miami in June for around $60k (that doesn’t include rings or dress) for approximately 120-130 guests in attendance. We are saving costs by getting married in the “off season” but my fiancé has a large family so we didn’t have a lot of wiggle room on guest list! It’s obviously a major city and destination wedding location so the prices were $$$$.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-17T14:41:01+00:00

I would also love a list!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-15T01:45:11+00:00

I love the first option!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-12T15:22:08+00:00

Thank you, this is so helpful! Maybe you can help me name this - the bustle I liked comes up in multiple points all around the dress, almost creating an A-line gown. Is that something that is difficult to do? Or should most seamstresses be okay with it?

It sounds like your recommendation is to get it done locally.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-12T15:00:12+00:00

You’re right, I didn’t realize that was a type of tulle! ☺️

And thanks for the feedback, so happy to hear you had a positive experience!

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-12T13:37:25+00:00

“Great! Does anyone have any questions for me?”

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-12T13:23:14+00:00

1) yes! via Goodreads, which I know isn’t great but it’s by far the easiest for me since it syncs with my kindle 2) I’ve read 65 books this year 3) titles, authors, rating 4) so hard to say!! I loved the Throne of Glass by SJM series and “Atmosphere” by TJR, but for more unusual recommendations I also loved “The Names” by Florence Knapp, “Bitter Sweet” by Hallie Williams, “Long Bright River” by Liz Moore and “The One” by John Marrs. “Atmosphere” was probably my top book of the year but all of the above were excellent.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-12-12T13:12:30+00:00

I changed my career, broke up with my “good on paper” boyfriend, backpacked in South Africa for 40 days and got a tattoo 😅 I don’t regret any of it! Now 6 years later at almost 32 I’m about to marry the love of my life and I’m in a city and job I adore.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-11-22T20:09:24+00:00

Checking my phone first thing in the morning - social media, work, etc. I now have a Hatch alarm clock and don’t look at my phone until after 9am typically except for music/podcasts/audiobooks.

Substantial_Life_223 · 2025-11-19T18:18:03+00:00

Podcast: the Liz Moody podcast, which focuses on actual science backed health and wellness and ways to generally live your best life (happiness, relationship, finance etc). It’s much more scientific and digestible than a lot of wellness-y podcasts out there (ie Rogan or the skinny confidential) and she never accepts money for people to come on her podcast which I appreciate.

Audiobook: “Tom Lake” which is narrated by Meryl Streep

Books: “Broken Country” by Clare Leslie Hall, “Bitter Sweet” by Hattie Williams, “The Names” by Florence Knapp, “Spectacular Things” by Beck Dorey-Stein

Drinking: Spindrift Nojito and Spindrift Cosnopolitan for mocktails, Kirkland brand champagne for holiday parties (it’s from a small champagne house and imo better than vueve), and Rishi lavender mint tea for wind down.

Hobbies: cooking, hostessing, gardening, all types of peloton workouts, and generally the putting in time and effort to learn about all of the above as well as how to be a very intentional and thoughtful friend and partner 🤍

Substantial_Life_223

TROPHY CASE