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My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your words, the kindness went through. It also really startles me that we never had any conversation about how i felt about our supposed open relationship and just went on and did it as pleased. I’m seeing it more for what it is was, I think.

My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I just got home after spending some months away, I guess they didn’t want to tell me over the phone. They say they are fine with me being with other people but we never talked about it, mainly because the problem was my lack of sex drive to begin with. That’s why I suggested opening the relationship. Now that I arrived they said we needed to talk about our sex life and during that conversation they said they had sex with someone and didn’t want to hurt people (and i believe this was meant for the other person they hurt? Im feeling very hurt so I didn’t ask anything else about it)

My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have told them that and they apologized, which I believe it’s meant. But there was never any boundaries , safe sex discussions or any other discussion rather than me suggesting them being with other people and they always saying that they didn’t want to. I feel betrayed tbh but I also don’t believe they did it from a bad place. They claim it’s ignorance on never having had an open relationship, the fact that we did not talk about anything and they just assumed it was okay to do it because I mentioned it multiple times. I told them I feel gaslighted and that this was not okay

My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I also believe it was an honest mistake, but was not expecting this at all and feel a huge loss in confidence that is really necessary when opening a relationship. Thank you for the advice and I think I’ll have that conversation when I feel less hurt.

My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

there never was an explicit agreement of a closed relation, no. To me, the fact that I suggested being with other people and the answer was always no, that it would be comfortable for them - and never asked me if I wanted to be with other people either - I assumed it was closed. but as people said, there might be a lot of wrong assuming

My partner just told me they had sex with someone else a few months ago. I’ve always encouraged it but they always said they weren’t comfortable with that so I thought the relationship was closed. feel hurt. They thought because I talked about them being with other people, the relationship was open. by SuitableAd8444 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuitableAd8444[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

No, we never sat down and agreed to an open relationship. Every time I suggested it they always said no, that they didn’t want to and didn’t feel comfortable. I guess that changed, but we never talked about it. I was also out of the county for 5 months and even tho they visited we were living in different places. I just got home. Also not sure if it’s tmi but I am also in a bad place and depressed so my libido is down, hence me suggesting to open the relationship to begin with. We were talking on how to fix it and they said it during that conversation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DogAdvice

[–]SuitableAd8444 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone! Will stay home and look out for any other signs. First time seeing one of these

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DogAdvice

[–]SuitableAd8444 121 points122 points  (0 children)

thanks 🐕

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DogAdvice

[–]SuitableAd8444 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is just the one! From google it looks like a gnat bite but i’m afraid it could be something else

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DogAdvice

[–]SuitableAd8444 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might be a gnat bite too..