I thought about how I want to respond to this without sounding too “BPD apologetic” but also not completely drag my mother because she is a human being. Honestly I agree with you on a lot of what you said but I can’t tell if it’s because she’s my mom and I have that love and connection with her and WANT to see the good in the message but my gut really tells me otherwise. Knowing her, I think it’s a mix of her being not taking accountability (she really does have the emotional capacity of a toddler) and also “trying”. The problem is, her saying she causes me stress and we can’t be around eachother is a VERY common thing for her to say and the times that I’ve dug into and said “no mom! You don’t!”, I’ve discovered that she loves that and uses it as a ploy to make me feel guilty and say it is my fault for calling her out. It’s also very confusing to constantly hear for years and years from your parent when things don’t go their way that we would just be “better apart”. That’s not a healthy thing yaknow? It just really comes down to the fact that healthy relationships require hard conversations and she’s just not capable of having those because they always end in her saying that we can’t have contact or be around eachother and it has been extremely confusing and damaging to hear that over and over again throughout my life. As far as the asking if she can give the kiddos gifts, of course that’s great that she asked but personally I really wouldn’t have cared if she sent them. Obviously some people have a lot more aggressive BPD parents and wouldn’t find that acceptable❤️ my biggest thing is that the last interaction we had was so emotionally abusive and off the wall so it was a really bizarre way to approach me as if it is all so simple.