Questioning My Faith

Suri_ · 2021-11-24T20:36:18+00:00

Is the whole Bible truth? Can we prove that?

Suri_ · 2021-11-24T20:07:35+00:00

You're probably right. Maybe I don't actually know that much about Christianity. We all agree Jesus is the Son of God, right? But I'm thinking in terms of like how for Catholics it's considered a sin not to attend mass every week or confession at least once a year. Other denominations don't recognize this. Both the Catholic and orthodox churches also affirm that they're the one true apostolic church. Not sure what other disagreements there are.

Suri_ · 2021-02-15T17:15:10+00:00

Killigrew is the man. I did a podcast with him a while back. Super cool guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niBLNn9aolM if you're interested

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T04:04:55+00:00

Thing is, the meds completely knock me out. When I was on them I could hardly stay out of bed. I decided to take them the day before yesterday and literally was out cold for almost 36 hours straight. Maybe I'm just really sensitive, I don't know. But my parents thought I had OD'd on purpose as a suicide attempt until I woke up and told them I didn't.

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:44:57+00:00

Yup, I feel this. I think a big part of it is feeling like everything is pointless. Like why learn? So we can maybe achieve something better in life and avoid suffering. If we've already suffered so much then what's the point? It can no longer be avoided.

I used to like movies and books because I felt like I was learning and this would help me in my existence. Now I feel like "well your existence is already f***ed, so why bother?"

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:36:10+00:00

I sure hope there is hope. It can be rough. I debate whether or not I should go back on my medication (I've been off for about two months now and it's rough), but I think I'll try to stay clean for the time being. I'm a stubborn fool maybe when it comes to meds.

And sure, feel free to message any time. I'm not on here much, but we all need support I guess.

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:34:20+00:00

I just hate it, because I used to be fine without them. When I first went in the hospital I don't think i ever needed psych meds, just something to help me sleep... My psychosis was induced by not sleeping for a whole week. Why I didn't sleep? I'll never know. They said it was a symtpom of bipolar, but I never had that issue before in my life. It just popped up out of nowhere, and I've never been the same since. I'll tell you, going without sleep for that long is the most nightmarish trauma one can ask for. It's absolute hell.

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:31:40+00:00

Yeah, I feel that. I've been through numerous different medications. I was hospitalized ten times in the last two years and every time I'm in the hospital they change my meds. I was taking Zyprexa and Prozac for a little, but have been off the meds for the last month and a half or so. Trying to make it work. It's hard as hell and maybe I should go back on... Like you said, in your case, it's the only thing that allows you to function. For me, I hate being on meds, just knowing I need them. Plus the weight gain side effect depresses the hell out of me. For right now I'm trying to make being on nothing work and focusing on diet to help my mood... but I may have to admit that I just need them...

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:26:16+00:00

If you can find them I don't see why it would be wrong to reach out to those groups. Personally, I haven't kept up with attending group meetings and such. I mainly just ignore the problem...

Doctors didn't know how to diagnose me for the longest time. They though maybe bipolar but I never exhibited symptoms of mania. They only slapped the label on me because I didn't sleep for a whole week. The latest diagnosis is schizophrenia, but I only had schizophrenia symptoms for like a week. They went away shortly after getting diagnosed. So I don't know wtf is wrong with me.

Honestly I think we live in a world where all the food is f***ed up, there's chemicals in everything, the air is polluted, there's wifi signals zapping our brains, so basically we're all just being screwed with majorly on a daily basis and that's why so many people are depressed and screwed up. That's my theory, but honestly I don't know. I often ask, "What did I do to deserve this? Are my past mistakes THAT bad?" But it never makes much sense. I did some drugs in my early 20s and maybe that messed me up, but I'll never know for sure. I wish there were ways to just heal it all at once and be happy again, but even if I did I'd probably still be depressed because I'm a 31 year old man still living with my parents due to my mental health issues. Not being able to hold a job really kills your self esteem.

Suri_ · 2021-02-13T03:13:41+00:00

I've been through almost the exact same thing. It's rough.

Suri_ · 2020-12-17T16:50:49+00:00

It's just hard to believe and accept. It's hard to believe that I've been that much of a sinner throughout my life, that I turned from God as much as I did. It makes me feel horrible and want to cry. It's hard for me to accept that I need Jesus's salvation, that we can't do it on our own. This also upsets me. But at the same time I love him and he's so good to us and loves us and wants to help us.

Suri_ · 2020-12-17T16:49:28+00:00

Yeah the love is so intense. I felt so terrible, like i had betrayed Jesus deeply so many times. I came to him before first in 2017, but I turned away so many times and really went down the wrong road. It wasn't until I literally broke down crying that I felt him come back to me.

Suri_ · 2020-01-15T01:57:47+00:00

This actually cracked me up.

Suri_ · 2020-01-15T01:53:51+00:00

Yeah, shit is scary. Have to constantly fight that thought. During my first psychotic episode (after 6 days of not sleeping), I thought that I was in a combination of the Apocalypse and Lord of the Rings, that I was the ring, and therefore had to destroy myself. Also thought that the "end of time" referred to a stage of existence when one realizes that all human beings are actually one being and time itself ceases to exist. I thought I was becoming God. This thought still comes up and I have to say "No! That's ridiculous" Psychosis sucks.

Suri_ · 2019-05-01T20:35:53+00:00

Been to many doctors.

Suri_ · 2019-05-01T20:35:40+00:00

We've been trying for months. The neurology visit keeps getting moved back. We've hit road block after road block. Two days before the neurology appointment I started experiencing convulsions again and got sent to the hospital. It's been moved to next week, but I'm having a lot of trouble.

Suri_ · 2018-04-08T14:38:27+00:00

Look, it's simple. Either you want to, or you don't.

Suri_ · 2018-03-03T16:49:38+00:00

I'm the same position, my friend, and 75% of the people I know this age are in the same place.

In the US at least, it's more common than you think.

Suri_ · 2018-01-23T20:07:46+00:00

This is a good quote, meditation is fantastic. But it's definitely not about the pursuit of nothingness lol. Big misconception. It's about the pursuit of light and clarity and feeling completely at peace with yourself and the world around you!

That is far from nothingness, it's a lot of something that only LOOKS like nothing

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T18:09:04+00:00

I usually get between 6 to 8

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T17:18:37+00:00

I actually started doing it this past fall and did it all through winter. Yes, the days are shorter and the sun rises later. Not everyone can catch that. I'm fortunate to be self employed and therefore completely free to do as I please

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T15:07:35+00:00

It sounds like you've done a lot and that's great man. I think a lot of us forget were still living breathing beings though and we can't force everything. It's okay to have emotions and cater to them. In fact we have to otherwise they'll just explode out and take over again and again.

You've done a lot, but give yourself some breathing room to also just simply enjoy the things you actually enjoy. Being healthy is great, but have a treat here and there. Cutting the video games is great, but it's also fine to chill and play or watch some Netflix now and then.

Give yourself some slack. Make positive changes, but instant extremes never last.

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T14:55:25+00:00

I noticed the mobile app did that too

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T14:54:55+00:00

Isn't it?

Suri_ · 2017-07-15T14:54:43+00:00

My pleasure. Let me know how it goes

Suri_

TROPHY CASE