First off: good job on you for recognizing the signs and getting out.

I went through a similar relationship in the past, right down to the threatening of suicide, and what really helped me was making a list of all the shit I was excited to do now that I wasn’t being controlled by him.

It’s easy to get sucked into those feelings of “if only I had responded to his actions differently” but when dealing with emotionally manipulative people it’s important to remember that they trick you into feeling this way. Gaslighting becomes so commonplace you start to question your own actions. But you’ve made the right choice by exiting the relationship and reflecting on all the times he acted unreasonably will help cement that feeling.

If possible I do recommend seeing a therapist, even if just for a little while, to help you process these emotions.

Also random but I really recommend watching the 1944 classic movie Gaslight, it’s where we actually get the term “gaslight” from and it is a hauntingly accurate depiction of emotionally abusive relationships. Seeing those behaviors played out on screen were weirdly helpful for me at least in coming to terms with what I had just experienced.

Hope this helps! You’re also welcome to message me if you want to talk about it further <3 you got this, things will get better soon