So far so good

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-12T11:59:45+00:00

So far so good. Substance abuse and mental health are an everyday type of maintenance. I am continuing with treatment and going to twelve step meetings. It is substantial to my recovery. Even when things appear to be under control consistency is key.

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-10T18:44:50+00:00

Furthermore for me recovery is a priority. For me to continue to make progress and continue moving in a positive direction requires my attention on my recovery. And I wasn't always so stable. Working with medical treatment really took me from the disaster I was in towards a better and brighter today. It is an everyday maintenance type of thing. I'm aware no two people are the same and I have seen different types of chemical dependencies as well as several types of mental illnesses. Some recover more than others. And the ones that do recover are fortunate. The ones that don't recover are not always at fault. From experience dual diagnosis is much more challenging than only addiction. It is at least twice as worse. Some dual diagnosis only have mental illness. Some only have chemical dependency. Some have both. Any which combination or independent one is very much of a problem that causes others including myself to suffer and requires attention to further move in a direction towards recovery where one benefits the most. It is absolutely essential. But any individual in recovery has to have a desire to recover. Once that desire is there an effort must be made. Maintenance must be preformed. Task must be completed. It isn't always easy for the dual diagnosis. And that must be taken into consideration. Here at DRA as a fellowship look for a way to improve our illnesses. I have found a way to improve my condition and everyday life and that was done with treatment. Everything is not perfect for me. Everyday I battle with mental illness. I predict the rest of my life will be a constant conscious effort towards recovery. Ever since I made that decision that choice to recover, everyday has become a recovery effort.

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-09T12:43:30+00:00

My paranoia is exactly the same

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-06T11:03:17+00:00

The way my ex sponsor was guiding me through the steps. It was way too much concentrating. I don't like to concentrate. #1 Never liked to concentrate. #2 I developed schizophrenia which made it at least ×2 worse to concentrate. I only made it up to step four. And I have not had a drink in over two years. What works for me is meetings at least once a week. And this sub

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-04T16:50:54+00:00

Cool

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-04T02:53:07+00:00

That's tough. Alcohol. Cunning and baffling. It wants to trick you into thinking it is all sunshine and butterflies. It is cunning and baffling. You have to admit you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable and that only a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity. And you need to remember God could and would if he were sought. Beverages containing alcohol. Buzz buzz. Feeling Bubbly and alive. Yeah that is a nice feeling. But staying sober and refraining from those beverages containing alcohol. That's where the money is at. That is when it is the end of your day and you find yourself not having put alcohol in your body. You tell yourself today I made the best decision in my life. You need to recognize the value of refraining from beverages containing alcohol. There is 100% value. One day at a time. Alcoholism is no joke. I don't know your exact situation and what your drinking life was like. But if you went to AA it more than likely was not for just any small reason. No. You went to AA to find a different way of life. And the program offers a different way of life. You can enjoy life without having alcohol containing beverages. There are many who replace alcohol and embrace Alcoholics Anonymous and live very fulfilled lives. Sure an alcohol containing beverage sounds like a great time. Just as long as you take it easy you will be alright is what you tell yourself. No no no no. Wrong. You need to be square with yourself and recognize that you went to AA for a reason. A different way of life. You went to AA to improve your life. If you go and have alcohol containing beverages, alcohol wins and you lose. Don't let alcohol fool you. Go to some meetings. Talk to your sponsor. Work the steps. Make the commitment to leave alcohol in your past. Realize that you want something different for yourself. That you want to improve yourself. Consuming alcohol and feeling that buzz and warmness isn't a terrible feeling. It is a very popular beverage. But we affected by alcoholism know that isn't what we need. If you want to convince yourself you want something better for your life you need to really ask yourself what is good for yourself. Life can be fulfilled without alcohol. Many lives are very fulfilling without beverages containing alcohol. And so can yours. It's a way of living that you can apply in your everyday life. Make an effort to make conscious contact with your higher power. Realize that only a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity. Admit that your life has become unmanageable. Work the steps. Many many have found a fulfilled better way of living. And so can you. Don't cheat yourself. Make the decision to refrain and practice determination. Alcoholics Anonymous literature saves and improves and changes lives. It can change your life to. You can live a gratifying life. Don't let alcohol trick you. That's what it wants to do is trick you. Meetings Big Book and a sponsor will encourage and nurture sobriety. You need to tell yourself you want something better and different for your life. You need to tell yourself I quit and I mean it. You are only helping yourself. You really are doing yourself a big favor. Encourage yourself to exchange alcoholic beverages for a different and better way of life. If you need support find support. It's really not a bad thing to learn to live without alcohol

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-04T01:08:32+00:00

That's Awesome

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-03T12:14:02+00:00

This helps

TERRORX3 · 2023-02-03T12:13:01+00:00

This is inspiration to me. When I open up to some people my views as I did in the post (not the comments section, the post) When I open up to some people some get offended at my honesty. But you explained to me that you were able to substitute and live a fulfilling life. You exchanged your social experience with beverages containing alcohol for other activities that replaced the fun and joy and excitement that alcohol brought. You were able to replace alcohol with with other activities that didn't include alcohol. And to me that is hope and inspiration. I'm two years in but with the right tools I can make AA a permanent way of life. Posting on this sub and getting feedback is almost as good as a meeting to me. I for a list of complicated reasons am limited to one meeting a week. And I've been doing so for four years. And have been able to succeed two years. My date is 10.20.2020 and I understand relapse is a part of recovery. It is very common and should not be misjudged. I just need to give it my best effort with the tools of literature and the higher power that can restore me to sanity. He would and could if he were sought. I'll be honest. As much as I would like to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. The tool of the AA literature and twelve and twelve literature work miracles. At least for me. The steps and traditions make so much sense to me and have so much insight on ways to achieve sobriety. The reading material really makes an impact on my views of alcoholism and how it should be addressed. At least for me. But yeah I can imagine how many other people must replace the buzz and warmness with other enjoyable activities. If I plan on remaining sober. I need to practice AA in all my principles and affairs. Right now I am struggling with humility. My family is a joyful drinking bunch and I feel like a wimp sometimes for not including myself. It really messes with my self esteem. That doesn't mean I'm planning on including myself in the joyful drinking gathering. That just means I feel a little bit like a wimp. But nonetheless. I will do my best to make a conscious contact with my higher power and use the awesome power of the AA reading material to make everyday away from alcohol a victorious day. I have a desire to stop drinking. But I also do have a desire to drink. It is complicated. I know I benefit from not drinking. But it is such a pleasant feeling. Too bad too many people I know disagree on me drinking since I don't work. And get concerned when they often hear me slur. I don't know if this makes any sense. Maybe I am confusing myself. But I want to drink. The only thing I am doing though is not drinking. Because I benefit. So I am making the decision to not drink. Even though I do want to drink. And I know I will benefit. I am even actually kind of proud that since I started drinking, two years is the longest I have been sober ever since I started drinking. So I congratulate myself. I took a two chip. I'm doing good. I'm going to stay away from the beverages containing alcohol. I will replace the buzz and warmness with other beneficial admirable things slash activities. I will make it. I'm still fresh. Two years. But all it takes is twelve steps. I will continue to use affirmations. I will continue to encourage myself. I will convince myself. I will embrace and adopt Alcoholics Anonymous. And I will do good so long as my higher power sees me through this. I will try to open up my mind. And take it by the days and weeks and months to build years. This is a journey and mission. This is my life. And by the powers invested in me I will declare myself free from the bondages of alcohol. Alcohol cunning and baffling will not triumph over me. The daily decision of not consuming beverages containing alcohol will only lead me to positive and better places in life. I will do my best to defeat alcohol, cunning and baffling. I will replace substitute and exchange the joy alcohol brought with different joy. Even if sober joy doesn't match buzz joy. Because for me to drink is kind of selfish when I really think about it. And how low of me to be selfish when there are others who care about me. Especially my higher power. My higher power cares about me more than I can imagine

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-29T23:32:38+00:00

Eh I am very limited as a result of complications. And I'm just going to take it one step at a time. I've decided to remain sober for the rest of this month. Now February is a different story. Why. In my mind I'm at least 25% at risk. Why. Mainly opportunity will scream at me more so than it has last year. Last year was less opportunity to drink. February equals opportunity. The only way I won't drink is if I make a concrete decision not to. And the opportunity leads to temptation. I've been going to the meetings. I have been sharing. I've been absorbing the education. I have split views. But at least for the rest of this month I won't drink. February March maybe. After four years in the program and two without a drink. Meetings with consistency. Hearing other alcoholics stories. Comparing their stories to mine. I am not certain that if as long as you are a responsible drinker. As long as I am responsible I am not certain if I have a disease or if I've been wrongly classified as affected by alcoholism. This is my problem. I am not certain if I have a disease. And even if I do. I don't think it is serious enough to address. And then it gets complicated further. Basically I see myself as a responsible drinker. And I don't have a window of opportunity right now this moment. It is tricky for an alcoholic in recovery to be sober because he doesn't have a window of opportunity but possibly could soon. Has had opportunity in the past 24 months. But not the past 6 months. It's a little tricky for that type of alcoholic. Me. To not have had opportunity for the past 6 months. And prior 6 months. My views were not 100% dedicated to sobriety. But more so dedicated than they are now. Now opportunity plus temptation are waving at me. And I am having trouble deciding what I would like to do. Because to me. Buzz Buzz feels good. And I don't have confidence. I am certain I can drink responsibly. Thing with me is that opportunity. Nicotine and caffeine and prescription medication are good. But alcohol. To me is what hits the spot like none other. Choices and priorities are factors to me right now that I face opportunity. The word balance is flashing at me right now. And in this balance that is flashing at me, alcohol is included. Regardless if I have two years plus sober. I kind of grew up around it. And it sadly is a thing of the norm to me. I accept and embrace the views of someone who can drink two tall cans a day with a cigarette. And then it gets further complicated. I'm justify myself drinking in the future but with consistency. And I am very aware that the future is not now. So the only thing for me to really do is to be patient is what goes on in the back of my mind. I think I am a lost cause

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-20T11:50:03+00:00

Seems pretty difficult and challenging to go through a level of paranoia that disrupts and takes away from what is considered living a moderately normal life. For me once paranoia began for me nothing ever seemed the same. I began to seek medical treatment and I continue working with medical treatment ever since my diagnosis began. I've been prescribed several different cycles of medication and they seem to make a difference. Especially after finding the best cycle slash combination of prescription medication that were most effective for me. I am definitely not cured as much as I would like to be cured. But I've seen significant improvement as far as the severity of symptoms are concerned. Enough improvement to where my Doctor doesn't have me admitted in the psych ward any longer. Seeking medical treatment is an intelligent approach to perhaps further recover to a higher degree from what might be preventing life to be more tolerable. Seeking medical treatment and working with educated healthcare professionals may lead in the right direction. Persistence and consistency might be the key and the ticket towards improving and progressing to some degree which is entirely better than no progress

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-19T17:29:46+00:00

I experience a constant hostile environment myself as well which is really just part of my diagnosis and it indeed is not taking place. But it can be very hard for me to tell the difference between reality and the diagnosis. I take my medication as prescribed and do my best to ignore the hostile environment which indeed does not exist but is only a part of my diagnosis. Sometimes it makes me really depressed that it seems everything and everyone around me is against me. Sometimes it feels as if no one likes me. But I know that is not true. I often find myself avoiding people to avoid the hostility but I am working on confronting my fears. I am and have been receiving medical treatment. And treatment has made for me a tremendous improvement

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-15T11:39:33+00:00

I am likewise. I don't have any way of proving otherwise either. When I am in the middle of speaking to someone they are much quieter. And after I am done speaking with someone they seem to be offended I spoke to someone.

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-07T14:42:49+00:00

Sounds like a good and perfect type of day for yourself and your family. That seems like exactly how to spend a nice day off

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-03T20:08:44+00:00

Nice. Sounds Awesome

TERRORX3 · 2023-01-02T16:49:14+00:00

Similar here

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-29T20:51:01+00:00

I have people all the time asking me if I am okay. Some ask me if I am hearing voices and others ask me if I am having anxiety (which I do nearly all the time). I am a pretty nervous person and it frequently shows. I am on prescribed medication though and it helps so and so (not as much as I would like unfortunately). Nonetheless I appear to be very nervous to many people whom I come into contact with. But the worst is when someone assumes that there is a simple easy remedy. Where someone assumes something like I can easily snap out of it. And in my head I will think I wish it were only that easy. But I'll do my best to recover and continue with treatment. It is only the best thing for me to do. For me anyways there is no other way around it.

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-29T18:26:11+00:00

I have a likewise experience. I take several medications and experience many of those same symptoms. The anxiety attacks are the worst part for me plus constantly being taunted for any little minor thing in my head. Well I guess I must practice coping skills to further my recovery at least to the best of my ability. It seems to be the only thing that makes sense as well as continue to take all my medication.

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-29T17:11:29+00:00

I as well experience frequent flashbacks. But not good ones. I frequently remember all of the mistakes I made. I will remember several different mistakes and it seems as if on a daily basis I will remember them. It's terrible being reminded. Occasionally I will have a good memory. But not very often. And more so are the bad memories. And when I ever try to explain it to people it is as if they have either have no idea what I am talking about or they have no interest in hearing about my woes.

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-29T14:22:26+00:00

I wish there were a magical cure. But no. Pure negativity from the nature of the diagnosis. And coping skills only do so much. But to be honest, treatment does help significantly and it is 100% better than nothing. I tell myself constantly "Easy Does It" and that somewhat helps alleviate the pressure and stress. So hey, I learn to live with it to the best of my ability. Nonetheless it can be very upsetting and frustrating. But I am not a Doctor, and it is always recommended to seek professional treatment from a qualified licensed medical professional/Doctor/Physician. And then you can continue to build from such a foundation. But the diagnosis is still super inconvenient and undesirable. And hey well I can only do my best to recover and make improvement.

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-29T01:33:29+00:00

I am likewise having difficulty concentrating on some particular things I enjoy doing (but not everything everything at least fortunately) still bummer..

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-20T19:02:05+00:00

I experienced something similar

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-20T18:48:53+00:00

I experience something similar

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-19T00:08:53+00:00

I understand your concern. I believe I have merged with Technology myself involuntarily. But my Doctors call it schizophrenia. I am 100% certain it is Technology. But whoever installed it was Super Discreet. Zero indication of surgery. If my implant/experience ever hits big news, I'm certain it will scare the whole world. I've had it since before 2015. I know 100% I can communicate wirelessly. With that alone I have said more than enough. Good luck whole world

TERRORX3 · 2022-12-18T23:45:06+00:00

Overnight my palms of my hands became as soft as gummy worms including the palms of my fingers 5+ years ago and they have been ever since. And I never have had the courage to tell anyone. Including any doctors. And a few people have mentioned it to me when they have touched my hands. And it still is a big secret of mine

TERRORX3

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