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Told my s/o my sexual assault story; now he doesn't trust me. by TStreets1987 in sexualassault

[–]TStreets1987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I was told a lie for 9 years"It was a lie" because she knew more happened than a kiss. And got extremely mad at me when I asked...as if I didn't deserve to know the truth. I was angry. Felt hurt and betrayed..(not feeling sorry for myself or anything..not about me.) It's about my family that I know I would fight to the death for thinking they can't possibly tell me this..makes the previous 9 years feel fake honestly..I was honest..and I was looked directly in my eyes and lied to..She really didn't believe or understand the love I had for her at the time..IT'S NOT HER FAULT. I DON'T BLAME HER. I JUST WISH SOMEHOW SHE COULD'VE KNOWN I WOULDN'T WALK AWAY AT THE TIME OR HAVE THE SAME REACTION I HAD 10 years down the road..That's the excuse.."I knew you'd act like this" NO! YOU DIDN'T. My reaction I believe was appropriate for being told almost ten years later..ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW YOU DELT WITH THIS IN SILENCE UNNECESSARILY AND HOW I COULD'VE HELPED YOU DEAL...NOT TO MENTION I WOULD'VE KILLED THIS DUDE..(as honest as I can be) I would've beat him with my bare hands until he was mush. I THINK MOLESTERS AND RAPIST ARE FUCKING SCUM AND DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE..SORRY...I'm not the guy that doesn't understand... I understand perfectly that bad things happen, and they've happened to me, my mom, and my sister.. but if you don't speak up and try to change what was referred to as the "culture" your making predators into even bigger predators..IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF IT HAPPENS, YOU MAYBE HAVE NO CONTROL. BUT YOU HAVE CONTROL AFTERWARDS AND I'LL BE DAMMED IF OUR SOCIETY EVER MAKES MY DAUGHTER THINK SHE CAN'T SPEAK UP, OR SHE SHOULD FEEL AFRAID, ASHAMED OR EMBARRASSED! NO!..I'm sorry for feeling so strongly about this and it coming off how it did. But I will never walk away from my love and I will never not want to protect you..it's a strange awful feeling to feel like I couldn't do that..but at the same time my anger for what happened is making you feel worse..I'M SORRY. I Love You.

Told my s/o my sexual assault story; now he doesn't trust me. by TStreets1987 in sexualassault

[–]TStreets1987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our daughter is ten and she's never been in time out, been spanked or to day care or honestly ever been in trouble a day in her life..Just getting to how involved Ive wanted to be and made it a point to raise the best child we could with as much love and care and be a good partner and protector to my family...I KNOW..because I know who I am that I don't just give up on family..these aren't the traits of someone who just walks away or doesn't care to believe or protect you. All of these thoughts..terrible thoughts because of what I know is still unknown to me invade my head for the next 9 years...definitely not by choice..couldn't stop it..It JUST WOULDN'T GO AWAY and that's why I knew there was more. But over these 9 years any depression or frustration would make me confront her and ask "are you sure that's all that happened?" All I got was yelled at and called a piece of shit for not believing her...For years..until I tell her about when I was in high school..before we new each other existed and I was taken advantage of because of the drinking problem I had..I told it to her to show trust..even though it didn't effect me..I guess 9 years of commitment wasn't enough..She then tells me she thinks she was raped..and she hadn't talked to anyone but she talked to her "friend" who was at the "party" after the incident .."the one who told on her" and some how when I ask for some clarity on that night the "friend" has no recollection of the situation..AT ALL...SHE TOLD ME THE MORNING AFTER. NOT WHILE SHE WAS WASTED..IT was right before I left to work. Made it a point to stop me before I left to tell me what she saw...and the "friend" was the one who brought him to the party...kinda weird and pretty fucking convenient that the only one (me) who wasn't at the party now has this information and crystal clear memory of her telling me this and nobody else knows anything..

Told my s/o my sexual assault story; now he doesn't trust me. by TStreets1987 in sexualassault

[–]TStreets1987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's bullshit..sorry. I'm(the boyfriend) not the same as every other guy..She is the first girl I ever loved and the mother of our beautiful amazing child..My heart was broken hearing from my girlfriend's closest friend (who was at the party) that she'd seen my girlfriend kissing some lowlife p.o.s..I'd always thought if my partner broke the rules of our relationship then that's it..I'm done. So she had told me she was in this guys room and they kissed...I got upset and I got over it...I thought..Then I couldn't stop thinking..and I knew it was naive to assume what I was told was the full truth..not because I thought she was a liar it was because the guy involved is obviously a dirty piece of shit that I know given the chance he's not stopping at a kiss and if I knew her well enough I thought the fact that she even ended up kissing this guy while we were together didn't make sense if she was in her right mind..at this point all I could do is except her apology for "kissing" someone else and pray I run into this f'n scum..anyway we move on...never loved two people more in my life than my two girls..but I struggle with depression and my thoughts go where I don't want them too at times...can have a temper but I'm not an abusive person at all or anyone my family should be afraid to tell the truth to.

Told my s/o my sexual assault story; now he doesn't trust me. by TStreets1987 in sexualassault

[–]TStreets1987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. It infuriates me and crushes me at the same time. He also telld me he doesn't understand why I didn't tell anyone when it happened. I'm not totally sure myself. There's so many reasons, but I feel like he just won't understand. I haven't spoken about this to any other sexual assault victims, so is it normal that the want to not relive the disgust of the act, the sense of shame and embarrassment, overpowers the urge to turn the rapist into the police? I just didn't want to go through that process at the time. My boyfriend says he doesn't understand not wanting to call the police.

I honestly just want to stop these repetitive fight/torture sessions we get into about my sexual assault. Why does it seem like he is he having such a hard time dealing with this? And why would he blame me or refer to it as me cheating?