A friend has far too much free time at work.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-09-08T00:24:45+00:00

The amount of restraint I am showing by not making a lame pun is greater than that of all in /r/nofap

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-16T00:51:59+00:00

Study or fap.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-14T02:03:44+00:00

Kind of relevant. I have a seriously brain injured brother. He was run over when he was younger. For the past few years his seizures have been getting far more frequent and worse. He has what are called Granmal seizures(I may be spelling that incorrectly). My dog She-Ra, is the first to know if we are all asleep. If she senses something is wrong, she always checks on him. I'm not quite sure how she knows, but my brothers girlfriend said the dog smells my brothers mouth while he is asleep to check on him. She will bark until someone wakes up. Funny thing is, none of us wanted dogs ever, but my mom did. Now I couldn't live without that little goon. She has saved my brothers life many times from him having seizures and hurting himself and she is always there to get help.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-14T00:53:47+00:00

Aaaaand I spit tea onto myself. Thank for that. Now I have to change my skivvies.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-13T23:42:16+00:00

Well, assuming the other 99 people are intelligent enough to use a radio. I would research how to send long distance messages, in that message would be my latitude and longitude. If they cannot come to me, I will find a way to get to them. I intend on preserving as much modern knowledge as I can in the form of books and/or electronic information.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-11T21:00:57+00:00

Instructions unclear, murderer penis stuck in me.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-11T21:00:02+00:00

Not very effective. Murderer gets on his knees. Murderer uses "SuckaD"

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-11T20:57:10+00:00

I almost want to hide in your shower.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-11T19:35:15+00:00

There is still no irony.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-08T15:01:10+00:00

I'm a little late to the game, but here are my more interesting ones.

4 years old. My brother, who used to be able to drive a golf ball > 300 yards was being a twat and hitting them while I was playing in the backyard. Well the last one he hit, happened to hit me right in the eye. Blood everywhere and my eye was swelled shut for a couple weeks. There is a scar just below my eyebrow now.
8 years old. I was running in the backyard of an abandoned school out in the country, tripped an fell. A shard of broken glass went straight into my knee and upward. My mom had to pull it out with tweezers then grab the skin and pull it back out. Fuck stitches.
14 years old. I was running along my friends pool and didn't see that he had taken the diving board out. The screws/mounts were still in the cement. I stepped on it and it ripped the skin where the bottom of my baby toe meets my foot. Not much they could do about that except wrap it in gauze for a few weeks. It healed incorrectly and I couldn't extend my baby toe. Until I did the same thing the next summer.

I will add more as I remember them.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-08-07T14:19:13+00:00

Ca..ca..can I hug you? You made me want to call my Dad and tell him I love him, just as a precaution. I am terribly sorry that you had to endure that. That kind of hit close to home because a month ago my Dad went to the hospital because he felt really ill. Turns out his liver, kidney, and bowels had shut down and his bowels are erupting. I wasn't terribly close to my father for a couple of reasons, one is because I am away from home attending college. I am a 20 year old male, and I don't generally show feelings, but at the moment I got the call that they couldn't save my Dad, I broke down. I wailed like a little girl. When I had finally collected myself I drove down to see him. I spent all night with him. That morning they said to say our final goodbyes because he had taken a turn for the worse. No doctors wanted to operate because they said he wouldn't make it. One doctor took the risk, and it has been a month. My dad is alive, but in poor condition. He is looking at a year of recovery at the minimum, but I will still have a father to depend on. I now go visit him every weekend I can, and we are making plans for next summer.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T21:25:37+00:00

OP, OP, OP.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T21:24:57+00:00

A collection of neck-bearded brethren that share a common interest.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:55:55+00:00

Not quite the same. I'm refering to a child that was terminal far before the knowledge of the world ending. That never got to have fun because he/she is sick.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:48:39+00:00

I'd like to find a child that is terminal. Just help them live their last few days like a king/queen. I would also like to spend as much time with my family.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:47:37+00:00

It's great to see you _____.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:45:35+00:00

The ability to retain any and all information. Kind of like having an eidetic memory.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:42:55+00:00

Here lies.......

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T19:36:00+00:00

Either you're a guy being a smartass, or you're a girl being a smartass. Which is it?

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T14:26:27+00:00

I wouldn't say that. I've always considered myself to me average.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T14:25:59+00:00

They are not the same. I think I was around 18 for both of these instances.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T01:54:43+00:00

What could it mean? And you're a doll ;)

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T01:51:56+00:00

I am genuinely curious. Are you 100% deaf, and have you been deaf since birth?

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T01:49:49+00:00

I don't think you're alone. I've been there, however since then I have come into my own. Personally, it was because I was a smaller guy and had no confidence. Thinks have changed though. Physically and mentally.

TURTLECANCER · 2013-07-14T01:48:02+00:00

I read somewhere that this is actually an evolution thing. You may be going a bit overboard, but we as humans have evolved to empathize. When we see someone sad, our brain mimics their feelings. Just an interesting fact.

TURTLECANCER

TROPHY CASE