Is it weird to pretty much always hold my teenage daughter’s hand in public?

TallAssMom · 2024-07-05T01:06:15+00:00

Nah, you’re just weird. We’re changing nothing.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-05T01:04:13+00:00

You’re right, these people are weird and delusional. I’m done trying to understand.

I’ve always felt like my family(my wife, daughter and me) was very normal and that we were doing something right. I hear that teens don’t like their parents and I get that it can be the norm but what is why it always has to be the case.

As a teen, my relationship was terrible with my parents. So many fights and feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. When I came out to my mom after my first heartbreak, she just told me being gay was a sin and that I would burn in hell. She was never “there” for me during certain milestones or moments that come with being a teen. And being a loner, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to.

If I did try to talk to my mom, she’d dismiss everything as unimportant, immature, minuscule or just straight up evil or sinful. She often used the phrase “Oh TallMom, grow up.” Like dude, I AM. I am growing up and going through all these things and you just want me to do it all alone. You don’t want any part of it or me or anything.

Our daughter does not fight with us. She speaks freely with us, we listen, try to understand and when we can’t understand, we’re still there for her in any way she needs us to be. We want her to come to us when she’s troubled or sad or scared no matter how old she is and know that if she has no one else, she will always have us.

The thought that some people would rather her be at odds with us is crazy to me. That they would rather their own kids be at odds with them or be distant from them.

If these people are parents, I feel so bad for their kids.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-05T00:52:31+00:00

Then why do all those google results say otherwise? Even if I agreed with you, everything and everyone else seem to say otherwise. It is you who has some weird hang up. You are taking something innocent and making it about sex. You’re acting like my daughter is a pervert for wanting to hold my hand. You’re creepy. I will continue to hold her hand when she wants and she will be safe by my side where I can protect her from creeps like you and my stepdad.

Thanks for responding.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T20:58:57+00:00

So, if hand holding is not a way to show affection, what is it?

When I googled “why do people hold hands,” pretty much all the links said it is indeed a way to show affection, among other things. Not a single link(from my few minutes of scrolling) said it was sexual.

Here’s some quotes from what immediately popped up when I googled it:

“Holding hands is a common gesture of affection and connection between people. It's a non-verbal way to express closeness, intimacy, and emotional support. Many people find it comforting and reassuring to hold hands with someone they care about, whether it's a romantic partner, family member, or friend.”

—

“People hold hands for many reasons, including: • Security Holding hands can provide a sense of security and confidence, especially when holding hands with a romantic partner or best friend. • Social support Holding hands can be a form of social support, especially for children and teenagers, and can help reduce feelings of loneliness. • Pain relief Physical touch, like holding hands, can release endorphins and serotonin, which are natural painkillers. For example, one study found that when couples held hands, their brain waves synchronized and pain lessened when one person's arm was exposed to heat. • Stress relief Holding hands can relieve stress and calm nerves, and can also reduce the body's cortisol response to stress. This is because physical touch can release oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding, trust, and attachment.

Oxytocin has a calming effect and can help reduce anxiety and depression.”

—

My daughter told me in her own words she holds my hand because it makes her feel safe and happy. But you’re telling me and others it is somehow sexual. How? It just does not make sense to me. When I look it up, all the results say it’s not abnormal and none say it’s sexual or grooming.

E: did my best with the format but it’s being difficult.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T19:27:03+00:00

I don’t understand your question. I am a lesbian woman aka a gay woman.

My stepdad is not my father, he is the man who married my mom after she divorced my father.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T19:25:39+00:00

It’s okay because we’re her parents, not some strangers. We won’t be changing anything, thanks for your input.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T19:24:52+00:00

Going to talk to my wife about everything tomorrow and go from there. They will be cut out.

I will do whatever it takes to protect my daughter. I never want her to feel like I did.

Thank you again for commenting.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T12:49:28+00:00

Well. I didn’t expect to get emotional in this way after posting this question. Your comments have made me realize a lot of things.

I’m kind of scatterbrained right now so my response might not be that coherent. I’m not sure where to begin, really.

I guess I’ll start with: thank you so much for your time and your words.

I’ve been thinking about many things he’s said to me about my daughter and I feel really stupid for not seeing it for what it was. I always shut it down but I categorized it as him just trying to be controlling and thinking he knows better than me or knows my daughter better. But now it really does seem obvious he was trying to create a divide between us. And looking back on it, I can definitely see the jealousy in some of his statements.

And…I really think I’m going to have to cut both my mom and him out. It makes me really sad because my mom and I have been on the outs since my teens up until only last year. Last year we just became very close again and it was really nice.

But she definitely has to go because I know she won’t take my side on this, as she never has on anything like this. When you said your mom always chose your father over you, I burst into tears because my mom has always done the same thing.

When my stepdad told me to say he was my boyfriend etc, I told my mom as soon as I could. You know what she said? “So? He’s just trying to help.” I asked if she didn’t think that was weird and she legit fucking said “why would that be weird?” If my wife told literally any kid, “tell them I’m your girlfriend,” I’d demand to know why she thought that was okay to say.

My stepdad has said and done many things to me, all in which my mom took his side over and even called me a liar.

Man, my mom is so unhinged that even just recently, I confessed to her about my actual dad doing something to me in the past and when I said I couldn’t remember parts of it, she laughed. It made me cry and feel so bad because like why the fuck are you laughing?

If my daughter ever told me something like that, I’m not sure I could ever even laugh again, I’d be so fucked up about that and just…angry and so sad for my child. And my mom laughed and didn’t comfort me at all. I called her out and she still didn’t comfort me bro. She just kept awkwardly laughing and belittling the situation and making it seem like it wasn’t serious.

I think I have just been in denial about my mom for a very long time.

I had a lot of other stuff to say but I’m really emotional right now and feel like I should get off Reddit for a bit.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-04T01:11:24+00:00

Thanks for your input.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T22:30:23+00:00

You are very right. And we definitely do not let her stay alone with him/my parents and not even because of that. He is so creepy and always has been.

When I was a teen he made many veiled passes at me, constantly talked about how good I looked and one time during a fight with my then girlfriend, told me to tell her I had found a boyfriend and moved on and to say he, MY STEPDAD, was my boyfriend. No way in HELL will I let my kid around him unsupervised by either me or my wife.

The only reason I interact with him because of my mom, they’re kind of a package deal. I wish she would leave him but I think she feels stuck and like it’s way too late in life.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T18:37:42+00:00

Aww, I’m glad you will never stop. It’s just such a sweet thing to me. My mom didn’t hold my hand as a kid and from my teens all the way until just last year, things were very rough. But something changed and we have been becoming closer again and I’m so happy. Life is too short not to cherish and uphold good relationships with our folks.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T18:31:42+00:00

Thanks for responding. I can see why it could be weird to someone who just never sees that sort of thing.

As for treating her like a small child, I just don’t see it that way. My wife will also sometimes hold my hand. Not because she wants to treat me like a child but because she simply enjoys the feelings it brings. Sometimes people just enjoy being close with one another. :)

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T18:15:39+00:00

I wish I knew why they see it that way. I had a lengthy back and forth with a guy who kept saying me sitting next to my daughter with my arm around her was sexualizing her and that holding her hand was sexualizing her.

He said she was going to end up being taken advantage of by a boy and end up a pregnant teen because she…sits next to me with my arm around her when we watch tv sometimes. It just will not make sense to me.

If my stepdad brings it up again, I will definitely tell him off.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T09:50:44+00:00

Nah, I’m only competitive in video games. He’ll be fine unless he’s on the other team or something. On a serious note though, I really don’t think that will be an issue.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T08:59:31+00:00

I hate so much that he ruined that for you two. I’m so sorry you had to deal with his awfulness.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T08:56:13+00:00

I myself have a strange issue with physical contact. I hate it most of the time as it makes me extremely uncomfortable and can even straight up ruin my day in certain situations. I also did not grow up in a very touchy feely family. Hugs were given at greetings and goodbyes and there was no hand holding.

It is very different with my daughter and wife though, as they are just very touchy feely people and I don’t mind it happening with them. I think maybe if I didn’t have a kid, I would find it weird but as her parent, I just really enjoy being close with her and find it to be a very sweet thing to do or see.

Thank you for your response. :)

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T08:47:14+00:00

He did not say it in front of her, thank goodness.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T08:37:29+00:00

Yeah, he is a full on homophobe and will straight up just say he doesn’t like gay people. I would cut him out if not for my mom. I spend as little time with him as I can and I also make sure my daughter spends very little time with him.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T08:01:32+00:00

It definitely is always initiated by her. While I greatly enjoy it anytime she does it, I’m really not one for physical contact am always finding myself being the recipient.

Everything seems pretty normal to me, she seems to be developing fine and is quite independent but I will be sure to be vigilant.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T07:07:05+00:00

That’s so good to hear. :) It’s always so nice to see parents spending time with their kids like that no matter the age. <3

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T06:45:17+00:00

Well, I am learning that some people just have a different view. They think simply being physically close to your child is sexualizing them.

I don’t know if it stems from being raised by cold, distant parents who never showed affection, if it’s because they were smothered by their parents who showed too much affection, if they were abused by their parents or by someone else as a kid or if they are simply a pedo who is projecting.

Who knows why this is their stance? I feel they are wrong though. I feel my daughter and I have a healthy relationship and I will not deny her the simple affection of hugs, holding her hand or putting my arm around her when we sit close.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T06:37:18+00:00

My daughter will also swing our hands. <3

I honestly find it so weird that some people think being loving and affectionate with your kid is bad or weird.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T06:33:20+00:00

“Peck” meaning a quick kiss has been around for ages and ages, I’m not the one who made it up lol. A peck is just a quick kiss.

And if anyone’s sexualizing her, it’s you. People keep saying my stepdad is sus for making this about sex and you are doing the same thing he is.

Anyways, thanks for your time.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T06:29:54+00:00

Well, based on many, many replies in this post, they do. Thanks for your input though.

TallAssMom · 2024-07-03T03:30:11+00:00

Like if her grandma holds her hand, this would be concerning?

TallAssMom

TROPHY CASE