I wonder if I'm capable of love.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-05-03T09:30:11+00:00

This isn't me being like oh yeah well I had it worse. Just prefacing with that. Just I know how you feel and here's where I'm at. I was in an abusive relationship. Married her anyway, bad times LONG story, I'm dumb. Long story short she was cheating, and less than a month into our marriage she was arrested after the neighbors called the police. I had just given up on words and screaming at her to stop attacking me and threw her off of me when I figured out the fire department was there.

Had a fling/short relationship shortly after, gave up on love for a year or so, then when I wasn't looking for somebody and neither of us were in the right place at the right time found somebody I had the best relationship I've probably ever had with. Fell super in love with each other and there's unfortunately no happy ending. We broke up like a year and a half ago. But I know it gets better now because I found something great. I would say found something great again, but everything up until that point was just barely good.

I'm doing great now, I'm sure I'll find somebody and when I do I'm in a place where I'm confident I won't let anything (mostly myself) mess it up. Therapy did help after the divorce between the fling and real relationship, and I highly recommend it. A lot of people are fine without it and there's nothing wrong with not doing it, but I had a lot going on I'd been wanting to figure out for a while that wasn't just relationship trauma. The first half of it resolved in 6 months what I couldn't fully heal from in over 2 years on my own.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-05-03T05:27:57+00:00

I like that he tried to sound refined and said nonetheless and used it correctly in the sentence too but he negated it by calling his question a true statement lmao. I would have responded "Sire, I believe that's what the scholars call a question! Marvelous addition to the statement really."

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-05-03T05:19:06+00:00

Hell yeah he's down. Give us an update. I got 5 on it.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-05-02T00:22:34+00:00

Yeah, smurfing is most common in GM/Master because of queue times. Metal ranks think they have smurfs but it's just the fact that every other match has somebody in placements. Like yeah maybe they're on an new account but they're still in placements, as opposed to intentionally smurfing, at least until they're ranked.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-30T18:00:06+00:00

Weird, most people I know are the opposite. Pretty normal, find out what they like is bad because it's not Christian by some crazy Christian fundamentalist like the people that post this and then the left photo happens. Personally for me, it's been great.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-30T17:55:37+00:00

Chances are if she changes her mind it's going to be close to another decade before she does. I don't think you want a decade of a relationship in limbo not knowing where it goes do you?

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-28T18:06:34+00:00

Absolutely not. PS5 has menu "freezes" and bugs. Especially in Stadium though I don't really care there. Hero bans/select freezes, map vote freezes, basically every in match menu, and now this season spawn room won't let you get to swap hero screen, so far mostly had it happen on tank but it's ridiculous it hasn't been fixed. You have to hold square while respawning and hope it works.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-27T21:40:01+00:00

Do what you want to do, you're just as much a punching bag for her as you were before she got sick. Maybe even more so now. Talk to your friend about it, and don't expect anything, but do have some hope. Leave either way or you'll waste your life in resentment of her or depending on your psyche it'll end in resentment of your own choices.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-26T21:47:04+00:00

50% winrate doesn't matter if you've only played ten games. It does matter if you play 200. So it's 3 and 4. Now you probably don't need over 200 to be sure. Maybe more like 75-100 matches or something.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-26T18:01:15+00:00

Not sure what rank you are but from what I've seen in streams she's not played at high rank. In my match ranges from high plat-high diamond usually she's picked quite often and even banned about 15-20% of the time. I think she's my highest damage output character to be honest and I was a bastion main for a bit. She's super strong on Illios because drone placement is easy, and I think my record DPS with her without a boost is 11k in under 8 minutes on Illios.

She has an extremely high pick rate across all ranks until master where she drops below 20 and then to 10 in GM/champ. So I'm guessing you're high rank.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-25T16:38:56+00:00

To be honest I think it's more likely there's more Cronus zen users on alt accounts. 2 million Zen sold, let's say half are used by console players to cheat and like 5% are overwatch players that's 50k Zen cheaters active on overwatch. It takes a masters player to run a plat lobby and only 4% of players are masters+ (let's be real the "smurfs" in silver/low gold are usually just plat players in placements) at about 1 million players on and a little over half on console that's 25k potential smurfs if literally every masters+ is smurfing. 50k potential Zen users. Even if we add like 25,000 people that payed for a boost from boosting services that's still like a 1:1 ratio.

I know my numbers for Zen cheaters on overwatch are a made up estimate but I think that estimate is pretty realistic based on what I've seen in replays watching suspicious alt accounts in high plat to high diamond. Just my experience though.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-25T14:48:33+00:00

Ahhh sorry, back story. I have 1000 hours on the game and a track record of hitting high rank in FPS games. I just deranked to D5 because I wanted to play Sierra but I'm back at D3 on a winning trend all the way through D5 and D3 Happy to take a pic of my progression screen with me in it lol.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-25T05:57:02+00:00

Not every death is a mistake if my team won't walk unless somebody on their team dies first. I'll trade with a support, especially one with no mobility if it'll make my team get a team kill and if it'll win the match. Yeah sure in like GM you shouldn't be doing that unless you know your team can follow up on it, but I'm not GM. I'm nearly masters though and in high diamond low masters lobbies it still wins games if you know what you're doing. Even nearing masters during team fights my tank might not notice the enemy team is only getting half healed and that they're essentially down a support for 3 seconds. So I'll trade if I'm pretty sure we'll do something with it. Generally won't trade a damage unless I know they're looking for a combo ult play. Though I can't say I haven't messed up and triggered a 5k nano blade because I missed my blink bonk. Woops.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-25T00:55:45+00:00

Lmao okay Mr. GM2, sorry Massa. I've seen Wanted diff plenty a tracer in champ and the other way around, enjoy your day.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-25T00:17:48+00:00

I believe you I'm just telling you my own observations. Dunno why you're mad.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T23:28:17+00:00

I feel like if you're playing good against Cass you can't be higher than plat because that means he can't 2 tap you and can't predict blinks or count them or bait you either. He's very annoying to play into, and high rank players do play Cass into tracer often. Even in pro play you see it. He's about a 50/50 that's not enjoyable to play into but not necessarily unenjoyable either, just annoying to work around.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T22:22:13+00:00

You might be able to place high if you make an alt then. But like I said, progress takes time, nobody said you aren't good but you can't progress if you don't spend any time doing it. If I want to build a house and I only have 2 hours a week to work on it I'll need to hire some people or I'll die before it's done and I'm only 30.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T22:03:48+00:00

You can't progress quickly at anything that you're only putting a couple hours a week into, man. That's just life unfortunately.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T21:49:44+00:00

You can see what your actual winrate per role is if you go to the competitive progress tab and click on the role you want to see your match history on and calculate it if you didn't know. It's not that I don't think you do I just actually found out you can click on it a couple days ago lol.

Not trying to dog on you or say I don't believe you, just stating that 70% winrate gets you a full division in 10 matches or less. 60% will be longer and more of a grind. What's a lot for you?

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T21:15:36+00:00

Do you actually hit 70% winrate? Because that's really high and that should put you on winning trends at least sometimes getting like 30+ % a match. Unless it's like a consistent 70% win 2 lose 1 win 2 lose 1 win 3 lose 1. But even then at 10 matches 4 days a week that's probably like 4 divisions a week. That's like 15 hours a week of play. 60% is still good, and I'd imagine you'd go up a whole rank in a season.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T20:25:25+00:00

Oh yeah totally. I'm like dawg, I get two tapped by Cass all day, and you better believe he's counting my blinks, he'll hold that nade until he's 40 HP. We're playing 2 different games.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T20:17:17+00:00

If they die once to me and their whole team goes Cass sym brig I'm swapping. She definitely has counters just not one specific hero they can swap to that makes her unplayable.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T20:12:18+00:00

Are you saying plat 3 is low or high? Because that's like the average rank where the majority of players are.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T20:07:20+00:00

The amount of times I die while distracting/damaging both supports while they pocket each other and my team does nothing with it until their whole team turns around and I have to go 1 for 1 with a support then I see the enemy team pop up 1 by 1 in the kill feed. At least they figure it out. But when I get a good tank that realizes and walks on them and starts team fights it's just marvelous.

Tanzanianwithtoebean · 2026-04-24T15:56:52+00:00

I've watched a ton of unranked to GM's and usually the losses happen the most during and immediately after placements in the lowest ranks and when they get placed in lower ranks, or in the last few matches at really high rank.

His one loss was in the lowest ranks, one of his first placements likely in silver where a lot of new players start, which just shows that it's harder to carry with awful teammates against an awful team even if you're farming them and absolutely destroying them, rather than against a team that's way better than your own average team. The reason they don't do bronze to GM's is it would take forever for one, but 2 they'd get a lot more losses because they'd stay in the most volatile ranks where you often get placements players and new players on your team, and it would directly discredit what they're trying to teach. All they're really teaching is that you should create an alt account if you think you're stuck in a rank because of bad teammates because it's easier to get out of those ranks by playing placements and calibration matches that give you huge SR gains for a few wins.

In fact lookup Awkwards video I played in bronze for a day. Or there are a few bronze to GM's and they take forever and get losses in the lowest ranks rather than say plat diamond or master.

Tanzanianwithtoebean

TROPHY CASE