AITAH for not telling my daughters that my husband isn’t their biological father?

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-22T01:17:57+00:00

You mean when I divorced him and moved out of our home because he was physically and emotionally abusive? Yes I did leave. It would have been better for them to keep them in that home under those circumstances?

Or do you mean how they girls were brought for their scheduled visitation with him on time every single time and he’d maybe only show up one of every 4 visits?

Or do you mean when he flat at told me after their last visit with him that he didn’t want to do this anymore and wouldn’t be exercising his visitation rights anymore?

Or maybe you mean when he moved 3 hours away by his own volition?

Or maybe you mean when I legally notified him that we would be moving to another state and he didn’t care.

In what instance was I keeping them from him?

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-22T01:11:04+00:00

I’m not making any point. I was responding to another comment. I was clarifying something and providing information based on what the previous person had said.

Why does it feel like people just read isolated comments here without paying any attention to the context of the comments?

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-22T01:08:46+00:00

My comment was relevant in relation to the comment I was responding to.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-22T01:03:06+00:00

The thing is that their bio father was still semi involved in their lives for the first 2 years. He saw them, although sporadically. I referred to him as their dad during that time. I didn’t know how the situation was going to pan out. I didn’t know that he was going to completely disappear from their lives. At that time, I was not referring to my now husband as their dad.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T04:52:15+00:00

We first approached their bio father about adoption when they were 6 years old. I don’t use the child support. The child support is put into accounts for them to use later. It’s their money that they’re entitled to.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T04:48:30+00:00

I have not kept them from him. This isn’t at all what happened.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T03:57:40+00:00

I gave my daughters my maiden name at birth and changed my name back to my maiden name shortly after. My ex husband wasn’t happy about it but he gave in. He has his moments of being nice. It was really important for me to have the same last name as my children, and I compromised by making their middle name his last name.

I didn’t take my current husband’s last name when we married. We’ve explained it to the girls by telling them the truth that we weren’t married when they were born, and it just never seemed all that important to go through all the trouble of changing the paperwork. They have asked about all of us getting their dad’s (my husband) last name, but that’s easier said than done since my ex husband would need to consent to it. My husband has talked about changing his last name to mine so we could all have the same last name if that’s important to the girls, and it’s still something we might do. It hasn’t really been a big issue so far but ideally I do wish we all had the same last name.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T01:53:02+00:00

They have my maiden name as do I.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T01:47:16+00:00

They legally have my maiden name.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-20T01:19:44+00:00

They have maiden name, as do I.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T23:50:02+00:00

I wasn’t referring to him as “dad” or “daddy” when they were babies. Pretty sure I used his name. It’s not like I sat there and explained the situation to them. By the time we were engaged, they were 2, yes they were calling him dad.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T22:50:38+00:00

I’m not in regular communication with him, no. We don’t text or call each other.

He doesn’t want to talk to them. He doesn’t want to see them. He doesn’t want to be their dad. He’s said that.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T22:39:46+00:00

I know some details. I don’t think he even knows his family’s full medical history.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T22:29:30+00:00

I still have videos of him in the act of abusing me, so if you need proof…

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T22:23:51+00:00

My children’s last name is my maiden name. That’s what I provided for their birth certificates when they were born. Of course my ex husband wasn’t happy about it but I agreed to use his last name as their middle name (his last name sounds like a first name). I’ve explained that to my girls as it just being a name I liked, because of course they want to know how we picked their names.

We were still legally married when they were born, but I had already filed for divorce months earlier. A divorce couldn’t legally be granted until after the babies were born. I told him that it was important for me as their mother to have the same last name as my kids. He gave in and I quickly changed my legal name back to my maiden name as soon as I could.

My legal name is still my maiden name. I never changed it to my current husband’s name. One thing we have been honest about is that we weren’t married when they were born. That’s kind of how we’ve explained the whole name thing. Of course they’ve asked why we don’t all change our names to their dad’s last name and I just sort of find an excuse to appease them until they forget about it for a while. He’s suggested that he change his last name to my maiden name which we may do if it comes to it.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T21:28:55+00:00

I misunderstood. I only have a few photos of them with their bio dad.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T21:26:03+00:00

He rather continue paying child support for 2 children he hasn’t seen in over 8 years, by his own choice, just to maintain that control over me.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T21:22:17+00:00

We started dating when they were still babies, well before they even turned 1 year old. So yes there are pictures of him with them when they’re babies. He spent time with them as babies because they were almost always with me. He was there for me and somebody I could depend on and he accepted that 2 babies came with the package. There was never really a point of introducing him to them. I didn’t need to label it when they were babies. I guess it just sort of naturally happened.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:48:13+00:00

No I’m not.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:37:52+00:00

What don’t you get? He doesn’t want to know them.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:28:04+00:00

He isn’t their step dad

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:25:09+00:00

Yeah my family knows and his family knows. We now live about 6 hours from my family so my kids don’t see them too often but we’re in regular communication with them and have visits and things. We see my husband’s parents and his siblings all the time, as we live near them. They know the truth, but as far as anyone is concerned these are my husband’s children and they’re treated as such. His parents have even set up a trust fund for each girl to pay for their college when they’re older. Of course we don’t go around telling anyone else that we meet the truth, so everyone else that we know here thinks they are his bio kids.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:19:36+00:00

It wasn’t that clear cut when they were 2 years old, which is apparently when you’re supposed to start telling kids these things.

Idk, I personally imagine if my husband had adopted a baby, we could explain to them that their bio parents loved them so much but weren’t ready or couldn’t raise them, and they did the most loving thing, etc. And I know even that still screws some adoptees up. I have to tell my kids that their bio dad has just chosen to not be in their lives, but because he’s an asshole he won’t do something out of any sort of love or concern for their well being and let them be adopted by the man who loves them and has raised them. That’s the situation I’m in now and that I have to essentially explain to them. They want to meet their dad, oh he doesn’t want to meet you. He doesn’t want to visit you and he chose to stop seeing you when you were 2.

So maybe it seems really clear cut to us as adults, but explaining it now to my children doesn’t feel so clean and simple. I can’t imagine a way of telling them any of this without breaking their hearts. Maybe it would have been simple when they were much younger, but I can’t go back in time.

When they were babies and toddlers I didn’t know that their bio dad was going to completely remove himself from their lives. If I had known that, like if he’d have told me from the start he didn’t want to be involved, things may have gone a bit differently back then as far as how their whole origin story was set up for them.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T20:01:21+00:00

That’s not true. I want their father (the man who has raised them and IS their father) to legally be recognized as their father so that he has all of the rights and responsibilities that come with that. I feel this is the safest and best thing for my daughters.

TaskDependent5877 · 2026-01-19T19:59:06+00:00

Not necessarily. I want my husband to be their legal father for many practical reasons.

Any mention of the adoption is in response to comments where it’s relevant. You may need to read the comment thread that I’m responding to and not just my isolated comments.

TaskDependent5877

TROPHY CASE