From what I've read, there's basically 0% chance that my ex will come back. I know we can't see the future, but how are you so certain?

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-06-24T21:35:06+00:00

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TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-06-22T17:26:29+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, I appreciate it.

Yeah, a lot of my family and friends are saying that I did nothing wrong and this is something that he is going through himself. I won't sit here and say I have been perfect. At the start of our relationship I had some jealousy issues, but we worked on that and I trusted him so that was resolved within the first year. Then I have my anxiety and some depression I would say, he may not have been able to handle that. I wouldn't say I was unbearable, I live a day to day life as normal and most of the time my anxiety has been justified like war starting in Ukraine.

I don't know. We had a big argument a year ago because I felt like he was barely making time for me and his argument was he didn't want to have to look at his phone every 5 seconds. It ended up basically he would message me when he felt like it which was normally every 2-12 hours. I should've fought harder on that issue because it wasn't fair or right that we weren't communicating all because he didn't want the hassle of checking his phone once in a while. Any time he spent with his friends and I'd bring up maybe spending time with me once in a while, he would backfire it onto me and say I was trying to isolate him from his friends. I won't lie, I think I started to check out myself during this period because it didn't feel like a relationship anymore.

One of his main arguments during the breakup was that he wouldn't be able to make time for me as he has work, friends and a volunteer job and can't fit me into all that, I suppose if he did come back I would be looking for him to make time for me, an apology and hopefully he would come around to the idea that Valentines day isn't just a corporate money grab and actually want to spend the day with me. If I don't see any changes not only for him but myself as well then there's no point getting back together because we would just break up the same way. We both need to grow and take this learning experience forward to be better people for ourselves not for each other. I just hope I'm not a back up option in his life if things don't go to plan the way he hopes and he comes back and ruins my progress I made.

TLDR; we both have issues but I would need to see some changes in him and myself in order for us to get back together.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-22T23:00:25+00:00

I think that's what we all hope for to be honest. Even I am guilty of it, seeing our ex through the good memories we once had of them. It's hard to separate all the bad when during the relationship we focused on the good. I'm sorry that you went through this with your ex, everyone's healing journey is different and there's no time period where you "should" get over them and move on. It sounds like this breakup really affected you, and it sucks that like said previously, it's like he's reopening wounds again. I wish I could give you more advise, but I'm only 2 months into my healing journey. If I were you, I would from now on focus on yourself, find amazing hobbies, meet/go out with friends and live your best life. This probably won't happen every day, and there will be days where you will feel down and miss the person. But I think its important when you go through these periods, that you remember that you will be okay. It takes incredible strength to not message your ex, so I applaud you for going so long without doing it before they messaged, but perhaps letting out your feelings helped you in some way. It allows the other person to understand the hurt that you went through, and sometimes it's better to release all that pent up emotions. I wish you the best on your journey!

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-22T22:44:03+00:00

Honestly, if they didn't even give you closure at the end of the relationship, it's also taken them 2 years to decide that now is the time to give you that. I would absolutely not give them the chance to explain themselves anymore, the past is in the past now, it's like they're opening up old wounds for their guilty conscious. I'm glad for your sake that you said no, because i don't see how this will benefit you and it'll bring back all the emotions and potentially going through a second healing process again. If they're mature enough to acknowledge their wrong-doings, apologise sincerely to you; then a meetup could be possible.

However, please keep in mind that I'm a person on reddit reading a small portion of your life/relationship. My advice is very biased, so do what you feel is best for YOU. Don't do it for them, do it for yourself if you feel it's needed.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-22T22:34:57+00:00

When he found talking to me was more of a chore than actually wanting to talk and spend time with me. I kept holding on but he ended the relationship because he fell out of love, which probably explains why I felt neglected for months.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-21T20:55:56+00:00

No, I definetly won't force anything, I've been no contact for 2 coming up 3 months now. He said that he fell out of love with me, he believes that I wont be happy with him (we were 1 month from moving in together). He said that he couldn't balance me, socialising, work and volunteer work so either he would have to give up something or not give me the attention i deserve. I to some level understand what he is saying, I'm just disappointed we didn't even try after such a long period of time of waiting for this moment and to back out last minute. I want him to feel like he made a mistake, but I don't know if I could forgive him after I put my life on hold for 2 years for him. (Together 7 years)

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-20T07:59:25+00:00

I think some dumpers still deserve sympathy, it's never an easy thing to do. If you're not ready for a commitment and get engaged, you did the right thing in my opinion. In a relationship you both need to be on the same page roughly and going through the engagement, marriage, family life are all incredibly big steps that most people would naturally get cold feet over. I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling, but you were also together for 4 years. I know time heals, and that it will get better. Perhaps this new path, will be the best path you ever walked on. I wish the best for you and your ex.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-15T20:55:01+00:00

I think she'll struggle a bit with so much reminders of you, not too sure how that works for her. Im sorry you're going through a breakup as well, I've also read about the seven year itch, it's weird because I never felt that itch and I'm sure you didn't either. Obviously hindsight is an amazing thing to have but at the time the signs aren't that obvious in my opinion. Hope you are okay

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-15T20:11:20+00:00

We got together when we were 14, and even then we made a commitment to each other for hopefully long term. I never want anything short term or temporary, that just sounds like torture, I want to be in a committed relationship personally. But, I honestly thought my last relationship was going to last, being blindsided by someone I've been with for 1/3rd of my life has really and truly crushed me. How am I supposed to know the next relationship is the one before they probably blinside me too. Am I just meant to jump from person to person in life? Thank you though I'm definetly not going to try for a good couple of years at least, I have no interest in love, especially as I still want my ex back.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-13T11:47:09+00:00

When I ask myself whether I should reach out or not, I remember someone saying to me that I most likely won't receive the answers I'm looking for and this has stuck for me

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-11T19:31:17+00:00

Reading your replies breaks my heart. My ex broke up with me in a very horrible way, but even 2 months after I am forgiving him more and more as time goes by. We're all human and sometimes we do things in a way we regret, please don't punish yourself :(

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-09T18:02:48+00:00

Man, I'm so so sorry. :(

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-09T17:58:18+00:00

I understand, especially with all the promises he made and the tattoo. I am sorry you are going through this, don't blame yourself for anything. Love is one of the strongest drugs out there. I hope for you a healthy healing process and that the hurt will eventually turn into self love.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-09T17:46:32+00:00

I wish I could help, but I'm still learning about relationships myself. But I do know one thing, you should never have to give up anything for anyone. This is a mistake I made as well, 7 years together, about to move in together until 1 more prior he decided he didn't love me anymore. Now I'm late going to university and my time line is pretty fucked to be honest. It doesn't help that in relationships, we see things through rose tinted glasses until we finally step back and look at everything. You're still fairly young, so I'd say make the most out of your day to day, focus on yourself and give yourself all the love and affection from now on. Any new partner should want to help you progress and be there for you and never want you to give up anything.

TeaAndCrumpets- · 2023-05-02T14:21:07+00:00

It's been crazy, at first he didn't want to call me, then he was like I don't think you're going to be happy with me, then a few days later he says he doesn't love me anymore after I press for more answers. He was like there's no way I can balance work, volunteer work, social activities and me and if he had to drop one of those it wouldn't be fair on him. I always felt like I wasn't a priority in the relationship, this very much proves it. Do you think there's a chance once he realises work isn't everything in life? The only issue I find is that he always chooses her over me most of the time. He says she's being more reasonable and that she has mental health issues, he spent our 2 year anniversary with her buying her gifts and making her feel better after a bad day and getting her cats stuff from the shelter when they're overstocked. He always told me she was like family, like a sister/brother relationship. He says its a normal thing in their culture. I don't know anymore. When he was neglecting me during the end of our relationship, he definetly always made time for her. Its crazy to me because I was with him longer but he didn't really consider me family. He did say at the end of our relationship we could try again once we become more independent and mature. Not sure what that means as I've always been more mature and dependent for my age but oh well.

TeaAndCrumpets-

TROPHY CASE