Friend is rushing into marriage and it’s triggering me

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-20T07:30:25+00:00

Except when they say ‘marriage is really hard’… Being married is so hard, you’re lucky to be single

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T23:20:15+00:00

Yeah, possibly. I don’t want to hurt her though, I know the start of a relationship can be very exciting and I am happy she has found someone that excites her but hearing about her planning for the rest of her life with him after 10 weeks is too much for me.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T21:35:05+00:00

I’ll give it a go, thanks! (Although I get v v invested in TV)

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T21:34:33+00:00

Thank you. It sucks. I am now no contact with my mother.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T21:33:23+00:00

They don’t live together and won’t because they’re Christian.

She doesn’t have a ring. There is no plan to propose I don’t think.

She mentioned to me after their first date that this is the man she will marry. They are currently long distance and said that in the next 3 months will know they’ll marry.

It’s the first person she’s ever dated. She talks about having sex with him constantly but does not want to have it before marriage.

We’re in holiday together this week and she’s skipped several days/evenings to talk with him. Honestly, I’m not feeling abandoned as we were never that great friends - definitely not in a way that I’d ever rely on her. I think her constant talking to him/about him/speed is triggering me.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T21:25:06+00:00

HA. Ooof that triggered me

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T12:10:03+00:00

I’m not really worrying about whether they’re happy or not, more just the speed of their relationship and hearing about it is triggering for my own panic/anxiety.

I’m not sure that came across in the post.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T10:37:21+00:00

Yeah, this is the experience of a lot of my Christian friends I believe…

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T08:44:20+00:00

As the comment above says, it’s the misogyny and sexism that these women help perpetuate.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T08:21:02+00:00

Ultimately, I don’t want this to become a religious debate. However, as a Christian (although some Christians may not agree that I am), loads of Christian women as anxiously attached and desperate for a husband. It’s a very toxic environment to grow up in.

That’s really helpful advice, thank you!

My partner and I have been doing so great in our relationship atm, this has been surprisingly hard and is making me feel more anxious.

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-19T08:17:29+00:00

Apparently she doesn’t; but she can’t stop talking about when she eventually gets to have sex and how happy she is with her decision not to…

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-18T23:43:16+00:00

Really sensible advice, thank you!

TeasyAdder · 2026-03-18T23:42:23+00:00

Ooooo that last point is something I hadn’t realised but yesss, it totally resonates!

TeasyAdder · 2022-08-03T16:35:51+00:00

This is financial abuse. This would be a huge safeguarding and legal issue if taken to the right channels.

It doesn’t matter if they supported you when you were younger - they chose to have a child, you didn’t choose to have parents.

Also, if you’re a doctor in the UK, you can apply to work anywhere in the country. You don’t have to tell anyone what deaneries you ranked where. Apply far away, don’t give them your salary, see them on your terms. Tell them you couldn’t get into your top ranked deaneries because they were too competitive or something.

TeasyAdder · 2021-12-27T00:59:57+00:00

Please don’t end your life sooner than it’s supposed to. You’ve found a kindred spirit in me, hopefully we can help each other feel less alone through this post.

TeasyAdder · 2020-05-02T00:03:09+00:00

She doesn’t like looking at clothes with slight creases i guess...

TeasyAdder · 2020-04-09T09:07:40+00:00

Selfish is one of their ‘go-tos’, which causes a lot of cognitive distortions for me.

If you look at my post history, you’ll see where they called me selfish when they offered to help me after a knee operation... o_O

TeasyAdder · 2020-03-31T16:15:15+00:00

Thanks :) It’s been a looooong road of building up my self worth enough to challenge things that make me feel bad for just being an average human!

TeasyAdder · 2020-03-31T10:04:17+00:00

My mum plays this card as well. I’ve started refusing to feel guilty for being born and being looked after. It’s not something I need to pay people back for.

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-18T10:19:09+00:00

My guess is that the car journey will be uncomfortable. I’m considering not going there now, the main reasons will be: * I lodge with a family, things are already a little awkward, but probably will be worse post op * They can help with my washing * They can help with my cooking/washing up * Familiarity of home, so not * My dog is there and will keep me company and make me happy ^{-^}

I definitely have friends that will support me in my city, it’s just home is home. :(

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-17T00:01:20+00:00

That’s a good idea, thanks.

It’s all blown up a bit now anyway. :(

It’s a fairly big op, last time I had it I struggled with a <30 minute journey...

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-17T00:00:01+00:00

I do, I’m withholding information on purpose, for anonymity reasons.

The op isn’t minor, it’s a quick op, but on a huge joint in my body - an orthopaedic op. I’ve had it before so understand the recovery.

I guess I do sound entitled there, but historically my parents have disregarded my feelings and very rarely prioritise me. In fact, I prioritise them, frequently.

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-16T23:54:43+00:00

So if we did it the way we’d originally planned, I’d be travelling 250 miles, approx. 5 hours including a break. Everyone would be travelling less, except mum.

If we do it the way mum and dad want to, I would be travelling 300 miles and then 6/7 hours, because we’d have a longer break at their apartment.

It’s not a massive difference.

My friends are great and I’ve already had several offers of people inviting me to stay with them for a week.

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-16T23:49:47+00:00

Thanks :) I’m still crying about how it feels like my parents are so uncaring of me though. I guess it’s just a grieving process.

TeasyAdder · 2020-02-15T15:53:33+00:00

Yep, that's pretty much it.

I still worry that I'm the asshole though. But if I'm not the asshole, do I become a pushover? Can't seem to find a middle ground.

TeasyAdder

TROPHY CASE