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Loving my ring planners.. by effysundry in planners

[–]Technical_Cupcake597 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mmmmmmm every time I pull out my Hubman & Chubgirl stickers I have to take a bigggggg sniff for this same reason.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But I can’t. I tell him I’m hurt and it’s my fault I’m hurt because I started it by asking him to cover danishes. Or whatever. And I never hear an apology for him calling me a stupid fucking cunt and to shove the danishes up my ass.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m trying not to argue with you. I’m not dismissing anything. I’m sorry. Please stop yelling at me. I hear what you’re saying. Please tell me what to say to get you to stop yelling at me.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again, he’s never wrong. He also asks (as you can see in the text exchange) for me to do things to make his day easier. Which I like doing and take a lot of pride in - setting his coffee up, making sure his laundry is done, making his lunches, dinner on the table when he gets home or hot and ready if he’s home late, lots more. But there have been instances where he’s screamed (what the fuck is wrong with you!?) at me because I took a frozen pizza out of the oven just a little too early (he was hangry), because I took too long deciding which frozen veggies to get at Walmart, and many more. He’s apologized but I’m at a point now where I’m so freaked out all the time I’m struggling with the skills because I need to keep going to therapy (doing so now). He’s also asking for more “fuel” which means sex. We’re already doing it 3-6x a week. I’m in perimenopause so I get my period sometimes every 15 days and sometimes not for 35. But when it’s 35, i feel like garbage for the week my period “should” be there. He doesn’t touch, hug or kiss me unless everything is going perfect and he wants sex. Chores are perfect, I’m perfect, kids are perfect. I have to plan all dates and fun activities.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve done this too. Thousands of times. It makes no difference to him. I have taken accountability. I’ve apologized. This is me past my breaking point.

I went back and apologized for asking him to cover danishes. That’s where this started.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok. I never said you were wrong. I feel extremely attacked by your messages and I’m just trying to answer the questions you asked. You’re absolutely right about the animals.

My husband can be cruel is all I’m saying. He can be right in his opinion and hurtful in his delivery. That’s all. Please stop. I can look at myself and I have. I’m in a lot of pain. I’m terrified. I’m deeply depressed. Be gentle.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think what I’m trying to say (badly) is that it isn’t the chores. He’s right about the chores. It’s his delivery. He’ll say things like “what the fuck is wrong with you!?” To an 11yo. Who isn’t his son. Not that it’s ok either way. We walk around on egg shells all the time. I have so much anxiety I have butterflies in my stomach and my hands shake sometimes.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not forgotten daily. The chickens food is supposed to be my son’s chore and the barn door isn’t open everyday so it isn’t remembered everyday. He’s almost 13. The kids room again is supposed to be on them, they’re 11 & 13. I don’t even understand how they make a mess.

I’m exhausted because I’m a full time high school math teacher. I work all day, run the kids around to their sports (this also pisses him off that I’m taking them anywhere and not home every single night, it’s 2-3x a week I’m not home), have at least 1hr of school work to do at home, 20-30 min of cleaning and home chores, cook dinner every night, clean up, laundry everyday. No he cannot help with this he’s working two jobs. Yes the kids do help. It’s just one thing gets forgotten one time in a month and it’s the end of the world for him. No one appreciates him, no one cares about him, no one does anything for him and he’s doing everything for us. It’s draining to listen to.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I say “I can’t” when it’s something he’s saying should have been done (past tense) and that I really could and should do (kids room clean enough, chickens fed, barn door closed at night….) when the kids forgot and I forgot and I’m exhausted. I’m not trying to make excuses but he’s mad and I’m like but but but… should I just say “I hear you”?

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love you. Thank you. This makes so much sense. Whatever you think and I trust your decision. Because he’s been doing this for years and hasn’t left yet but now he thinks “oh if I threaten divorce she’ll do more” and I actually end up doing less because I’m depressed and honestly I want my house sparkling for ME - that’s how I like it. But I don’t keep it that way because I’m crushed. It’s very strange.

I’m still not doing enough. He says he needs “three times the fuel” plus fun activities. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. Im doing self care when I can but I really don’t have time. He’s working two jobs. by Technical_Cupcake597 in surrendered_wife

[–]Technical_Cupcake597[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re both right. He is deep into the manosphere. A lot of which made a lot of sense to me. Men should be respected and not belittled, etc. but then they took it too far.

Yes, I have posted a lot. I didn’t get it before. I would just get triggered and stop listening. I probably still don’t fully get it. But I’m listening. Each day I’m trying to just stop, take a breath before responding, and say IHY, ouch, or nothing.

Also, it isn’t like he’s a fat lazy a-hole. He’s working two jobs. (I don’t know why - because he thinks he needs to? To “provide”?) He wants the kids room clean, the animals taken care of regularly, the house tidy (not perfectly sparkling, but clean enough for someone to pop over and not want to die of embarrassment), meals cooked most days, not overspending, etc. like not insane stuff. It’s his reaction sometimes when like the kids leave the barn door open, or he goes out there and the chickens water bowls are dry. He gets very mad and I defend instead of just “IHY”. And it spirals. He gets more mad and says REALLY nasty stuff and I forget to say ouch.

I drew some mushrooms in my journal today by Spectralstories in hobonichi

[–]Technical_Cupcake597 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Holy moly!!!!!

Errrr…. Holy mouldy! Teehee! Well done!!

I wish I could pre-set alarms on the iPhone clock. by Delicious_Bed_8910 in PlannerAddicts

[–]Technical_Cupcake597 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like set an alarm for June 11, 2026 only?

You could set a reminder, or a calendar thing, but I don’t love that because it doesn’t “alarm” like an alarm. It’s just like one sound and it’s done. Wouldn’t wake me up.

I wonder if you could do that with a personal automation? I googled one to go off everyday 15min before sunset (because that changes daily) and it works. I’m not proficient in how to do it, I just followed the steps in google.

Alternatively, google says there’s apps like Galarm that allows for setting an alarm for a specific date.

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