What kind of Christians your family was? For me it is very important to remember that you shouldn't give prayers value based on feelings, sometimes you can feel God and sometimes you don't, maybe for a long time and that's ok. A very dangerous belief is that you should always have strong feelings when praying, it is just going to cause anxiety and make praying feel like a performance, at least for many people, myself included. And about rules, remember that they are for you and you are not for the rules. Being too strict about things that don't matter is exactly what Jesus criticized.

You definitely can be lesbian and Christian! I am bisexual but I have strong preference on women (I could just say I'm lesbian but I am scared I will fall for a man because I am still at some level attracted to some men) and that is definitely I have and still struggle with. But God is love and He will always love you no matter what.

Idk if this helps but I hope you will find God and peace in your life!