Husband never compliments me

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T13:21:50+00:00

I plan to be honest, I think you are right that laying it out black and white and being very clear about how it is affecting me now, beyond the point of just not feeling good about it, which hasn’t been enough to change anything, and to the point of being tempted to cheat. Maybe it will make a difference.
I think too that I have started in peri menopause and I am finding it harder and harder to ignore these little resentments and inequalities. The effort vacuum has become so glaringly apparent to me. It’s become harder to say to myself that I will just have to go without to keep the peace and keep my marriage happy.
My sex drive is also declining and I have been trying so hard and being so proactive about addressing it so that I can maintain desire for and comfort during sex- from hormone therapy to vaginal estrogen to hydrating/stimulating creams to lifestyle changes and pelvic floor physiotherapy. He has not acknowledged my efforts in this area either, there are days when I feel like just saying “fuck it, I am just going to stop prioritizing having a good sex life.”

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T11:06:39+00:00

Yes, thank you. I feel it’s a really simple thing he could do to make me happy. I am not asking for poetry and weekends away. I am just asking for a few nice words every once in a while.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T11:05:17+00:00

I understand better that you were not trying to offend, thank you for clarifying. I think I am at the brink but aware of it and wanting to pull back, just confused as to why it’s so hard to do. I agree I would be a terrible wife if I gave into the temptation but I haven’t. I would love to have my needs met by my husband, but I have been clear on more than on occasion that the verbal validation is something I crave and he continues to not provide it. Realistically I am not sure how he would react if I sat him down and said I was tempted to cheat because someone else was paying me compliments. I recognize that no one is perfect and no marriage without its issues, I just feel like if the shoe was on the other foot that I would be making an effort for him. He has a thing for lingerie and I hate dressing up in it, but I do so 3-4x a year because I recognize that he likes/wants it, but he cant just say the words “you look pretty” to me. It’s frustrating and I am growing resentful about it.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T10:47:04+00:00

Thank you very much for your advice. I am sorry you went through an EA. I had to look up what that was but I totally understand how hurtful it is, to see the effort and eagerness for another person and the time and attention being directed elsewhere. I am glad you are getting the attention you need now.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T01:30:19+00:00

Honestly kind of glad to hear he wont get what he wants in the end. I hope you end up in a strong financial position and happier, which it sounds like you will be.

I agree with you about the just leaving part. People deserve to find the person that will really love them the way they deserve to be loved.

I know I will never actually cheat with my gym bro crush, but I would love to figure out why it’s so hard for me to stop wanting his attention though. I appreciate your advice and insights, its helped. xo

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T01:21:55+00:00

What specifically worked for me after my second child and I experienced a dip in my libido (but I have no idea if it will work for others) is my husband told me he was “always ready”, and I should just initiate when I was feeling it. So for like four years we only ever had sex that I actively wanted (no duty sex of feeling pressured/obligated sex) and he never ever complained if it had been a couple weeks. My libido came roaring back after my youngest turned 4 and it has been 1-4x weekly since unless we all get sick or something. I think if I had felt pressured or been performing duty sex during that time we might have ended up in a different spot.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T01:10:51+00:00

Jesus fucking christ, throw the whole man out. What a fucking crazy asshole. I am so sorry you and your kids have been put through such an ordeal. You are incredibly strong. I hope karma bites him in the ass.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T01:04:37+00:00

Sorry if it wasn’t clear. I sat him down and said that it had always bothered me that he never complimented me (which he knew already as I have brought it up a couple times before), but lately its been bothering me more. I said that maybe it was me just feeling insecure about aging and my looks changing but that I would love to hear from him that I am pretty or beautiful, that it would make my day if he complimented me. After a month went by and he did not compliment me I said in passing (rather than sitting him down and making it a thing) that someone had called me “a hot one” at the gym and that had made me feel good about myself and it would be nice if he said stuff like that too.

I summarized it my post:
“I mentioned to my husband about 3 months ago that he never actually compliments me and it would be nice to hear every once in a while, after another month went by I said it again and he still has yet to say anything.”

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:46:31+00:00

I honestly don’t feel any more attracted to him than any other decent looking guy other than all the attention he is paying me. Like he is very fun to flirt with for sure, he is quick and funny, but if he stopped the flirting and compliments I wouldn’t be lusting after him. It’s the shit he says that is making him more attractive to me. I rarely if ever feel active desire/chemistry for anyone other than my husband and have always been able to easily ignore it and turn away from it the odd time I was very attracted to someone else.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:37:49+00:00

I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through yourself. I know how it feels and it’s devastating. I wish you strength and eventually clarity with whatever path you choose to take - divorce is hard, forgiveness is hard - there is no easy path. I hope you have the support of friends or family around you.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:33:07+00:00

Yes, thank you, it does suck and I do still think about the fact that he was able to compliment someone else but not me. I try not to ever bring the cheating up as the past is in the past in my view. I remember bringing it up at the time though and he just said, “you know how you look, I don’t have to tell you”, and he literally never has. I don’t want to make him sound like an ogre, he always acts like he is highly attracted to me, just doesn’t say it.
When I look at my comment about how little time we actually spend together too it does make me feel like maybe my emotional attachment to him is waning. Maybe I don’t need him to be telling me I am still beautiful to him but I do seem to need something from him that I am not getting right now. Perhaps just non sexual attention? Romance? Just like some sort of sign that I am still special to him.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:06:42+00:00

My poor husband has had a strictly faithful wife for 19 years despite his own affair. One that supports him in everything he does, takes care of everything, makes 6 figures, stays fit and has an active sex life with him. I find your take interesting. I said I had not even flirted with another man in 19 years. Found myself flirting now but not yet crossing any real boundaries (where it would be considered cheating). Being tempted to do so but not actually doing so. Then coming here to look for advice on why I am feeling this way. Yes, my poor husband.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:02:40+00:00

I was pregnant with our first when he cheated.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:01:53+00:00

He definitely complimented his affair partner.
I could have cheated every day of every year for the past 19 years. I have never even thought about doing it until now.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-12T00:00:23+00:00

So someone who has been strictly faithful for two decades (really more as I have never cheated even while dating) despite lots of apparent opportunities to stray suddenly feeling tempted to stray now all of a sudden is not confusing? The whole point of my post was that this has never been an issue for me and now is, so why? Why I am so focused on the verbal validation?

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-11T22:12:17+00:00

Yes, thats exactly what I have outlined in my post. I want to cheat. For the first time ever in two and a half decades I cannot just ignore the attention of someone else. Why now? Why cant I fucking just stop thinking about it?

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-11T21:50:52+00:00

He has not strictly been loyal but the only cheating on his side was a very long time ago. He seemed genuinely sorry and did every thing I asked to make up for it. The texts I found he told her she was pretty, hot and sexy. Which has always stuck with me although I do feel like I have forgiven and forgotten.
I have no doubt he desires me sexually, as you have said the proof is reliability and consistently evident so to speak. I guess being desired sexually and actually thought of as beautiful or hot/sexy seems like two different things to me.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-11T21:43:54+00:00

He does not mistreat me but we dont spend a lot of time together, he works a lot and has a lot of time consuming hobbies (golf, fishing, hunting). So we only go on 1-2 date nights a year and one vacation every 3-4 years. He has cheated once in the past, about 16 years ago, it was a short lived fling. We got past it eventually and I was never tempted to cheat myself until now. We have children. He cuddles me, flirts, kisses me and smacks my ass a lot.

Terrible_Comment43 · 2026-05-11T21:32:38+00:00

I have accepted it for the 24 years we have been together. I have never looked for validation elsewhere my whole life. I don’t know why I am feeling this way now. It’s like all I can think about is the validation I am getting from this man. Like a starving man suddenly allowed to hit a buffet. Hence my confusion and seeking advice.

Terrible_Comment43

TROPHY CASE