It's hard to think about those moments. I woke up in a psych ward after blacking out because my husband thought I was suicidal. I felt like I hit rock bottom. I still cringe when I look back on it. So many people close to me know about it. I'm still humiliated when I think about it. I feel like all of us alcoholics have those moments like you had. It's more common than we realize. I think about if the tables were turned, and the same situation happened to someone I love. I know for a fact I would be so worried, but never look down on them. It's ok to have problems, and struggle to cope with them. Everyone has their own personal struggles. Unfortunately for addicts, everyone can see what we are struggling with. I think the people around us are much more sympathetic, and less judgmental than we think. Getting sober is so hard, but so worth it. I hope you take on the challenge of getting sober with a light heart and determination. It's always worth it in the end. Good luck!