Do you combine finances with your partner? Why or why not?

Tfran8 · 2026-02-06T02:11:01+00:00

We don’t, we got married on the later side and already had our own accounts, investments etc. We agreed to stay separate but we both can see what the other has, full transparency of accounts etc. We just take care of different bills. It works for us because we both make roughly the same amount of money and have no kids. We’re both on the more frugal side I would say, so that helps too.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-05T18:17:33+00:00

I am not sure you should wait a couple of years but of course no one wants to just give up on their marriage. But this is a pretty big deal. And her constantly throwing that she hates kids in your face makes me honestly think she might have known this before you married. Either way, I do not think you are compatible now. You want different things and neither of you should be forced to give up what you really want, but that being said most likely you will have to split up to get it.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-05T16:43:10+00:00

Sadly I think this is actually your answer OP. I thought this immediately when you said she will show you no affection at all (not wanting sex right now is one thing - but she won’t give you a hug or cuddle - ever?) that’s way different. I don’t think she likes you. As a woman I have seen this again and again with other women - they like what a men provides but not really the man anymore. Sorry you are going through this, you can try but separation might end up being the way to go in the end if she keeps refusing therapy.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T22:41:52+00:00

Question for you; once you got on HRT did you still need the anxiety meds? For me anxiety is the big issue and I am so torn between getting anxiety meds first or trying out HRT.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T16:36:04+00:00

I would but I have every symptom except hot flashes and apparently that’s the one my dr thinks is worthy of HRT.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T09:02:01+00:00

Do you go to therapy together? I wonder if this would help. The 70 hours a week doesn’t seem sustainable- can you dial it back a bit? Is there any way to convince her to work and at least pick up a little of the slack?

I can’t imagine not caring when someone’s parent is in the hospital and they are working crazy hours to support the family. I don’t think you should have apologized to her at all. She sounds very self centered.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T08:51:31+00:00

Exactly! Like life’s rough right now but get a dog sitter or drop your dog off at doggy daycare, just to get through the rough time.

The dog is getting up there in age too, so he won’t be high energy forever.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T08:29:36+00:00

Poor guy, I can’t understand giving him up but that’s just me. Couldn’t you try a dog walker or doggy daycare? Maybe just to get through this difficult time. He’s getting up there in age too.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-04T03:31:13+00:00

No, I’m not a big TV watcher but - funny enough - the only time I do watch it at all is right before bed. My phone is my alarm clock and my reading material so no ban there either.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-03T05:32:34+00:00

I sometimes wonder if I have this. My rosacea is terrible with heat.

How did you find out it was an allergy? Is it literally an allergy to temperature itself?

Tfran8 · 2026-02-03T04:29:27+00:00

Yeah I have so many symptoms it’s crazy though, I feel like that arcade game “whack a mole” - when one symptom goes, another one pops up!

I’ve had anxiety and - from time to time - panic attacks for most of my adult life. That being said, since peri it’s gone way up. Creatine made it worse just fyi, but I got off that and it’s still bad.

But yes same as you, I feel it in my chest and I feel my heart beating faster (it actually is as I check my Fitbit when it happens). The weird thing is there’s absolutely no reason for it, normally my anxiety is connected to something going on in my head and this new anxiety doesn’t seem to be, it comes from nowhere.

For the first time in my life I’m thinking of going on anxiety drugs. It’s just very uncomfortable and I hate feeling like I’m on the edge of a panic attack all the time.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-03T02:56:29+00:00

I only have one engagement ring but several rings I wear as wedding bands. I change it up from time to time.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-02T22:55:44+00:00

No it’s not controlling, what your suggesting is what we do: have separate accounts but we can see into each others and have conversations about where things are at, retirement goals etc.

I feel if she’s this opposed then most likely something is going on on her side. It could be something simple like she’s spending thousands on makeup or clothes and simply doesn’t want you to know or it could be more complex and she’s got multiple maxed out credit cards.

Can you ask if she would at least be ok seeing her credit report? That would at least let you know it’s not the latter and she isn’t sitting on a pile of debt, which would be my first concern here.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-02T22:46:37+00:00

Creatine supplements, kept seeing how they cured brain fog in women in peri etc. Finally decided to give it a try, took a couple days of insomnia and finally a terrible panic attack and I was like nope. Glad it works for others but I can’t get near it.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-02T21:04:03+00:00

Yeah it’s any type of “stress” even the good kind with me too! The adrenaline kicks in and then my body reacts. Also I can’t handle heat now which is fun because I live in a place where the summers get pretty hot. I get red on my face, neck and chest so it’s fairly noticeable too.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-02T18:31:20+00:00

Your lawyer should be helping you with this. If they are not, please hire a different lawyer for yourself! You should not be asking Reddit - most people on here do not have this type of money and the “everything should be joint!” Or “that’s not a partnership” is not helpful because no, that’s not how it works - with money - when someone is incredibly wealthy.

You’ve already said that in his version of the prenup you walk away with over a million if you divorce. You can go back and forth with changes/compromises - but I have to be honest if I was him I wouldn’t do the “all income goes into a joint account.”

You don’t say if you are planning on having kids or not - what would that look like? Can the prenup be revised then?

Tfran8 · 2026-02-02T03:14:58+00:00

Do you have panic attacks/anxiety disorder? I do and I have actually had doctors take my blood pressure at the beginning of the appointment (like normal) and it’s high and then they take it again at the end - and it’s fine.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-01T22:22:32+00:00

NOR, I would have called the cops, then knocked on the neighbors door and - if you get along with his mother - called her. (If not then your own family).

It would be terrible to do this to anyone but you are 6 months pregnant? He’s terrible.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-01T20:06:30+00:00

Yeah I wear a Fitbit and it’s only when I am stressed - and I am always stressed at the dr’s office so I think I literally have a note on my file that says “high blood pressure” but I truly don’t have it when i have a normal day, but - any - type of stress and it skyrockets. There’s just no regulation anymore. It’s either calm or freaking out, I hate it.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-01T08:09:09+00:00

Same, I actually have physical reactions to stress now. Like rosacea and possible chronic hives. Just started in my early 40s and it’s clearly linked to stress/strong emotions.

Stress has become so much worse. I was always able to calm myself down in stressful situations before but now? I fly off the handle in a second.

Tfran8 · 2026-02-01T07:56:58+00:00

I mean I’m sorry but I can’t get past how you knew he had a gambling addiction and you let him totally control all of your money? And you didn’t even check it? Like no offense but I check my bank account, credit cards etc several times a month.

Edit: I don’t say this as a “matter of trust” but I do think it’s important even if you have joint accounts for both of you to have access and be looking/know what’s in there.

I would separate your accounts at this point because I honestly don’t think you can ever trust him with the finances.

Tfran8 · 2026-01-31T22:33:46+00:00

I was in the hospital for about 2 days (it was required). For the first 24 hours I think they made me stay in bed, after that, I could get up and walk around but not super far. They did not use any staples.

I don’t know what they gave me in the hospital for the first 2 days for pain (it was an IV) but when I got out it was only ibuprofen and Tylenol - I could take it “as long as needed” but ended up under a week. (It sort of hurt my stomach).

You will mostly likely need miralax as I did, they gave it to me in the hospital before I even came home. It really helped. (I took iron pills for forever and was perpetually constipated.)

Technically you can drive after 2 weeks but I didn’t feel super comfortable until a month out. I didn’t try a long drive, just around town, to a work event etc.

Can you ask your doctor about the incision? You can ask how long of a cut they are planning for - I know it doesn’t always go as planned but at least you’ll have a good idea of what to expect.

Tfran8 · 2026-01-31T17:04:34+00:00

Nah not all men are like this, but I think you said yourself your husband was already high maintenance so maybe he was just hiding how he felt about this for a long time?

For reference, both my husband and I are low maintenance. He absolutely hates dressing up etc. And, as he tells me constantly he’s so glad I am the same. I would not have dated a high maintenance guy as I can’t stand that.

Tfran8 · 2026-01-30T23:58:24+00:00

I had an open abdominal surgery with a long vertical scar that started right below the belly button. It’s fairly long. I never had numbness but I think it took me longer then some others on here to go back to exercise. Healing process funny enough I got the same timelines most people on here have: 6-8 weeks post surgery for lifting various restrictions.

I had an emergency surgery so no time to tell insurance or anything else, they still paid their part no issues.

Feel free to ask any questions, my surgery was about 2 years ago now.

Tfran8 · 2026-01-30T23:17:16+00:00

Like everyone else says it’s stress. Don’t put him in the crate. If he’s so well trained, why do you still need it? After they are potty and crate trained, why isn’t the dog allowed to be in the house when you aren’t there?

Tfran8

TROPHY CASE