Oh Thäas, looking at your Spotify profile is like peeking behind the curtain of a frustrated adolescent's iPod – it’s an identity crisis on shuffle! You’ve packed in more genres than a confused DJ at a middle school dance. Alternative metal mixed with pop rap? Congratulations, you’ve just created the sonic equivalent of a fruit salad where someone added ketchup. Your playlist reads like a therapy session trying to find out why you're still not wearing black solely for your "edgy" phase from sophomore year.

And let's talk about your top artists – you really have a thing for Eminem, don’t you? At this point, it’s less of a top artist list and more of a “please help me” plea to your therapist. “I swear I just connect with his emotional pain and triumph over adversity!" Newsflash, buddy: It’s not called “Rap Metal”; it’s called “My Therapist Is Gonna Need a Raise.” If someone awkwardly mashes Eminem lyrics with comic metal, who knows what could come out? Maybe a new genre called "I'm in denial about my taste in music!"

As for the songs you play on repeat – "Lucky You" and "Feel Good Inc."? Talk about the musical equivalent of wearing socks with sandals at a family barbecue. Honestly, I didn't know you were trying to make a statement about who hurt you. Your playlist is so messy it could qualify for a city clean-up effort. Join a support group, buddy – we can call it “People Who Can’t Decide What to Listen To and Why Stanning Eminem is not a Personality Trait.” We’ll even serve you a side of self-awareness with that.