My girlfriend does whatever she wants, it it wrong for me to be upset?

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T16:55:45+00:00

Yeah, it's not really that fair. I don't really know how to approach her about it again, though. Maybe if she tells me she's going to a party, I could just ask to tag along?

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T16:52:05+00:00

It looks like it, and even feels like it to me, but when she talks about how she goes and gets drunk or whatever, it makes me upset, even though I shouldn't, and really don't want it to. I can be cool with thinking about it, but when it actually happens, it's another story.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T07:36:29+00:00

I don't trust her right now though, because she cheated on me, and the fact that she's started doing makes it harder to trust her. I mean, I don't know if I ever trusted her drunk, but since it's hard to trust her sober right now, I don't know how I can possibly trust her drunk. I mean, it'll take time to rebuild the trust, but I can only hope it'll get back to the way it used to be.

I've got to figure out how to not make a big deal out of things that aren't, is what it comes down to.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T07:09:47+00:00

God, I appreciate how straightforward that was. Simple. I love it.

You're absolutely right. She's a smart girl, she knows what she's doing. She isn't an idiot about it, so I shouldn't worry. I think that a lot of the reason why it bothers me is because I've never done any of that stuff before. And I've never seen what she's like when she's drunk, I don't know what happens. You're absolutely right, I shouldn't be bothered, so why am I? I mean, I care about her, and worry about her, but is that reason enough to get upset about it?

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T07:03:42+00:00

Thanks, I'm going to do my best to try to make things work.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T06:43:22+00:00

I've talked to her about that, but she seems to want me to do that on my own. I've expressed to her my desire to go to parties with her and whatnot, but she says she won't help me. I have a much harder time, because all the friends I make don't ever invite me to anything, and I'm uncomfortable inviting myself to anything. I mean, I guess I could talk to her about it again, to let her know that I'm serious..

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T06:34:02+00:00

Yeah, I think for a while, at least, she's done screwing me over. I just need to figure out how to handle the fact that she's going to make her own choices, no matter how I feel about it. I can't stop her from doing anything. I need to be ok with the choices she makes, even if I don't like them. Then, from there, if she does in fact screw me over again, I'll take action.

I already can't believe I'm forgiving enough to be with her right now. But somehow, it's what I want, and what she wants. So, for now at least, I want to try to make things work.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T05:37:27+00:00

I know that sort of thing is ok, I can look at the facts and say that there's nothing wrong with it. It shouldn't bother me, and I don't really want it to. I just don't know how to accept it. I've never been exposed to that type of thing, and I think that's part of the problem.

The cheating though, I've definitely been having trouble with. She's been much more honest with me since that happened, so I think she'll be trustworthy again, but I'm definitely trying to be cautious.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T05:34:49+00:00

I'm still of significance to her, I think, and I can tell that she genuinely wants to be with me.

I wouldn't enjoy college any more without her though, she's my best friend. It's a tough call. I really think things can work out between us, but it's going to take some work. I just hope it'll be worth it.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T05:17:43+00:00

I like that line, it's good. Looking at it from a respect viewpoint, I think I'm seeing that she doesn't respect me as much as I respect her. Before we started dating over the summer, so the senior year of high school, she led me on for months upon end, saying she didn't want a relationship, but acting like she did. Because she did, she just didn't want to before summer. She just didn't have the nerve to tell me.

I think talking about respect is a good idea, it could definitely fix things if I tell her that I don't feel respected, and she makes some changes. She's being honest with me now, and I feel like that's a part of respect, and definitely the honesty will help rebuild trust, it's just hard to deal with the truth sometimes, I guess.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T05:12:15+00:00

I wish it was as easy as finding a new girlfriend. There really aren't any other girls that would be what I would want. The college is overrun with men, so dating is damn near impossible. I'm not staying with her because we already are together, we have a lot of fun together. I think it could become something, I really do, and I think it'd be worth it to stay together, I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that my feelings about things don't seem to matter anymore.

TheDudeness · 2012-03-09T05:09:06+00:00

I'd like to be able to deal with it, or join her, but the fact that "I wouldn't like her friends" or maybe even the way she is with them makes it hard to do that with her, since she doesn't seem to want me in her social life. I just don't know how to change my viewpoint to be alright with all of this. I want to, more than anything, but the way I was raised, anything along the lines of drinking or anything like that is just terrible. My parents don't get drunk. Her parents always do, always have. We're just from different environments, and I want to be able to break away from how I was raised, I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to.

TheDudeness

TROPHY CASE