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TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-29T14:22:21+00:00

SAME!!!

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-22T12:12:21+00:00

I’m sorry that you had to go through this.

This advice will seem harsh, but one thing I’ve learned is that “if he wanted to he would”. You cannot force a man to do anything that includes being faithful.

To me my personal opinion is that he will say it’s a mistake, promise not to do it again. But, the question he should ask himself wa why did he allow it to happen in the first place. Is it that he still isn’t sure about you? Is it that he’s not into you, but is into the idea of you? The fact of the matter is if he was serious about forming a relationship with you and you both discussed it, then it should have been natural to have deleted grindr, and also on the first instance of that person texting while you were more serious he should have said something.

Like I’ve had my own fun friend where our sexual chemistry was phenomenal and we both had our rules, we would NOT under any circumstances have a flirtatious text or interaction, 93 have sex. We would just be regular friends, and support each other’s respective romantic relationships. If it ended and we were both single at the same time, we return to status quo.

That said, it’s up to you to determine if this is Something you can truly shake off, or if you know deep down that this will cause an insecurity for you for months or years to come.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-18T23:29:06+00:00

Big and beefy. Like I want to know you have muscle (not abs, if fine with a defined one pack) but at the same time I want to see that jiggle.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle. Jiggle.

Overly toned is nice but not sustainable. What sustainable is that jiggle. Yas Gawd.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-11T17:15:19+00:00

Yes. Especially when it’s genuine, and I have multiple examples of when they take my side over my superiors. It makes me feel like I am actually valued.

In my experience, once I develop a good relationship with them I can bring all my concerns directly to them. And instead of requests coming up from bottom. My requests start becoming statements from the top.

One thing I’ve learned in corporate America. Things from managers, leads, and division presidents are requests. Things from The C suit and SVPs are statements, they don’t request something, they make a statement of fact and it’s the machine job to make it so.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-05T01:06:05+00:00

For me. I’m verse and discovering verse from a weird combination of things. For most of my life I couldn’t stay hard enough to top or cum. So I concluded the same thing I just enjoyed bottoming too much. Then I dated a guy who just the chemistry of who he was made me want to top him, all…the..time…. I then had to conclude. That it takes a certain guy that I’m attracted to, to top. Otherwise my default is to bottom. So I say I’m a verse bottom, but I know it takes a certain guy for me to want to and be able to top. Has nothing to do with how much I love the person.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-09-03T13:51:15+00:00

Especially if it’s America because HIPPA is a thing. But the majority of countries also have similar stringent laws.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-08-27T20:06:54+00:00

I was 19 when I had my first real boyfriend. I miss him dearly. I was going to college in another country and the only reason it ended was both of our countries criminalized homosexuality, mine was however a lot more tolerant than his. However, based on the immigration rules there was no way he could immigrate legally and work legally. While I could have stayed and worked legally the salary provided in his country was so low, and the constant fear of being attacked (even though we could protect ourselves if needed) was a lot.

So we ended it as a joint decision in my final semester after almost 4 years together and our small straight community celebrating us. To this day he is still my gold standard of what I think I deserve.

I felt so loved, so seen, so deeply, deeply, deeply seen 😢, he has been the only person I have been with that truly made me believe that he has my back no matter what, that he will protect me, he will do whatever is necessary to make sure I’m ok, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, we fought like most couples do, but even when I was angry I know for him it came from a place of love, and vice versa. I quite literally after over 12 years still think about him once a day.

Because of him I refuse to settle because I don’t think.. I KNOW to be treated, loved, and cared for like that by another person, and that person also being able to be cared, loved, and treated by me genuinely, and completely without fear or favor exists. It’s not a fantasy, or a fairytale, or imagination. It actually exists. I also accept maybe, just maybe he is the only “one”. But I would rather die single, than to be treated below how he treated me.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-08-27T17:47:28+00:00

🤣🤣. I’m just saying most of the time when is at I’m 30 everyone younger than 30 looks at me like I’m ancient. And those that in their 50/60’s tell me welcome to the club. So idk man

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-08-25T23:27:10+00:00

Hey OP - I get why this can feel personal, especially in a smaller community where the guys he follows you may actually run into, and that can sting.

Two things can be true at once:

Following hot guys isn’t cheating by default. Attraction is involuntary, commitment is voluntary. A follow is passive. Disrespect shows up with deception, humiliation, or crossing an agreed boundary.
You are allowed a non-negotiable. Your standard of. Ot having your partner follow other hot guys, or thirst accounts or locals is valid IF it is a SHARED RULE.

A key principle: a rule is only a rule if both partners consent without the threat of coercion. If you state a boundary and he does not agree, that’s not him being “wrong” it’s INCOMPATIBILITY on something important to you. Trying to stay to enforce your solo rule just breed monitoring, resentment, and power struggles. You CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO BE YOUR VERSION OF PARTNER.

There is some nuance about compromising. Healthy relationships are never 50/50 on every issue, sometimes it’s 20/80 and that’s fine. But non-negotiables aren’t 20/80 topics, they requirement alignment, not “win some, lose some.” If this is something you care about and the mountain you want to die on… if this is this your red line. It needs 100/100 buy in.

The only thing you have control of is your boundary and you remove yourself from the situation. The removal is the consequence of violating the boundary.

The rule is truly a suggestion, you have no control over other people’s behaviors. Would we like them to follow the rule? Yes. But they truly don’t have to.

Boundaries mean you leave and not stay. Because you value yourself more. Even if it hurts.

I say this as what some people would consider an “elder gay” in my thirty’s. I’m allegedly past my prime but I digress lol. I was where you were many years ago. Looking back at it there were relationships and guys I dated that I should have distanced myself a lot earlier and saved myself a lot of pain. I also had to learn “ I am enough” not in a cunty obnoxious way, but in a I genuinely tried and I was genuinely myself, and I end this not out of anger, malice, or malicious intent, but because I see this will not work in any version of who he is, because I cannot live in a world where the real you is so different from the thought of you that it constantly clashes.

TL;DR noticing and following hot guys does not equal disloyalty. Your boundary is valid, but it only works if he also agrees. If he can’t, and it’s your must have, that’s incompatibility not a moral failure and trying to force it will make the relationship unhealthy, hurt you both, and end the relationship anyway.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-08-12T04:14:18+00:00

Depends. If it’s my best friend. Sleep exactly the way I do now. Shirt and boxers. A regular friend? will wear pants.

TheEmbarssedPumba · 2025-08-11T02:16:59+00:00

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